Today’s post is short and sweet.
Ok everyone- parenting is a freaking trip. As the mom of a 2 year old, life is always exciting. They are learning so many fun things. They are also learning how to throw tantrums. Today, Rosemary threw a total hissy fit during lunch and, to this moment, I am not entirely sure what was wrong. She was so upset that she took her pasta sauce and smeared it all over her face. She then proceeded to take her fork and hit her table, herself, and me with it. I was trying to grab said fork away from her and was using my best and most firm voice that usually makes others straighten up and listen but this little girl could have cared less. Throughout all of this, she was screaming and crying. This isn’t abnormal for her or for the age. Some days, she just needs to tantrum. That’s fine. Usually I can cope with it and redirect. But sometimes, I really just want to scream and hide somewhere watching Netflix, eating chips, and drinking wine. Classy- I know.
Despite these trying moments, I am fiercely protective of my kid. We had an amazing 18 months of mutual devotion. For her first 13 months, I was her food source. Then I was her snuggle buddy and protector. Now I am pretty sure she hates me. She would rather play and walk with everyone else. I kind of hate that. By “kind of” I mean greatly. I greatly hate that she doesn’t really ever seem to want me anymore. She is independent and off to the races. And truthfully, that is so lovely. I couldn’t be prouder of her independence, her curiosity, and her smarts. I am just jealous that sometimes she wants others more than me. I grew her, birthed her, and fed her; I want to be important to her for a bit longer before I am cast to the side.
Alright, my dramatics aside: she loves me. I know this. I know that she is going to leave home and be her own woman. That is GOOD. That is how it is supposed to be. I want her to have everything she sets her mind to (I know, I know- not possible but I still wish it). More than anything, as her mom, I just want to be able to keep up; no shrinking away from the tantrums, no jealousy over who she prefers over me in the moment. I am always looking for ways to keep it “fresh.” By that I mean that I am always looking for ways to teach R new things. Thankfully, there are so many resources these days to choose from that showcase the different styles of play and learning… but the downside is that there are a lot of resources these days to chose from that showcase the different styles of play and learning. It can be a bit over saturating and make me feel more pressured to pick the “right” approach. After all, none of the different methods are going to make her better than any other kid- it really just comes down to me picking the right activities for us and what I can realistically help create with and for her. The journey to trying to be a good mom is a daily one that I take. Staying home with Rosemary is one of the hardest and most privileged things I have ever done. I never had the desire to be a stay-at-home-mom. Like, ever. It’s just something that has happened through a series of life things. I struggle with it- see my previous post on the decision to stay home. I am not an Instagram worthy mom. I sort of just go with the flow and let Rosemary lead me and from there, I make plans and buy books/toys accordingly. And still, I always feel like I am not doing enough as her mom. For that matter, I always wonder if I am being enough. I know I could be more patient, more creative, and more spontaneous. We are working on it or should I say, I am always working on it.
As I am writing this, I just heard Rosemary say, “I want mommy. Where’s mama?” I AM MELTING. MELTING. It’s not often she asks for me but that could be because I am always around. Rosemary is my heart wrapped up in flesh and bone. She is what makes me want to not just be a better mom, but a better human. With that said, if she could ease up on her tantrums, I would not object.
The Salty Exchange 