Recently I saw a post on Instagram that said “Normalize Friendships Ending.” I thought about this for a while because it didn’t sit well with me and I quickly realized why. I don’t think there is anything normal about close friendships ending… however, it is normal for distant friendships to end. Let’s discuss. I am going to start by labeling friendships (from my perspective) into three categories:
Best Friends are friends who you would literally do anything for despite how inconvenient it would be for yourself. This friendship takes the same amount of time, energy, and effort from both parties.
Forever Friends are current and past friendships that naturally pick up where you left off whenever you see each other. These friendships can only be maintained if the expectation to “keep in touch” is low and the friendship is genuine.
Acquaintance Friends, these friendships are the proximity based friendships, quick, and typically based around a club, group or activity. Often acquaintance friendships make you feel like the person is closer to you than they really are but once the activity or group ends, inevitably so does your “friendship”.
Those are the three categories that I think of when it comes to friendships. I have very few people in the best friend category, although I am sure the line between any of these friendships can get blurred when you spend a lot of time around the person and start to consider them one of your besties.
*Notice I have not talked about family in these friendships, family is its own separate conversation. This discussion is purely about friendships.
People used to tell me I had so many friends because I hung out with so many people at networking functions; I would correct them and say, “Sure, I have a lot of acquaintances.” I corrected them because I realized sometime in my mid-twenties after the height of high school, college, and workplace friendships that people really do come and go from your life. As a recovering people pleaser, I was someone who desperately wanted to maintain every friendship relationship I encountered. I quickly learned that was impossible. Friendships were manageable to maintain in high school, less manageable in college, and just purely insane in the working and networking world. My circles grew and my ability to try and be the best, most loyal version of myself for everyone wasn’t worth the time, energy, and draining effort it took from me and away from those I deeply cared about.
Personally, I believe that perspective is everything, including perspective in friendships. It is guaranteed that you do not think the same way about someone as they do about you. I have learned this the hard way in friendships that I thought were more loyal and close than they actually were. This is where I learned the difference between best friends, forever friends, and acquaintances. I think it is important to note that just because you naturally, genuinely, and intuitively care about people does not mean that if a friendship ends (and you are blindsided by it) that it’s a reflection of you at all. It really is a direct reflection on the person that chose to giddy up and leave the friendship. The best thing you can do is respect their choice and accept that you may never know the complete story. People are interesting and friendships can leave just as quickly as they began.
Now, take all that, and enter in COVID- 19! It’s completely normal and a fact that friendships have been altered. Can I get an AMEN?! Those acquaintance friendships have probably all but stopped or have been halted. Those forever friends have probably reached out to check in on you (or vice versa). Then, those that you call best friends you have probably seen by now or they have been in your inner quarantine circle. Let me speak loud enough for those readers in the back: the acquaintance friendships that have stopped or halted during this season is NORMAL! Those people were brought into your life because of an external factor and that is okay. I challenge you to take a good hard look at your friendships and be kind to yourself and others. Do not put unrealistic expectations on anyone, especially not during a global pandemic. Life is not normal right now and neither are our friendships. If you are thinking about someone, text them, call them, let them know you care. Life is too short to create drama where it shouldn’t be. So yes, let’s normalize acquaintance friendships ending without drama and prioritize the friendships in our life worth maintaining. More than ever, we need friends – our best friends and our forever friends.
The Salty Exchange 