If you know me, you know I am a bit OCD. I thrive on a schedule, general organization, cleanliness, social interactions, and prep of any kind. When I don’t have control of those things, I lose it. I become irritable, stressed, and in some moments, I can even shake involuntarily. There is a big part of me that is deeply ashamed and embarrassed by this. What in the h-e-double hockey sticks is wrong with me? In short? Nothing. This is just how I am wired. I recognize the strengths in these “quirks” and also totally see the craziness of having an anxiety attack because there are crumbs on the floor.
I realize that my life cannot be lived by a rigid schedule so I do allow for plenty of wiggle room. Basically, my days have an organized skeleton schedule that guides that randomness. This gives us a chance to live life and still stay on track for the things that need to get done. There are times though when all my planning, organizing, and focus go by the wayside. Vacations, visiting guests, holidays, and major life changes tend to disrupt the orderliness of our lives. To be clear: THIS IS NOT A BAD THING. BUT, this is where I have to make sure to check in with myself and make sure I am mentally prepared for changes. To some, this may sound silly. I get it. It just is what it is for me.
Having a routine keeps me balanced. When I am balanced, I am rational, calm, happy, and focused. These are essential things for my well-being as well as my husband’s sanity! When I feel disruption coming, we are able to plan for it and make me feel prepared to deal with randomness. This is also where my obsessive need for boundaries comes into play. Boundaries have a negative connotation for a lot of people. For me, boundaries help me sort through interactions with people and things in a way that doesn’t overwhelm me. Once internalized and analyzed, I can be more adaptable to most situations. Control freak? Maybe. Too sensitive? Most definitely; hence the need for boundaries. But this is who I am. And if critical thinking, caution, and reflection make me feel better about disruption, leaps, and having unplanned fun, let me be me.
My husband is the EXACT opposite of me. He loves randomness. He loves spontaneity. I love these things about him… most of the time! Together, our extremes have molded a pretty happy life. I accept that he needs an element of surprise to keep life exciting and he acknowledges that planning ahead has actually made life better. While I still hate surprises when it comes to anything solely for me, I have learned to love the surprise moments for us as a family. Now, I am off to live my carefully crafted Friday. There are some changes to the schedule- and I am totally ok with it.
The Salty Exchange 