In late 2019, I rededicated myself to “wellness.” I knew it was going to be a long journey and not a get rich quick scheme. I wasn’t expecting dramatic results for a few reasons:
- I wanted to give myself some grace and not be too ambitious and then, as a result of potential failure, be disappointed in myself.
- I really wasn’t focused on anything other than establishing a routine, finding new ways to care for the various parts of myself that motherhood had pushed to the side, and creating a mental space in which I could healthily address all the thoughts and feelings that go along with being healthy and well.
Despite 2020 being a bit of a total mind f&#k, I think I did a really good job of prioritizing my health and what it means to me. I got to know my body again through pushing the limits in workouts, figuring out what I actually like to eat (because that’s not quite what I originally thought it would be), what I need mentally, and in prioritizing my partnership with my husband. All of these things taught me one thing: Obsessing about my body and losing weight really isn’t for me (see my post from a few months back about that). And, it still isn’t. I have been thinner, and I have been bigger. The truth is, I like myself in THIS moment… it only took 32 years to happen, but hey, it did. I have a bit more cellulite than my past self and my backside looks WAY different than it used to but oh well. I really don’t mind it. What my journey to wellness enlightenment has given me is a better appreciation for my body and what it’s capable of and why I need to take care of it.
The truth is, I wasn’t emotionally mature enough to tackle the weight stuff and the self-confidence of that issue until now. I am one of just many people who grew up associating worth with weight. And oddly enough, you feel like you have MORE worth when you weigh LESS. And when I used to try and fight that battle, I always ended up losing and hating myself for it. To be fair, health and being mindful of your body and the decisions you make with it ARE important. It is common sense that a healthy salad is probably a better choice than a triple cheeseburger and fries… now, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t indulge. BECAUSE YOU SHOULD. But you should also eat the salad and find a way to not hate it. Don’t like salads? I have some alternatives that I will share with you in a bit. I learned that I really like salads. I don’t like plain salads… I like really hearty salads that are full of mixed greens, protein, nuts, maybe some blueberries, and a great homemade vinaigrette and some feta. I genuinely like that stuff. I also love to stuff my face with pizza… So, how do I balance?
Well, that’s the kicker isn’t it? There are a bunch of different avenues to go down when it comes to the subject of wellness. And, boy oh boy- EVERYONE has an opinion. Not just an opinion… but like, an opinion… you know what I mean? And the truth is, everyone’s body differs in what it needs. The key for me to properly address my health is to not be afraid to ask questions, not be afraid of my scale (not an easy emotional feat), and to have ownership of my decisions. That’s ME. I have friends who do other things and stay in great health! And for some other friends, it takes like no effort… and yeah, you can bet I am jealous. Imagine how much mental space would be freed up if staying in shape and keeping your body truly healthy took absolutely no effort? What a different place the world would be… Instead, my instagram and facebook feeds are littered with ads for different weight loss teas (seriously… WTF), workout styles (I personally love Cassey Ho from Blogilates and was doing her program super consistently before getting pregnant), and different diets… oh, the diets. It’s an endless puzzle of sorting through these things. And here’s the thing… I have a lot of knowledge of food. A lot. It’s all jumbled in my head and it’s been hard for me to make sense of it all. So… I caved. I researched a bunch of different programs to see if one of them might be a good fit for what I was trying to achieve. What was that, you ask? Well, now that I am on a good physical fitness path, I am trying to figure out how what I eat affects my body. Do I bloat? Do I lose sleep? Is my energy depleted or lifted? HOW DO I FEEL? And the truth is this: ALL of this is very much influenced by your own personal goals. As I said, I am not in this journey for immediate results… I barely have a final “number” in mind because for me it isn’t about that. I am ok with the slow and steady race that I can actually maintain for the rest of my life. I am in no mood to be let down by a program that promises a lot of things in a short amount of time that is either impossible to maintain or too expensive to maintain. Enter, Noom.
Noom. It’s EVERYWHERE. Truth be told, their success stories were, sure, inspiring. But I didn’t really care about them… what I did find out I was interested in is that I got to set the script for my goals; how I got there, how I am motivated, and more importantly, doing all of that and not instantly reverting to 24 year old Kendall (ugh- she was a mess) and hating myself for not being perfect at it all. Noom has things in place to keep you accountable such as food and water logs, exercise logs (hey NOOM- add a HIIT setting, will you?), daily lessons that are a required part of the journey, and your very own personal goal specialist to help you meet milestones and give you support along the way (a real person, not a robot). Personally, I like Noom; despite the extra cheesy factor, I like them and feel comfortable taking 10 minutes out of my day to do the work. I am a relatively new Noom user but will be keeping you updated in the coming months about how I feel, how it helps, etc. I think what I most appreciate about Noom is that everything is on me to accomplish. Sure, I have support (and they teach you a lot about the psychology of food (which I knew a lot of but had a hard time organizing to make it relevant to me) but it’s up to me. I don’t feel bad that I am getting out of the holiday food funk and some days are great and some are bad. There is no beating myself up. I am just chugging along on my journey. That alone is something I could not have done in my twenties. I simply wasn’t mentally mature enough to really understand health and wellness… but then again, it’s not like they teach you how to love yourself in school. That S*^t just comes with time. And patience.
I could go into all the different tips and tricks that I find useful, but the truth is… you don’t need it. As I said, the idea of what constitutes wellness and health is different for everyone… whatever that looks like, YOU DO YOU. What I will share with you all are a few different links to great articles that give you truly good and wholesome recipes (nope, not all of them are salads). So go forth and live well. Don’t take that for granted. At the time of this writing the US Coronavirus death toll is 406K. Life is really fragile, y’all. Take care of yourselves… Whether that’s eating a quinoa bowl, running a 5K in your city (by yourself of course, because, you know- COVID), or biting into a big ole’ bowl of homemade mac and cheese- make sure to be feeding yourself in every possible way. Get the facial. Binge the show. Take the nap. Go on a walk. For me, it will be taking my daughter out into the snow to play and be merry. That trumps my workout today. Be well, my friends.
Need some food inspo? Check out these articles- they’ve got some good and healthy recipes!
EatingWell: 21 High-Protein Dinners for Healthy Aging
EatingWell: 22 Comfort Food Dinners for Weight Loss
Delish: 29 Healthy Slow Cooker Recipes That You Can Make In A Slow Cooker
The Salty Exchange 