I contemplated not sharing this story because it is so new and extremely personal. The irony of that sentence is that it goes against all the reasons we started The Salty Exchange. We started this blog to get personal, to be vulnerable, and to share stories in order to relate and connect with anyone who follows along. So here it goes… after 60 years apart, my mom reunited with her half brothers Joe and Eric in June (this year) and I met my uncles for the first time a few weeks ago.
It is a tragic and confusing story as to why Joe and Eric were sent into foster care. A story that doesn’t reflect well on my grandma (no matter which way you try to explain it) but we suspect it was the fact that she had a mixed and blended family which was a bit unprecedented at the time. Regardless, they were just little kids; my mom was 6 years old, Joe was 4, and Eric was only 2. My mom fiercely loved her brothers and one day while she was at school (or so her mother thought), the state workers came and picked up her brothers. They coaxed Joe away with the promise of food. My mom knew something was happening that day and skipped school to hide in the bushes, she cried watching her brothers get taken.
I will spare you from the details of what life was like for my mom. She had a rough childhood and there was never a moment when she didn’t think about her sweet little brothers. My grandma told her she was never allowed to talk about Joe and Eric. I know… too much to demand of a 6 year old but my mom was scared just enough to obey. My mom had two older half brothers and besides Joe and Eric she had another two younger half brothers. Six brothers in total.
Growing up my mom never kept secrets from us, I knew my entire life that I had six uncles (not four) and that Joe and Eric were out there somewhere. Their names would make it into my nightly prayers and I dreamed of meeting them someday. In 2019, my grandma passed away and a few months later I asked my mom if she was going to start the search for her brothers. She said she didn’t know where to begin and honestly thought maybe they didn’t want to be found.
Fast forward to this Spring 2021… My aunt was calling old adoption agencies and around the same time my mom saw an ad on Facebook called People Whiz. My mom typed in her brother’s birth name and birth date (yes, that is how much they meant to her that after 60 years she still remembered these details). Sure enough Joe’s name popped up and connected to it was Eric’s name and details. My mom quickly realized that they still lived in the same state, they still had their birth names, and Eric had kids. My aunt and mom joined forces and the plan to contact them began.
They eventually found out that my uncles are ‘mountain men’ who have little to no service at their property. My aunt made contact with Eric’s daughter and although she was skeptical (who wouldn’t be) she realized that this contact was from a legitimate family member and the process of reuniting these siblings began. Thankfully Joe and Eric were receptive and excited when Eric’s daughter told them the news. Apparently Joe had tried and failed to find their family previously (which makes sense because my mom’s name changed when my grandma re-married). Before their reunion in June of this year I was talking to my mom and I asked her how she was feeling about everything. With tears in her eyes she said she felt really excited and a little nervous.
I’d like to take a moment to note that I’ve really struggled with my mom’s life story. I can’t quite fathom how her childhood could have been so awful yet she is the most beautiful person inside and out that I’ve ever met. It makes me angry when people dismiss her. My mom has a quiet but sincere presence and is the least demanding person I know. I pay close attention to how my family and friends interact with her and treat her. These days I can clearly see how my mom broke the cycle of abuse and neglect by raising us the opposite of what she experienced; she was and still is the absolute best mom. My brothers and I consider ourselves extremely blessed.
Needless to say, the reunion in June went well. When Joe first saw my mom he said that he remembered seeing her in the bushes crying all those years ago when he and Eric were taken from their home. My mom nodded, cried, and hugged him. Their first embrace in 60 years. Eric confirmed he didn’t remember much other than what he had heard from his brother. My mom told Joe how he got the scar on his face, she shared stories of their childhood… all the stories she had held onto for these years and her brother’s learned more about their past. The reunion was beautiful. My cousin’s husband filmed it all and I can’t watch it without crying and feeling all the emotions.
Now several months later (mid-August), it was my turn to meet my uncles and cousins. I couldn’t believe how sweet and funny my uncles were. Eric, his son, and his daughter came to visit and I could hardly wait to hug him and my cousins and meet their families. The following day my Uncle Joe rode up on his motorcycle and he looked equally shocked and happy when I popped out of the car and said “I’m your niece!” Both Joe and Eric made jokes about ‘betcha never knew we existed’ but it’s quite the contrary… I did know they existed and I had thought about them so much growing up. I am overjoyed that I finally have been able to hug them, laugh with them, talk to them, and learn about them and their lives. I also feel the same with my cousins! Eric’s daughter has a striking resemblance to our grandmother (all her best features) and she has such a positive personality, you can’t help but want to be around her. My other cousin is hilarious, he is easy going like his dad and adds the perfect amount of sarcasm to the conversation. I can’t wait to keep learning more about them and spending time with them.
Families are complex and I know many reunion stories that hold so much resentment and anger. I am grateful for a family that can look past the tragedies of the past and come out stronger and full of joy and appreciation for the present moments. We don’t understand why things happen the way they do but I sure am amazed with how everything works out. That is my story of our reunion… my mom’s sweet brother’s, my uncles, my cousins, our family.
Really the story is just beginning.
The Salty Exchange 