Month: December 2021

Shari on having a Merry ‘slow’ Christmas and Happy ‘relaxing’ New Year

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When trying to think of a topic to blog about this week, I felt stuck. What could I possibly talk about that would resonate with our readers, friends, and family. Honestly, we all know it is a busy season with Christmas only days away and the New Year countdown shortly after. This month is like every other month before it… just flying right on by. Then I realized the most obvious topic to talk about in this end of year madness is something I embarked on only a week ago. I decided to take a challenge at the end of the year and practice slowing down. This practice of slowness can apply to so many things you typically do. Already I have gone on a slow walk, listened to slow music, brushed my teeth slowly, took on a task at work and didn’t rush myself through it, baked cookies and just enjoyed the process and so many other things.

SLOW. 

What a concept. Especially during the busiest time of year, I’m practicing going slow. Leaning into quiet, nothing, and allowing those moments to completely fill me up to the brim. Slow is something that I was forced to do when COVID initially shut down everything. My schedule was halted, my routine disrupted, and the struggle to find a new ‘busy’ began… but I am enjoying the idea of intention around doing things slower and the reflection that it brings. How would you feel if you decided to wash your hands slower, stop and take in a deep breath of fresh air, sat in silence for a few minutes, or took a nap? What does that do to your perspective, what does it do for you, and your day?

In the past week, my workplace has opened back up to most of the staff and my team has gone back. My work from home time has come to an end and I had very mixed feelings about it. I was both so excited to see my coworkers in-person again and simultaneously sad to leave the comfort and convenience of my own home. This process of slowing down has been really nice to incorporate into my work day. I notice myself slowly sipping tea, standing more than I did at home, getting outside for fresh air and walks. Although I miss being home and laying on the couch if I needed to, I am really enjoying the perks of being back in the office and I am trying to appreciate the little things as I ease back in. 

This slow challenge couldn’t come at a better time (in the midst of change, the holidays, and the brink of a new year)! I challenge you to consider slowness and how you can incorporate it into your life through a simple task every day. The challenge that I am participating in is called 75 Slow if you want to look into it for yourself. The concept is simple and extremely beneficial. So Merry ‘slow’ Christmas and have a Happy ‘relaxing’ New Year, my friends!

‘Twas a Few Days Before Christmas and…

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I, Kendall, am a hot mess. Where did I put all the presents I bought over the past few months? Why am I behind on baking? Is that gift for my dad cool enough? Did I get the right thing for my husband’s stocking? Is the grocery shopping list for Christmas Day finalized?

Due to some life circumstances, I have been more sleepy than usual and, thus, I am a bit behind. Somehow today, I got my butt in gear. I found all the presents and grouped them together by person. I rifled through a storage bin to find all of the donation items for our neighborhood’s Christmas morning coat drive for charity. My Christmas shopping is officially done. Everything has shipped. Now, my husband just has to use his superior gift wrapping abilities (he’s a bit of a perfectionist) and wrap it all up. I won’t make him wrap his stuff… in fact I will probably just hand it to him since I loathe wrapping and hate the waste.

Our house smells like Christmas thanks to delicious candles. We have done Christmas-y things! We are enjoying the season as much as we can in the midst of an unsettled pandemic, nausea, exhaustion, and super cold weather. Despite being behind on a few things, I am on track to get a lot of stuff done today and tomorrow so that we are ready for Christmas Eve. This is my favorite time of the year and it’s hard for me to get too down and overwhelmed. Especially when friends drop me large boxes of cookies… that I don’t share with my family because I, Kendall, am a cookie hoarder.

Merry Holidays!

Kendall’s Reflections on Losing Her Mom (7 Years Later)

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Kendall’s Reflections on Losing Her Mom (7 Years Later)

December is one of my most favorite months of the year. I LOVE the holiday season. It has also become one of the most challenging months for me. As many of you know, my mother passed away a while ago. December 7th marks seven years since her passing. Every year I feel something different. Sometimes there is a peace I experience with her being gone. Some years I feel angry. This year, I feel… alone. 

My mom did not believe in being a best friend to her daughters. She believed in making us tough. She wanted us to chase after everything and anything we wanted and she never wanted us to settle. Rosemary Barnett was not perfect. But she was my mom- and that’s perfect for me. I was sometimes scared to tell her things because I was worried about letting her down. Her expectations for us were pretty gosh darn high. Looking back, I am glad for it. She made me have a backbone. She encouraged me to live my life on my terms- even when other people might not like it. Mom used to say that if you change your mind just because someone else has a problem or issue with what you are saying or doing, how you can be certain of what you stand for or what it is you truly want. And she would say it all in that tone. You know what I am talking about, right? The tone that intimidates and comforts us all at once. It’s the tone of mothers.

When you experience the loss of a loved one, the emotions are all over the place. Everyone experiences grief differently. At the time of her passing, I wasn’t really able to grieve. I had to hold it together. Everyone (not just me) had lost someone; a wife, a daughter, a friend, a sister, an aunt, a cousin, a coworker, etc. My grief was also slower to appear. The realization of her not being here has hit me hard. It hit me hard when I married my husband. It hits me hard when I realize she will never meet her grandchildren. It’s almost unbearable to think too much about. She spent so much time shopping for the babies of her friends and family. She loved it. Like, LOVED it. She was an excellent gift giver (something I have not inherited). Grammy Rosemary will never get to shop for her grandbabies. That thought is a true kick in my gut.

Since having baby Rosemary, I have missed having a consistent and maternal woman in my life. The truth is, no one can take her place. Honestly I am not sure I would let anyone try. I miss her no nonsense attitude telling me to toughen up. I miss her tickling me with her toes. I miss the way she would give Bella the last of her yogurt (I can assure you Bella misses this too and to this day still goes ape sh*$ when she sees us eating yogurt- thanks for that, mom). I miss having someone to ask questions too or recall things about life when we were little. She had a knack for remembering everything. This was very helpful unless she was pulling something out of the mental filing cabinet against me!! Haha. 

I am not much like my mom. I look like her. I sound like her. But I am nowhere near as strong as she was. I am nowhere near as even tempered with people as she was. Her kindness was known to everybody from her coworkers and family to the grocery store checkout clerk at the local Safeway. Having to tell people that she had passed is also what kept me pretty hardened with my grief. A few days after she had passed, she missed an eye appointment. She had seen Dr. Peck for years. He knew her and his staff knew her. Having to call and explain this to the receptionist turned into one of the hardest moments of my life. Telling my family we had let her go was excruciating. Telling her best friend, Joan, was so painful my throat hurt from holding back tears. Yet, telling Dr. Peck’s receptionist became one of the hardest moments for me when this poor woman broke down into tears… this is a woman that, sure, knew my mom but didn’t even know her as well as others. That’s when I knew my mom left an impression. 

As I have grown our family, I have missed her. The truth is, it’s lonely not to have your mom to talk to. In the past year, that’s the grief emotion I have felt most: lonely. I am lonesome without my mom. I could really use her right now. I also really want to care for her. I wish I could give her all the grandbaby snuggles and kisses. I wish I could cook for her. I wish I could do something for her- the way she did everything for me. 

The last feeling I want to talk about with grief is shame. Sometimes, I feel shame. I feel a little bit of shame in that it took us so long to really connect. It’s not all my fault, but I do feel bad and naive for thinking that we had all the time in the world. I also feel deep shame in wondering if I made her proud. How vain is that? Yet, it’s what I want to know most and will never get an answer to. There was a lot left unfinished for not just us but for her. She was on the cusp of doing so many things- she had plans! And I feel shame that I couldn’t help her do those things or live out those things more when she was alive. Again, thinking you have all the time in the world is normal but not always true. 

To honor my mom best, I try my hardest to make Christmas a jolly time for my family. While I don’t have the talent for gift giving (or wrapping for that matter) that she did, I do know how to make the spirit of the season burst from the seams of my house just like she did. I am different from her. But I am who I am because of her. For that, I am thankful.

Shari’s Thoughts on How to Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle During the Holidays

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A few years ago I decided I didn’t want to use wrapping paper. Instead I took a deep-dive into Pinterest and looked up creative ways to reduce waste and wrap gifts. I found so many interesting and beautiful ideas. From reusing brown packing paper and decorating with twine or a sprig of dried lavender or rosemary, to wrapping gifts in tea towels or making beautiful reusable baskets. The gifts were all well received by family and friends but they took time, patience and a little extra money. Now I know that it really just takes some planning, thrifty-ness, and vision. If you have even the slightest bit of crafty creativity you could really have a lot of fun with the idea of useful gift wrapping. I know I sure enjoyed it.

Photo credit: Vadym Petrochenko, Getty Images/iStockphoto

Another way I have reduced, reused, and recycled during the holidays is by simply buying local items. Local honey, soaps, treats, coffee, or anything that I knew my family and friends (even my coworkers) would enjoy! I love doing these types of items especially for stocking stuffers; so easy, unique, and let’s not forget meaningful to the local artisan that made the item. This year I am purchasing a decent amount of toffee from Anytime Toffee as co-worker gifts and family stocking stuffers. 

Remember nature is our greatest gift and another way to be mindful during the holidays is by giving the gift of experiences. I know of a family that is completely experience-based! That is their gift to each other every year. They saved all the money that they would have spent during the holidays to go on nature-based adventures and have visited almost all of the United States National Parks. They still decorate for Christmas and do some basic Santa gifts but in place of the bigger items they do a scavenger hunt to announce the next national park they will visit. It’s now a Christmas tradition and the kids look forward to it every year. Such a fun idea! 

There are other unique ways to give gifts, maybe even a gift that keeps on giving throughout the year. My brother gifted me a subscription to the Norwegian American Newspaper and I LOVE getting it every month. It is a gift that keeps giving and puts a smile on my face way more than once a year! Are there any local subscriptions that you could gift to your family? Maybe a wine membership? There are literally subscriptions for any type of person that are unique and reasonably priced. It’s time to have fun with gift giving and think outside the box!  

Whether you are consciously wrapping your gifts, buying items from local artisans, giving the gift of experience or a fun subscription, I hope you enjoy the process. I hope you enjoy the thoughtfulness that goes into giving gifts. I hope you think about what you ask others for. But mostly I hope you have a very Merry Christmas, all gifts aside.

Shari’s Advent Activity List

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Nearly a decade ago I made an Activity Advent calendar for my friend. I wrote 24 activities on cards and also threw in a few gifts on random days of the advent. Most of the activities were simple and fun. If it was something that required an item that was easy to include, I would include the item (example: I’d include the Hot cocoa and a peppermint stick on the day that said “Drink hot cocoa and stir with a peppermint stick”.)

There are ways to make this activity advent even more of a gift for someone to enjoy the entire month (or you can do 12 days leading up to Christmas if you don’t want to do 24 days). You can make it simple and just send them the list for them to choose the items they like and make their own advent calendar. Maybe they could even add in their own ideas like going to a Tree Farm to get the tree, attend a Christmas Parade, or sing Christmas Carols with the neighbors. Whatever you decide, I hope this this is helpful and sparks some holiday memories for you to create!

  1. Listen to Christmas Music
  2. Drink Hot Cocoa and stir with a peppermint stick
  3. Take a drive and go look at Christmas lights on houses
  4. Build and decorate a gingerbread house
  5. Watch a Christmas Movie 
  6. Wear cozy pajamas
  7. Read a Christmas Book
  8. Bake cookies
  9. Make cut out snowflakes
  10. Dance to your favorite Christmas Song
  11. Write a Christmas Wish-List
  12. Eat your favorite seasonal holiday treats
  13. Visit a local store to buy a gift
  14. Volunteer at a Toy Drive or donate a toy 
  15. Write a Christmas card and mail it to someone 
  16. Drive to a grocery store with a salvation army ringer just to donate 
  17. Call a friend or family member you haven’t talked to in awhile
  18. Take a bubble bath 
  19. Write an “Christmas Cheer” encouraging note for someone to find
  20. Learn a Christmas joke and tell it to someone
  21. Draw or Color a Christmas scene
  22. Surprise a friend or coworker with a hot beverage
  23. Write a list of non-material things you are grateful for
  24. Light a holiday candle & make your home smell festive

Again, this is just a simple list, but you can rearrange these ideas or tweak them to fit with you and your holiday traditions. You may have even done a few of these ideas already. But no matter what, it is fun to do an activity based advent calendar and I promise you’ll make fun memories in the process! 

Kendall on Holiday Celebrations

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Full disclosure: I celebrate Christmas. But, I feel like the following applies to any holiday gathering or day you might be partaking in this year! 

My name is Kendall and I have an obsession with Christmas. I have inherited this said obsession from my mother and grandmother. As a kid, Christmas was magical. My grandmother had this epic tree, stunning decorations, delicious cookies, and there would be presents overflowing from underneath her tree into her whole formal dining room. It was a kid’s dream. My mom had the tradition of always setting up her tree the day after Thanksgiving. I would huff and puff at having to help my dad bring boxes up to her. But the end result of her tree was always so special. She really knew how to decorate a tree. It was worth the huff and puff. 

As the years have gone by, we have all added to our families and traditions have changed. Even being an adult has changed Christmas celebrations! Today, I have a kiddo to think about. Meals need to be timed around naps and bedtime… to a point at least. We have a fair amount of flexibility with Rosemary but there is a point of no return and, then, potentially losing the day! So, we have to be thoughtful about how we celebrate. We can’t do all the things we did growing up because Rosemary is her own kid. She is helping us carve out new traditions! She loves hot chocolate and Christmas movies. She adores warm and cozy holiday pajamas. She abhors opening gifts; she gets so overwhelmed that she can’t focus and then she goes into a complete meltdown. Thus, we have to rethink Christmas! This year, while she is still in the thick of toddlerdom, we have opted to do gifts slowly over the month and up until Three Kings on January 6th. We have also started doing chocolate advent calendars. There is even a dog advent calendar for Bella (thank you Trader Joes!). Every night Rosemary gets at least one holiday story. Our puzzle board has Christmas themed puzzles and “Run Run Rudolph” has become the Arguello house theme song. 

Logistically, celebrating a holiday can be hard. There are so many different gatherings that some days it can feel like you live out of your car instead of enjoying the day! I suggest avoiding the holiday burnout by not overcommitting to things. Prioritize what is important, compromise if you have families involved, and try to remember that the holiday season is supposed to be about being together- not being perfect. There is no such thing. As kids, we think there is but as we grow up, we know better. Food might be delayed. Presents might be stuck in a port somewhere, the tree may have some lights that are out, or maybe you just can’t make it to every gathering. This is all ok. Just enjoy the moments with the people you love. Snuggle in with a cup of cocoa or a great glass of something stronger, watch that favorite Christmas movie, and allow yourself to feel the spirit of the season. 

I would also like to take a moment to say that for some, the holidays are hard. There are a variety of reasons for why this season can be difficult for someone. I also struggle with missing loved ones and can get pretty down. If you need anything, Shari and I are here. And if you need help urgently, please reach out to a trusted source or 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline).

“Though I’ve grown old, the bell still rings for me, as it does for all who truly believe.”
– Chris Van Allsburg, The Polar Express