Being a mom to a toddler is a bit of an emotional roller coaster. On any given day you can be loved, kicked, screamed at, snuggled with, cherished, or hated. It’s a total mind f^#$.
My toddler is so… smart. She knows her numbers, colors, shapes, and emotions. But as a toddler she also completely lacks the skills to instantly recognize her feelings and then act appropriately. To be fair, we probably all know some adults that are like this. Regardless, she is fascinating. Watching her little brain learn and process things is a total privilege. Albeit, one that sometimes requires me to hide in the pantry for a five minute sanity break.
She wants space but all she wants are snuggles. Her desire for independence is only eclipsed by her panic that comes on when she realizes I am not in the living room but upstairs swapping out the laundry. As her dad and I have gotten to know more of who she is becoming we have been left with lots of questions. Are we doing enough? Are we being taken seriously as her parents? How do we address certain behavioral issues that are TOTALLY normal for a toddler? How do we give her independence with boundaries? How do we teach her that it’s okay to have lots of feelings and the words to express those feelings? How do we not overly validate everything so that she learns and doesn’t just become some jerk of an adult? The questions are endless and the answers are few.
Some days it feels like I get nothing right. Others, it feels like I am “on” and totally winning the whole motherhood game. What I have learned about myself is this: I am enough. My daughter has shown me that through all of her tantrums, joys, games, laughs, and frustrations that I am enough. She loves me, forgives me, and encourages me. When you receive that from a child, it totally changes you… at least it has for me! I was never certain about being a mom. I thought I might be too selfish to really be any good at it. Loving Rosemary has made me a more giving and kind person.
Being a mom is just one part of who I am. Yet at present as a stay at home mom, it is sort of the most dominant part of myself. Every part of my day centers around my daughter. I am a glorified chef, playmate, nurse, and therapist to my three year old. Where in all of that stuff am I? Does it even matter? Well, yes, it does matter. When I have consistent breaks, I mother better. I am more patient, tender, and level headed. Finding moments to take breaks is hard. They won’t always be, but right now they are. With Issy working and in grad school, our routine is different. He is working his butt off to achieve something really wonderful; something I understand. Higher education is a total privilege and worth the blood, sweat, and tears. When I was in grad school, I didn’t have a lot of support. I handled working and school all on my own without a cheerleader. Being there for my husband is really important to me. This crazy time in our life will pass. Very soon actually! What will we do when he has all of his free time back? Don’t worry- I have a list for him! Haha. And it’s one he can’t wait to jump on. We will also have a new baby and therefore, a whole new dynamic to figure out. It’s daunting. But, together, we have always figured it all out.
Things are going to change a lot in the next few months. Who I am as a mother will change. The saga will continue. I’ll keep you updated.
The Salty Exchange 