August 2020 – The Salty Exchange

COVID Bride: Part 1

August 28, 2020August 28, 2020by thesaltyexchange2 Comments

A title I never thought I would have. COVID Bride.

Let me set the scene… Our wedding date- May 16th, 2020, our invites were sent, our wedding website prepped and ready, my beautiful bridal shower and bachelorette party already took place the beginning of March, and I was blissfully checking off my bridal appointments and to-do’s. Just when I thought I was perfectly on track, exactly 60 days before our wedding on March 16th, 2020, we started quarantine.

Honestly, I was in denial for the first week and if someone asked about our wedding I would respond and say “it’s still happening.” During the second and third week of quarantine, I started to unintentionally let myself grieve as my wedding dress alteration appointment was officially cancelled, relatives from the East Coast told me they didn’t feel comfortable traveling, and so many unknown details started to take up my brain space. Our goal was to wait until a month before the wedding to make any decisions. I thought I could be patient and press pause for a month but who am I kidding, I am a professional Event Planner. Asking me not to prepare and plan is like telling someone not to scratch an itch.

Needless to say my desire to have some control over my wedding and the unknown led me to something I never thought I would utilize…bridal support groups on Facebook (I know, it surprised me too). I joined a general ‘COVID Brides’ group and another group specifically for ‘May 16th, 2020 Brides’. In these groups I didn’t feel alone, I knew there were others just as confused, sad, mad, (insert every emotion) like I was. Sure, some of those brides took their emotions and vent sessions to the extreme rant level but it was also in these comments and questions that I took comfort and started to reframe my mindset. Rather than what our wedding couldn’t be, I started to think of what our wedding could be and talked to my soon-to-be husband about his thoughts on it all. The obvious trend was to postpone the wedding and that didn’t feel right to either of us. We wanted May 16th to be our wedding date and to push forward even if we got push back like so many other brides in my Facebook groups had. It was in those groups where I realized just how incredibly blessed Alex and I are. What could have been an absolute emotional roller coaster was met with flexibility and support from our wedding planner, vendors, bridal party, family, and friends.

One of the most memorable conversations during that time was a call from my dad. He said, “Shari, I met someone who knows someone who has an alteration shop in her basement. He thinks she might be able to alter your dress and if she can’t then your mom has another idea too.” This gesture from my parents meant a lot because honestly, I had given up on my dress. It was only a month before the wedding day and I had already bought a backup dress online and fully accepted that my beautiful, expensive, brand-new wedding gown wouldn’t be altered due to quarantine and restrictions on businesses. However, the determined call from my dad, who was simply trying to save his daughter and her special day… lit a fire in me. I decided to make some phone calls and get the ball rolling. Luckily the first alteration lady I called was able to get me in. She was the sweetest! We talked from a distance as she ripped apart my gown and on the same day I brought it in she had pieced it back together and put it on me. It fit like a glove. This, my friends, is the first time I cried. I was in my dress; I finally felt like a bride.

After the dress everything else seemed to fall into place. My talented friends agreed to do my hair and make up on the wedding day. My MOH altered her own dress and had face-masks made for the bridal party to wear, mine sparkly white. My wedding coordinator took my original decor plan and shrunk it into a micro version (Zeina your skills are unmatched). Our cake lady and good friend agreed to make individual ‘to-go’ mini-wedding cakes for our guests with disposable silverware attached. We found a videographer a week before the wedding who made my last stress disappear because now I knew our day would be captured for all those important people who couldn’t be there with us.

Mixed in all those bigger wedding details were the small moments like my mom and I giving each other pedicures the week of the wedding since all the nail salons were still shut down. We soaked our feet and pretended we were at a spa. My best friend and her husband made a mountain shelf that acted as one of our main decor pieces for the wedding cake table and now has an honored place on our wall at home. The night before the wedding at our backyard mini-rehearsal with just us and the kids, we laughed so hard because our neighbor’s dog, Scamp, stood next to Alex in place of our officiant. And the real wedding MVP goes to Amazon Prime… all those last minute orders came in clutch with wedding attire for the kids and groom.

One of my favorite memories was a few weeks before our wedding when our dear friend and talented metalsmith, Marijo owner of Martini Metal Craft, came to our doorstep and dropped off Alex’s wedding band and my custom jewelry for the wedding. The jewelry was more exquisite than I ever could have imagined and Alex’s topographic map imprinted wedding band was so sentimental that he started to get emotional. It was these little moments that made those few months of uncertainty worth every second.

Alex and I look back at the last two months leading up to our wedding with so much gratitude. A huge thanks to our photographer telling us she would fly out no matter what, our venue for saying yes to a micro-ceremony and drive-by receiving line, and our officiant & marriage counselor virtually meeting with us during that time was so special and kept us focused on what our wedding was truly about.

Despite all the mountains of unknowns, we had done it. Our wedding team had rallied hard for us and we would end up having the best day full of celebration and love. More on our wedding day in another post. xoxo.

Kendall On Her Courthouse Wedding

August 28, 2020August 29, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

I am a girl who loves her wedding TV shows. David Tutera? LOVE. Saying yes to THE dress? Love the moment.

When it came to my wedding though, I knew I didn’t want any of that. It simply just wasn’t important to me or Israel. Also, our situation dictated that a quick, no fuss ceremony was needed- on many levels. Let me explain…

To clarify, I was not pregnant. I can see why many people jumped to that conclusion and assumed that that MUST be the reason why a girl would forsake her “special” day. What I was dealing with was a time crunch. Issy was due to PCS to Spain on May 2^nd… and we decided to get married on Saturday, April 2^nd. Our original plan had me going to Spain unmarried and upon further investigation, we realized that wasn’t logistically responsible. Since we knew we were going to get married anyways, we decided there wasn’t any reason to wait. And I am glad we didn’t.

*Special shout out to Al C…. thank for the real talk regarding marriage and PCS life. You definitely helped us make a better decision and it’s one that we have never regretted.

So, the time crunch became the guiding force on our road to matrimony. We made the decision to get married in Seattle after our return from the vacation we were currently on in Texas. I left a few days early to return to Seattle and figure out the HOW we were going to get married. I had to consider all the documents I would need to file and how to get the certificate the quickest to ensure that we could get me all squared away on the military side of things while I still had Issy to help me… I was super intimidated to walk into the DEERS office on Fort Lewis since I did not, and to this day do not, speak the befuddling language of the military. Time was of the essence.

At the heart of it, I also really didn’t want a big wedding. Really, I didn’t want a wedding at all. This was very hard for some of my friends and family to understand. I was at a point in my life where I didn’t care about the details. I didn’t care about the dress, the food, the wedding party, etc. It simply was not important to me. Committing to a man that made me happy, who loved me, and who I loved was really ALL I cared about. I didn’t need the typical wedding to make me happy or validate my decision. It is also important to state that I was also terrified that a wedding would become about my mother. My mother had passed away about a 15/16 months before and it was still very raw for ALL of us. My fear was that the day would become sad. People would cry that she wasn’t there. As her daughter, I cried regularly about that and as selfish as it may be, I didn’t want “my day” to become about that. I wanted to savor the moment of commitment to my husband without everyone else “wishing my mom could be here.” Or saying, “Ah Kendall, can you feel your mom?” I get that that brings solace to others, but those kinds of things don’t bring me any. More on that in a moment…

I figured out the details and was able to find a judge at the King County Courthouse that could marry us on the date we wanted. He gave us great instructions on what we needed to do and how to do it. While I was working out these details, Issy was in Texas telling his immediate family and close friends about our upcoming decision to get married at the courthouse. Like me, he had some people who thought we were crazy and others who thought we were brilliant for skipping the wedding. It was April and we had started dating in September… this sh&* was happening quick. All of these things were really good questions and concerns. Through all of the voices before and after our ceremony, Issy and I never wavered on our decision to do this our way. Issy and I both had dated A LOT. We had both been around the block and back a few times. When we met and connected, we quickly knew that we were it for each other. Our multitude of experiences made us very certain that we were doing the right thing.

Flash forward a few weeks, Issy had returned to Seattle with his dad in tow to help us with a few things. It was nice that our dads got to meet and hang out a bit. Having parents and family that live in different states makes the whole family bonding thing super difficult. Issy asked my dad for permission to marry me and it was done. My dad was so great about it. He was thrilled we were getting married and he was confident in our choice. When our dads found out I had already set a date and talked to a judge, they jumped on the support bandwagon. Things were all falling into place.

We got married on Thursday, April 21^st, 2016 at 5 pm… I think? Maybe 5:30? I can’t even remember. I went to work that morning with lots of butterflies in my stomach. That afternoon I checked in to “Inn At The Market” in Pike Place Market and put on my dress that I had picked for the occasion (shout out to Lorie who met me on whim to help me make the final decision- having you there was special for me). Then I took an Uber to the courthouse to meet Issy, my dad, and Jenny and Jeff (our other witnesses). As I checked into the courthouse I was surprised at how many other couples were there getting married. When Issy walked off the elevator with a bouquet of flowers for me, I knew that everything was perfect. Our ceremony was quick and efficient. Thanks to my dad, Jeff, and Jenny, we have some great pictures to remember the day by. And just like that- we were married. We went out for a really nice dinner right after and were in bed by 11. The next day, I went to work for a few hours and then grabbed my certificate to start the process for a new driver’s license and social security card. Needless to say, Friday April 22^nd was efficient.

Over the next few days we shared the news with more of our friends and family. Most were super supportive and happy that we had done what was best for us. Heck, most were happy that WE were happy. Then there were the few who weren’t so pleased or supportive. Someone had the nerve to ask me, “Is that really what your mom would have wanted?” Right there- that’s one reason why I didn’t do the whole big ceremony thing. The whole day would have been about that. And to answer that question (as I did then) my mom thought the drive-thru chapel in Las Vegas was the ideal wedding. That’s the gospel truth. So going to the courthouse was sort of a step up from that… Of course, I wish my mom could have been there. I missed her so much and still miss her every damn day. I don’t feel like I would have disappointed her- which was the implication. In fact, I feel like I honored her. My mom was a huge proponent of doing things that were best for yourself and being confident in your choices. I did those things. I did them with certainty and I would do it all over again.

I know people who have spent some serious money on their wedding and LOVED their day. I know people who spent some serious money on their wedding day and regretted it. I have known some people were getting married and complained about not having the budget to do things the way they really wanted. I know those who have had smaller weddings and those who have done destination weddings. And I have been in A LOT of weddings. Ultimately, you have to do what you and your partner want to do. You have to live with all the choices and be happy with them. Just because I had a courthouse wedding doesn’t mean I think bigger ceremonies are stupid! I personally just didn’t want one. We didn’t want to spend the money on one- even though my dad would have paid for it in a second. But I didn’t want to ask him. And Issy and I wanted to put our money towards building our life together. The courthouse was convenient, simple, and was 100% about Issy and I. It was perfect for who we are as a couple.

I often get asked if I regret not having a dress to pass on to my daughter. No. That’s just not a thing for me. If Rosemary decides to get married and have a massive wedding, we support her! She can create her own traditions and embrace her own vision. Who knows? Maybe she will go to the courthouse? Honestly, I have no opinion on the matter. She has to make her own decisions and be happy with them. I don’t want her to do one thing or another just to try and make us happy… life is too short for that kind of stuff.

Embrace falling in love the way you want to fall in love and if you choose to get married, embrace that too and find your own way! Everyone will always have an opinion based on their experiences and that’s ok! Take it all in. Listen to it. Then do what is best for your partnership.

And to people who have said I didn’t have a “real” wedding… shut up.

Kendall On Coping During Covid-19

August 20, 2020August 20, 2020by thesaltyexchange1 Comment

I am lucky. We still have income, our health, and general stability. What’s changed for me and my family is more cosmetic than anything. Vermont has handled the outbreak of COVID-19 with relative ease; this being a perk of living in a small and rural state. While we have had deaths in my state, we have had far more survivors. As of this writing, our current number of deaths sits at 58. It is still 58 people too many for my liking. People from all over New England are now flocking to Vermont to “ride out” the pandemic. This isn’t a joke- real estate has become competitive with out of towners looking for a second home oasis. Local businesses have rallied the best they can. Citizens are mostly responsible. Yet…

Yet for all those things, life has still been altered. Due to the economy, we had to take a temporary pay cut. Rosemary’s exposure to much of the world has been cut and/or limited but, luckily, she is completely unaware. Issy now works from home full-time and sees his coworkers from the computer screen. The list goes on… for all of us regardless if you see this whole thing as a hoax or not.

COVID-19 has awoken a dark fear in me. My mother passed away very unexpectedly and quickly from the flu. Seeing the swift actions taken to try and save her are still fresh in my memory. When I think of what the coronavirus does or can do to someone infected, I see my mom. And I am afraid. I do not want to die that way. I am not ready to go. There is so much left to learn, live, and see. I am not ready to leave my daughter without a mother. Sufficed to say, I am more conscious of my health. Pair this new-found alertness with a seriously lethal allergy season that has been rife with breathing and throat problems galore and all I can say is that 2020 has kept me on edge.

Despite the virus lockdown , I have been active with both myself and my daughter. I am always trying to figure out a new way to expose her to different things or a way to keep my mental health healthy. If you have any tips, PLEASE let me know. The alteration of one’s expectations and routines are never easy to accept but I remind myself that there are people who are truly struggling with the effects of this virus on a physical health, mental health, and financial health level/levels and I tell myself to, “STFU.” I am lucky. Life could be different.

Being in quarantine doesn’t bother me so much. As an introvert, it feels like this is the general way I have lived my life- and no, that’s not sad. I like the quiet. I like being at home. What I do miss greatly about normal life though is the freedom to leave when I want or take my daughter to the grocery store with me. Every outing has to be fairly calculated and that is not always convenient. I miss date nights with my husband on Church Street- selfish, I know. I miss seeing all the local shops jam packed full with people during this time of year. It’s quieter and I know that means more financial burden for the community and its members.

I have hope that a vaccine will be developed. But I also realize that the development of a vaccine isn’t going to instantly bring back our economy or restore people’s stability. That will come with time and time can be pretty darn cruel. Eventually though, life will resume to a level of “normal.” And when it does, I hope to see you; maybe even give you a hug or kiss. Until then, I hope you are doing ok and if I can do something for you during this crazy time, let me know.

Shari: Redefine Your Busy

August 20, 2020August 20, 2020by thesaltyexchange1 Comment

The redefinition of a word: a superpower you may never know you had.

Recently I went on a walk with a friend. We were talking about motherhood and babies. She, a new mom herself, made a comment in passing about how “over-committed” I am and how that would have to change if I were to have a newborn.

I laughed it off because she clearly doesn’t know how many responsibilities and leadership roles I have tapered off over the past two years and how slowed down my life has felt since the beginning of 2020 (even pre-Covid) but, nonetheless, her words stung. I had to stop and utilize a skill I learned several years ago in my life coaching group.

During one of my life coaching meetings I came to the group super upset. Multiple people that day had referred to me as being “too busy,” my life “so exhausting,” and even asked me “how do you have friends with a schedule like that,” etc. It wasn’t the words that held the weight but all the nonverbal cues (ahem, Communication Major over here) like facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language told me these people clearly disapproved of my professional and social schedule. Why did it matter to them anyway? My life coach smiled and said, “instead of letting the word busy hold a negative meaning, what if you could change it? What if the word busy meant that you are putting your time and effort into activities, organizations, and people that you love? What if busy was a compliment?”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been letting other people’s negative connotation to the word busy upset me for far too long. It was time I realized that all my effort in leading a local young professional group, learning more about my Scandinavian heritage, and encouraging women and girls to get outside was serving me in all the most fulfilling ways. I didn’t think of myself as overcommitted; I was proud of my commitments. I chose each of them. I said “yes” when most would say “no.” I chose to push myself professionally and personally. I chose to get outside my comfort zone and make my community better. I was busy but in the BEST way possible.

After that life coaching session, I felt empowered with my new definition of the word. It seems silly that we let a word hold so much meaning when we have the power to change our perspective- a superpower each of us possesses and can use at any moment!

The next time someone says something that feels deflating to you, rude, or insensitive, I challenge you to stop and think of ways that word can be redefined to better represent it’s presence in your life. For example, if your thoughts around the word healthy are negative, redefine what healthy means to you. Go use that superpower!
**AND let me know what word you have redefined for yourself.

Guest Blogger Allyson: “Tie Dying for my Life”

August 18, 2020August 18, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

If you told me 6 months ago that I would be spending my evenings tie dying clothing in a shower in the middle of a global pandemic, I would have looked at you like you were crazy – yet here we are.

This wasn’t how 2020 was supposed to go.

I was a creature of impeccable habit. I woke up at the same time, ate the same foods, worked the same job, wrote the same lists; I wore my militant discipline almost as a badge of honor, thwarting it over people to show them that you really could accomplish anything with the right amount of regulation and control.

2019 brought me the devastating loss of my father. We knew it was coming; there was no medical hope or miracle in the world that could have saved him. Before he passed, I was spiraling. My methodical means of coping were no longer an option when I was faced with something so utterly out of my control. I couldn’t craft a thoughtful list of how to save a life.

Some may argue that death shouldn’t bring you anything but sorrow and pain, but this pivotal moment in my life inspired me to break free from who I was before. If anything should motivate you to live your life (and I mean truly live it, not some imposter-of-an-existence that I was in), it should be the lesson that, as George Strait once said, “I’m here for a good time, not a long time.” Your life can get cut short in an instant, and I was not going to waste another moment of it not doing the things that brought me joy. I was going to travel, see the world, eat the food – anything and everything my dad would have wanted for me. Then the pandemic hit.

This wasn’t how 2020 was supposed to go.

I had grand plans for this year and in what felt like an instant, the world stopped. Work slowed, gyms closed, travel was not an option; then the depression and anxiety hit. I had just managed to start digging myself out of the deep hole I had been living in for the past couple of years with my renewed enthusiasm and zest for life, and here I was again; dangerously flirting with reuniting with it. I honestly didn’t even know what to do with myself, especially since I couldn’t even go back to my “normal” way of life. How does one plan their life anymore when there isn’t a plan? I didn’t have a handbook on how to navigate my life during a pandemic.

At the root of it all, I had to remember what I promised myself I would – life is short and I cannot spend my days wishing I had taken the leap to do the things that make me happy. I needed a creative outlet, and what started as an activity to keep me busy at home turned into what I can lovingly call a small business. If you hadn’t gathered earlier, I am a meticulous, almost-robotic (at times) person, so the idea of trying something that I am not already an expert at completely frightened me. But, for the first time in a long time, I was excited about something, and I needed to keep that positive momentum going for my mental health and survival. People don’t always like to admit this, but I will – I value the opinions of other people (yup, I DO care what people think of me), so the notion of sharing this new venture with my community was a huge change for me to take – but I did it, because if I hadn’t, I would have regretted it.

You may call it tie dying, but I call it tie dying for my life.

This wasn’t how 2020 was supposed to go.

But maybe –

This was exactly how 2020 was supposed to go.

You can find Allyson on Instagram at @upcycledstylefinds and on Etsy!

Allyson is a fabulous and fierce friend of Shari and Kendall. She went to WWU with them and is currently an active member of the Bellingham community. Allyson lives with her husband, Tyler, and precious pup, Luna. Kendall and Shari adore her because she is always quick with her wit and loving with her friends.

Kendall’s Public Love Letter

August 13, 2020August 13, 2020by thesaltyexchange1 Comment

Dear Husband,

Thank you. Thank you for being born- though I realize you can’t actually take the credit for that. Regardless, thank you. Because you were born, we are where we are.

Meeting you changed my life. Meeting you calmed me. Loving you has made me a better person. You have this beautiful outlook of the world that makes me feel more positive, stable, and open. Your happiness is infectious. Your ability to talk with ANYONE about ANYTHING baffles yet delights me. Your easy going nature makes you magnetic to our friends. Your “figure it the f&!$ out” attitude is what drives us. Working hard isn’t just something you do sometimes- you do it every day, without fail.

We’ve had successes and we’ve had some failures… yet we somehow always end up where we need to be… and that’s something I 100% attribute to you since I get caught up in a lot of the smaller details. Your drive is something I am so proud of and it’s something that has been tested a lot in the past few years. You don’t give up. You get up at 5:30 every morning to sneak in a workout before you sit down for an 8-hour work day. You are constantly wanting to better yourself in every way possible.

More than anything, who you are as a dad is what I am most proud of. Rosemary is the luckiest little lady to call you “daddy” or sometimes “danny.” She loves you hard, Issy. While she is little, her love is the biggest of all for you. And let’s not forget Bella… she loves you so much that she cannot not touch you while we sleep. The second you came into our lives, she ditched me for you. I know that. I can’t even be that mad at her… you are pretty spectacular.

I know you don’t particularly love public tributes… but too bad. You are someone to be celebrated, my love. You make everything in my life better.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! August 13^th, 1985 is one of the most important dates in my calendar. You’re it, Israel.

I love you,
Your wife

Shari’s Family Dill Pickle Recipe

August 13, 2020August 13, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

For as long as I can remember, we’ve always had canned dill pickles in our pantry. Some of my earliest memories from family holiday dinners included a two sectioned crystal plate that held sliced homemade dill pickles and olives. The little plate was always prepared ahead of time and everyone would snack on it before dinner. I’m pretty sure my love of grandma’s pickles started from that small appetizer platter.

Now as an adult I love having pickles in my own pantry (bonus the kids also love them). It is my honor to share this precious family recipe with you and a few of our tips and tricks too.

Grandma’s Dill Pickle Recipe

Brine:
– 1 quart Apple Cider Vinegar
– 3 quarts Water
– 1/2 cup Pickling Salt

Boil for 3 minutes

Step 1: As my Grandma would say, just quickly brush off the bumps. Note this isn’t a perfect process but is a nice way to wash the cucumbers* with a rough scrubber.
*Our family likes the small and medium size pickling cucumbers so we order a mixture of sizes from a local farm.

Step 2: Stuff the (wide mouth quart) jar with a full sprig of dill and two pre-peeled garlic cloves, then play tetras and stuff those pickles in the jar.

Step 3: Pour in the hot brine mixture (see above recipe) into the jar, close it with a pre-boiled lid, and place in the oven at 300 degrees in a 9 x 13 in pan with a dish rag at the bottom of the pan filled with an inch of hot water. After 7 minutes rotate the jars, cook for another 8+ minutes until the cucumbers lose their bright green color.

Step 4: Carefully pull out each jar and let it set on the counter for 24 hours, jars will pop and seal (which is such a satisfying sound)!

This process yields about 5-6 quarts so repeat as necessary. Grandma would can pickles in late July or early August and the general rule was we couldn’t start eating the pickles until Thanksgiving, giving it 3 months (at least) to let the flavors cure to perfection. We lovingly refer to Grandma’s pickle recipe as “pure gold!”

Enjoy!

Kendall On Why She Has Lost The Will To Obsess Over Her Weight

August 4, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

It seems as if I have been aware of my weight (and therefore, how I look) for as long as I can remember. It also seems as if I have forever been dissatisfied with this part of myself. Weight management is a super prevalent part of our culture… especially for women. There are an array of programs out there catered towards staying healthy, getting healthy, loving yourself, etc. It’s almost overwhelming. And after years of reflection and struggle with all of it, here is where I have finally decided I stand.

I just don’t care anymore. I cannot possibly keep up with it. Nor do I want to. I have realized that I don’t think I will ever look in the mirror and say that my naked body is sexy… I mean, I like certain parts of my body! I definitely appreciate my body and what it is capable of. The point has just come where I don’t want to keep trying to reach some ideal in my head. For some, those goals are super healthy and an essential part of living their best lives! I totally get that and respect that… to each their own! For me, I need to let that go.

I have been heavier than I am now and I have been thinner than I am now. The conclusion that I have really come to is that I just want to FEEL good. And once I figured out what that means to me, it’s been easier to come up with a realistic perspective of weight management. One that doesn’t make me feel like crap or tell me that I am crap for not reaching milestones. For me, being active and having the stamina to keep up with my daughter is what makes me feel good. Exercise has helped me heal from some pregnancy stuff, toned me up a bit, and given me endurance. And let me tell you, I need endurance when I am running around after my 22 month old.

Back in November, I committed to working out again. We were finally settled in our home and developing a familial routine. Routine is KEY for me. Routine keeps me happy and sane. It keeps me motivated. So once that was flowering, I decided to start hitting the gym again. Lucky for me, my husband built an amazing home gym so all I need to do is trot down to my basement, turn on some tunes and get to work. When I started getting my butt down to the gym, I realized how much better I was feeling… how my body was finally healing from carrying R for 9 months. My flexibility improved. My stamina improved. Heck, even my sex drive improved! My weight… meh sure, I have lost a little. I am slowly toning up though and I am committed to being in the gym AT LEAST 4 times a week. Ideally 5 days but sometimes that’s just hard. Some days I just need sleep or my little one is going crazy and I need to parent more than I need to hit a HIIT or work on my abs.

Working out and not trying to desperately reach a goal has been good for me. I love that it is part of my morning routine. Since COVID-19 has hit, it has also become the ONLY time of day that is mine alone… no kiddo to watch and no partner to check in on. Issy makes this time more efficient for me and actually plans my workouts… with my input, of course. This time makes me feel like I am also doing something important for my daughter. I am showing her (as is my husband with his daily gym time) that taking care of our bodies is important and natural. It’s not a spectacle… it’s just what you do. I want her to see that her mom can lift weights and jump rope like a boss… just as she is; not thinner, not bigger, but just as I am. More importantly, I want to show her that loving your body and taking care of it doesn’t have to be an unhealthy or all-consuming battle.

I am never going to be a size 0. And probably never a size 8… though I CAN get there, I really don’t want to maintain it… it’s too time consuming. I comfortably sit at a size 10-14 and have since I was 21. And I am ok with that. I’ve got great T&A and I don’t really want to apologize for it. I eat healthy about 85% of the week and listen to my body. That’s a skill that’s taken me YEARS to hone in on but it’s the most important skill. My body wants to work out and eat healthy food… so I do that… it also wants a pizza on a weekly basis… and that’s ok- that’s why God made the Dominos app. I am ok with that. I am ok with working on my body being a long process. Getting caught up and obsessed is no longer an option- it sucks, is time consuming, and will only further perpetuate a cycle of self-hate… and to quote Roger Murtaugh, “I’m getting too old for this shit.” I am in a place where I really just want to be ok with my life… constantly improving but not in a destructive way and constantly giving everything I have to myself and my family. And my dog. It’s all about joy… because life is too damn short to not have some joy y’all.

Shari On Responsible Media Advocacy

August 4, 2020August 10, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

Many powerful movements have been finding their strength and support on social media. They use social media as a viable platform to launch awareness and advocacy regarding issues that the average person may never know about, let alone be educated on. I find the knowledge and solidarity empowering and yet you can never fully escape it getting all too political. The debates and the opinions thrown around about topics tend to dilute the message of the movement. Which makes me a firm believer of doing your own research and the importance of credible resources.

Recently I found myself reading the Instagram story of a friend online about another advocacy topic. Her intentions were good but her screenshots left me with nowhere to find more information so with my limited knowledge I brushed off the topic with annoyance. “Why do so many good intention trends or hashtags get so much backlash?”, I thought. I am tired of people just going against the grain just to cause unnecessary drama. It’s moments like these where my Instagram icon starts to wiggle as I contemplate deleting it off my iPhone.

But then there are people like my friend Alycia, she posted references to the same topic on her Instagram stories. Unlike the other person, she actually linked her stories to other accounts with more information and empowered the hashtag for what it was, while also leading her friends and followers to learn and grow if they so desired. As my friend Alycia stated so perfectly, “If your goal is to help people educate themselves, then give them resources. We’re all just trying to raise awareness and be good stewards of humanity for goodness sake.”

If you want to raise awareness on social media, point people in the right direction to dig deeper. Be more like Alycia.