Kendall: Women That Inspire Me

This has very much been a year of inspiration. I feel more certain of my path forward in life in terms of myself, my family, and my partnership. Getting this level of clarity takes a lot of work. Work to really look at myself, decide where I want to go, what my life needs, and how I can achieve all of that without sacrificing all of the other important parts of my life. It certainly hasn’t happened overnight. As someone who has spent most of their whole life finding reasons to downplay my inherent self, it’s taken years to reach this point. Here are the women who have been guiding lights to discovery, reflection, and, ultimately, awareness. 

Samin Nosrat

Samin is the famous author of the fantastic cookbook, “Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat.” This book (it’s also a Netflix series- GO WATCH IT NOW) has given me a greater appreciation for food. In turn, that’s turned into how I think about food. That has turned into how I feel about food. I don’t really hate food anymore. I appreciate the crap out of it. I appreciate how food can be simple; how cooking doesn’t need to involve a million different gadgets (but don’t get me wrong, I love me a Pampered Chef party). Samin’s passion for food is infectious. And life is too gosh darn short to not appreciate the way in which we nourish ourselves. 

Jane Austen

Ms. Austen understands both the complexity and frivolity of falling in love. Sure, the days of her writing are filled with corsets, stolen glances, and epic sideburns- but the messages are still incredibly powerful and relevant. We all know an Elizabeth Bennett or Anne Elliott (my personal favorite). Well, Eleanor Dashwood may be my favorite- I can’t choose! But there are endearing and relatable things about these heroins that have stood the test of time. There are many books out there- and yet, we all know who Jane is. To be on a first name basis with most of the western world is an impressive feat.

Julie Andrews

She is the leading lady of my childhood. Her kindness wasn’t a gimmick for the stage but is actually renowned throughout Hollywood. Her eloquence, poise, timing, and feeling translate into every role she has ever had. Watching her in all the different stages of her life makes me feel like I grew up with her. She has been my babysitter, mother, and grandmother. 

Michelle Obama

When I started reading her book, “Becoming” I felt a little nervous. After all, I grew up in a completely different time and way than our former First Lady. Yet, the more I read, the more I kept saying, “YAS GIRL.” Her vulnerability showed me a whole different side of an already impressive and driven woman. When former President Obama decided to run for office, I love that she didn’t mince words. The girl had doubts. GOOD ones. I RELATED. No, Issy isn’t running for office, but the drive of my husband can sometimes be all encompassing. Her questions, concerns, struggles, and, yes, demands, were things I understood.

Jean Kilbourne

Advertising and women. My two passions. I loved studying the way that ads and media impact the socialization and treatment of women. And it does- as it should. That’s what people pay for. Ms. Kilbourne calls out a lot of the systemic BS of these things and the dangers of not having a critical eye. Further, she discusses and advocates for more positive and real depictions of women in the media. I think we can all agree that this is a GOOD thing from both a social perspective but ultimately, from a financial perspective as well. 

Malala Yousafzai

The right to education is a basic human right. This would be a right she was targeted for and eventually shot for. Malala has been fierce, driven, and passionate about the access of education to women and children. It’s easy to forget this here in the US. While our school systems need some major love and a lot of work, the principle of it stands that it should be free regardless of your sex, gender, race, etc. We don’t think twice about it. She almost died for it. Take a moment and thank whoever or whatever you believe for that awesome right to learn. 

There are many more women out there. And the reasons are all COMPLETELY different. From standing up for herself and her legacy (Hey, Taylor Swift) to telling your political party to knock it off and get back to business (Rep. Liz Chenney, and the Honorable RBG). Women who own their past, their families, and their futures (KKW, Britney Spears, Senator Duckworth and Iliza Shlesinger to name a few) to women who have created the most amazing art that has influenced my heritage and pop culture (Frida Kahlo) to women that make you think about the world and where it is going (Naomi Wolf, Billie Jean King) to women who make you laugh so freaking hard at the realness of what they are saying (Ali Wong and Amy Schumer), I have never identified with so many women from all different times, places, AND views. Opening myself up to different views is actually really hard. I like to be stuck in my ways and convinced I am right. The truth is, I am, like, never right. Ever. How much time have I wasted from not standing in someone else’s shoes? From really living out empathy? How much time have you wasted? Explore the world. Explore the people in it! There’s a lot to learn, to see, and to be. 

Shari’s Summer Essentials

Shari’s Summer Essentials

Summer has officially hit the Pacific Northwest with a vengeance! As I write this, it is 84 degrees outside; which feels very unusual for the end of June in Washington! This weather is more like the end of July heat wave we are used to getting. I am not complaining though- I love that the heat is warming up the local lakes so we can go swimming soon! Speaking of swimming and summer, I have a few summer essentials that are perfect for going to the lake or the beach… you’re welcome in advance 🙂

Swimwear:

Hallelujah, a cute Romper Swimsuit from Target that looks classy and flattering on all body types. This is going to be a summer staple for me. I can wear it to a BBQ at the lake as my outfit and also jump in the water to swim if I want to. I was skeptical at first because rompers and I typically don’t go together well but I was pleasantly surprised at the fit and the cuteness factor! Speaking of the fit… they have extended sizing which is awesome and it comes in a variety of colors. I went for the classic black and it is amazing!

Footwear:

OluKai ‘Ohana Sandals are the best sandals since Superfeet stopped making their footwear. If you know me, you know I used to work for the insole company, Superfeet, and I am super picky about what goes on or under my feet. Superfeet stopped making their footwear in 2019 which means my favorite sandals were discontinued and I finally wore out my black pair completely and needed a new pair that was comparable… insert OluKai ‘Ohana Sandals which are comfortable, similar looking, and the perfect summer sandal. I bought mine at a physical REI store so that I could try them on and I can confidently say they run true to size. 

Summer Accessories:

I linked my exact Hydroflask water bottle which is currently (June 2021) discounted at Dick’s Sporting Goods. I grabbed the Hibiscus color and my husband got the Spearmint. We brought these Hydroflasks to San Diego with us last month and they were slim enough to take everywhere and they were the perfect size. I am not exaggerating when I say I have EVERY size water bottle you can think of so the fact that I like this water bottle so much means it is worth taking into consideration (and running to go buy yourself one).

This Roll-up Travel Hat which is technically called a “large brim visor”. This hat is perfect to throw in your beach bag and take with you anywhere. I bought mine in Palm Springs last year and found almost the exact same one on the San Diego Hat Company’s website. Trust me this is a summer must-have quite simply for protecting your face from the sun and the ease of traveling with it! I have used it so many times and I love that I can throw my hair up into a bun and keep it off my neck on hot summer days. 

There you go! These are just a few of my summer must-haves! Quite literally from head to toe this is what you will see me wearing on repeat Summer 2021. Let me know below if you end up trying any of the above items. Happy Solstice, my friends!

Kendall: A Letter To Papa Bear

Kendall: A Letter To Papa Bear

Dearest Papa Bear (as named by Rosemary),

When we first decided to have a baby, I know you trusted me to be more certain. I know that during our first appointment at 6 weeks, the Tricare preferred doctor left us in tears and scared that something was wrong with our baby. It was you that found a better doctor and clinic (Tricare be damned) and made sure everything worked out. You spent endless hours during our pregnancy translating almost every medical appointment so that I wouldn’t be scared or frustrated. I know that it was hard for you to understand me as I struggled with a heavy depression during my pregnancy. You felt helpless but I didn’t see it. All I saw was the same stable and able partner that I had married.

When I went into labor, you held it together. You were my rock. You held my head during an unexpected c-section and brought Rosemary to my chest as soon as she was out. That night, you sweat (literally) during her first diaper change. You helped me change my postpartum diapers (because I couldn’t move) without complaint. You took Rosemary’s first set of dirty clothes home for Bella to sniff so that she could be prepared to welcome her baby sister. You joke that Bella is in our family because she was part of the package deal with me. That may be true- but you snuggle her every night and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. She is just as much your daughter as Rosemary. 

To say that Rosemary loves you is simply not enough. Whenever you have to shut the door to do school, go to work, or just take a minute, she misses you. You are her everything. Seeing you completes her day. You’ve taught her to slide, dance, sing, and say, “Hola! Como esta? Bien bien.” You, Israel, are so loved by your daughter.

Rosemary won the lotto with you. You worry over every bump, cry, and mood change. Because of you, Rosemary will be strong. Because of you she will know what opportunity is and she will understand the complexity of life. Every day, I wonder what the hell I did to deserve you. As honored as I am to call you my husband, I am more honored to call you the father of my daughter.

Love,

Mama Bear, Baby Bear, and Bella Bear

Shari: Dear Dad

Shari: Dear Dad

Dear Dad, 

When I think of you there are so many memories that come to mind. I remember how I felt as a child when you would come home. I could hardly wait for you to walk through the door… like a little puppy I wanted to be the first to greet you and tell you how much I missed you. My heart still swells when I see you and hug you. You have such a special place in my life.

Like most kids, I am sure my teenage years were tough but you took it in stride, coaching my rec-league soccer team, attending every sporting event, and every orchestra concert (both at school and at home)! You were always there and always consistent; a strong support in my life that I didn’t take for granted. I appreciated seeing you in the crowd and knowing that you would cheer me on- win or lose. I knew that regardless of what happened we would go home and eat dinner around the table and laugh about something that happened that day. You, dad, were always a highlight to my day.

When I was born mom said you cried tears of joy because you KNEW I was going to be a girl. You picked out my name because you wanted it to be special. You named me after all your sisters. I know how much you wanted a girl and how deeply loved I was before I even took my first breath. As your only daughter and the baby of the family, I know I mean the world to you. Thank you for making sure I always knew and felt your love. I still remember hearing you brag to other parents, “Yeah the blonde one, Shari, she is my daughter” and the pride that would shine across your face. I hope I always make you feel that way. 

Thank you for teaching me how to agate hunt and enjoy kayaking out on the bay. Thank you for the copious amounts of dahlia bouquets in the summer (you have the greenest thumb). Thank you for always having the newest and nicest camera and insisting on taking photos. I love that we have a lifetime of documented memories. I’m so happy that you are enjoying your retirement with mom. You deserve it after all those years of hard work. I can’t wait to plan our next family vacation and make more memories together. I love you and am so honored to have you as my dad. 

Your daughter, 

Shari Koralyn

Kendall: Routines & Boundaries

Kendall: Routines & Boundaries

If you know me, you know I am a bit OCD. I thrive on a schedule, general organization, cleanliness, social interactions, and prep of any kind. When I don’t have control of those things, I lose it. I become irritable, stressed, and in some moments, I can even shake involuntarily. There is a big part of me that is deeply ashamed and embarrassed by this. What in the h-e-double hockey sticks is wrong with me? In short? Nothing. This is just how I am wired. I recognize the strengths in these “quirks” and also totally see the craziness of having an anxiety attack because there are crumbs on the floor. 

I realize that my life cannot be lived by a rigid schedule so I do allow for plenty of wiggle room. Basically, my days have an organized skeleton schedule that guides that randomness. This gives us a chance to live life and still stay on track for the things that need to get done. There are times though when all my planning, organizing, and focus go by the wayside. Vacations, visiting guests, holidays, and major life changes tend to disrupt the orderliness of our lives. To be clear: THIS IS NOT A BAD THING. BUT, this is where I have to make sure to check in with myself and make sure I am mentally prepared for changes. To some, this may sound silly. I get it. It just is what it is for me. 

Having a routine keeps me balanced. When I am balanced, I am rational, calm, happy, and focused. These are essential things for my well-being as well as my husband’s sanity! When I feel disruption coming, we are able to plan for it and make me feel prepared to deal with randomness. This is also where my obsessive need for boundaries comes into play. Boundaries have a negative connotation for a lot of people. For me, boundaries help me sort through interactions with people and things in a way that doesn’t overwhelm me. Once internalized and analyzed, I can be more adaptable to most situations. Control freak? Maybe. Too sensitive? Most definitely; hence the need for boundaries. But this is who I am. And if critical thinking, caution, and reflection make me feel better about disruption, leaps, and having unplanned fun, let me be me

My husband is the EXACT opposite of me. He loves randomness. He loves spontaneity. I love these things about him… most of the time! Together, our extremes have molded a pretty happy life. I accept that he needs an element of surprise to keep life exciting and he acknowledges that planning ahead has actually made life better. While I still hate surprises when it comes to anything solely for me, I have learned to love the surprise moments for us as a family. Now, I am off to live my carefully crafted Friday. There are some changes to the schedule- and I am totally ok with it. 

Shari: Tips and Tricks on Surviving the Emotional Circus

Hormones! Why do women have to deal with hormones? Especially around that special time of the month? It’s a rhetorical question; I am not really expecting an answer. But let me tell you… I am NOT a fan of being overly sensitive for several days out of the month. If you tell me I have too many dishes in the sink or that I haven’t been to the gym in a while I may want to simultaneously punch you and cry at the same time. Ahem. Can anyone else relate?

I’m saying this all as a typically even tempered, self-aware, and happy-go-lucky person. Yes, EVEN I HAVE MY MOMENTS! 

In the last few months all of the above has happened to me. I have been super sensitive and triggered by almost everything my family said. I know, I know- not my finest hour but I learned a lot from it and remember clearly how I felt. I felt underappreciated, unseen, and unhappy. If this is what women feel like when they are depressed or anxious I can only imagine adding the pressures of being a mother, or dealing with pre/during/post-partum. Sigh. I have more respect for women (and myself) now than I ever have. 

Although I’m not perfect, I am proud of myself for how I handled my emotions while my hormones performed their monthly circus act. Let’s get into that… I could feel the irritation from simple comments build up as I was making brunch from scratch. I could feel my resentment towards every, “I’m hungry, when is breakfast?” comment as I counted down the minutes it took for the pancakes to rise. I was tired; my body fighting against me with a slight headache growing and my Tylenol taking its sweet time to kick in. I fought the urge to say, “Make your own breakfast” or “I’m done, all I want to do is lay down and curl into the fetal position.” Instead I stood there in the kitchen and made a gourmet breakfast while everyone else played on their devices. I’m happy to announce that the brunch was served, bellies were full, and the Tylenol FINALLY took effect. I didn’t let my pain or emotions get the best of me. Until a simple, “The kitchen always has so many dishes in the sink,” comment sent me into a self destructive spiral internally. Externally, I only slightly defended the dishes by reminding them that the kitchen was spotless only an hour ago… had no one had apparently noticed it then?! My blood boiling, my eyes watering, and my hormones raging… I decided it was a great time to go to the garden and water the plants. This is where I am the most proud of myself from taking some distance from the issue. I acknowledged that I was overly sensitive. I planned a reasonable response to any future comments about the dishes (ahem, I will welcome that comment as an offer to help clean the dishes), and I felt myself relax. The hormones stopped spinning out of control and what seemed like a bubble of emotions finally popped. The rest of the day got easier and so did my ability to take comments in stride.

Why do I tell you that story? Well, I know it is relatable. I know we all have our moments where a simple comment, even a well intended comment, can be taken the wrong way and handled poorly just because our hormones are raging. It’s not fair that women have to deal with this so often. All of our efforts to be a good mom, a diligent wife, a thoughtful daughter, and caring sister or friend often feel unnoticed and unreciprocated. We have to realize that if something happened to us today… people will remember the collection of moments where we made them feel loved and special. They’ll remember those moments and how we made them feel long after we are gone. It’s easy to say, don’t let your hormones or emotions get the best of you. But it is true. Do your best to NOT let the emotional waves drown you. Acknowledge how you are feeling, give yourself some distance, and ask yourself, “Why is this hurting my feelings or making me sensitive?” Then work through it, let it go, and know you aren’t in this alone. Every woman is somewhere along the same path.

Lastly and most importantly, I want you to know that despite what you inherently tell yourself, you are SEEN, you are HEARD, and you are doing a DAMN GOOD JOB! 

The Salty Exchange: One Year Anniversary!

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

From Shari:

The Salty Exchange is more than just a blog. It’s a connection to myself, Kendall, friends, family and anyone who reads or benefits from something we’ve shared. To be honest, my weekly connection to Kendall has been one of the things I look forward to most in my week. Especially coming off of a year where connection is what most people lost. I can argue that through this process of creating TSE, we’ve gained it (connection). I’m grateful for the people who have taken the time to read our words. For those who have reached out to let me know how much something we wrote resonated with them, and those who have also supported us on social media we thank you. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked a question by a friend that can be answered by simply sharing a blog post with them. For example, I have shared my hiking essentials list with so many people that I have lost count. That said, I know we are far from “influencer status” or having the biggest following but that doesn’t matter to me. What matters is that the blog remains a creative outlet and something Kendall and I enjoy doing. A blog focused on friendship, collaboration, humor, and sass. I am proud of all we have accomplished in the last year. Our posts on grief and shame, our reflections from important moments in our lives, and our fun seasonal posts have kept The Salty Exchange interesting and dynamic. 

In the next year you can anticipate us diving deeper, keeping it relatable, and ultimately staying salty! 

Keep reading for Kendall’s reflections…

From Kendall:

Creating The Salty Exchange has been a soul food project. It has kept me grounded, thinking, and connecting. At first, I was a bit nervous about the expectations of TSE. Were we trying to get rich? Become famous? The answer to both of these questions is a resounding NO. In fact, being famous totally freaks me out. Attention = Kendall being awkward. What Shari and I set out to do was to create something that made us laugh, maybe made our friends laugh, and allowed us to explore the many topics floating around in our brains with each other.

Throughout this past year, my weekly chats with Shari have been lifesaving. It’s been the best intentional time. We have always been honest about our lives and thus, the expectations of TSE. We have two completely different lives but at the same time, we share an incredible amount of overlap. Her friendship has meant the world to me. 

Since our launch last June, we have been super excited at how often our blogs resonate with friends and family. We may not get a ton of “likes” or comments but the amount of DMs and texts we get have let us know that what we are doing is appreciated; that at times the things we write about actually help people. Dude, that’s cool. 

So thank you- thanks for hanging around. Keep hanging around- we have more to share! Stay salty, my friends!