When I first moved to Spain in 2016, it was the first time I had ever lived away from the vast majority of my family. Everyone told me I would be homesick. Truthfully, I wasn’t. Maybe it was the wonder of living in a foreign country. Maybe it was just time for me to carve my own path forward with my new family. My husband is a pro at moving around and has been away from his family since he was 18 years old and went off to college. New places, new faces, and new ways of life didn’t scare him. I was a little nervous at first mainly because of the language barrier in Spain. Looking back though, that experience has made me super adaptable (I know, I know- insert shock and awe here). Anyways, I really enjoyed life away from everything I had known. Rather than being scared, I felt peaceful. I felt like I was finally defining myself on my own terms (like, really, just my own). When you are stripped down to just you- no job, new friends, new family, and new experiences, you really do figure out who the heck you are and who you want to be. And in all that, there is a lot of opportunity for things to go south. There is also a chance that you will come out of it a much stronger person. I have and because of that, I am a better person.
There were some times when I missed my family- of course! I was used to seeing them all the time! I really missed having them around when I was pregnant. After Rosemary was born, Issy and I both really wanted to have our families close by to witness all the little things that she was learning and experiencing. As someone who was raised by my grandmother, I do understand and value the idea of family. I would not trade all the grandparent time I got for anything in the world. I loved our big family holidays that took up full weekends. I miss that stuff. I miss feeling connected to my many cousins. But the truth is that, at present, our path is not in WA or TX (where my husband’s family resides). Our path is here in Vermont. In some ways, that’s made the pandemic easier; less people to see. In some ways, it is also fair. We aren’t choosing one person’s family over the other. We are neutral. Also, our decisions are definitely our own. There are no other voices- just ours. And I mean that kindly! Everyone only wants the best for us and I know everyone has truly good opinions and ideas… but for us, it has really strengthened our bond as partners. We have to listen to and trust in each other- just us two.
The bad thing about living away from your family? Well, there lots of bad things! Not only do we miss them but we also worry. I worry about my grandparents because they are getting older (though I have made them promise me that they will never die so… why am I worrying?). I worry about my dad being isolated at home during the pandemic. Issy wants nothing more than to hangout with his best friend (his sister, Dina). He also misses his mom and dad and worries about them going to work and being out and about while Covid-19 is raging on in our country. If something were to happen to ANY of our family, it’s not easy to get a flight from VT to our home states. Layovers, layovers, layovers.
Moving away can be scary. It may not work out for you. And that’s ok. For us, it’s hard BUT it has worked out. We like our story and we like our path. We make it a point to get on the phone with our families often. I talk to my dad via FaceTime once a day, every day. I manage to FaceTime with my grandparents about once or twice a week so that they can see Rosemary. It all works out. As we start thinking about what’s next, we know that we are most likely never going “home” again. In fact, when we do go back to our birthplaces, it doesn’t feel like home. It all feels different. There is a lot of nostalgia and a lot of good memories but the future of our family is elsewhere. The one big thing I learned after I left Seattle is that home is where your heart is. And mine is wherever Issy, Bella, and Rosemary are.
The Salty Exchange 