Three years ago, my husband and I were living in Valencia, Spain. I was heavily pregnant. I had stopped sleeping well. My ankles had pretty much disappeared. I was so swollen it hurt. The past 9 months had been tough on me. There was no glow, little joy, and a lot (like, a lot) of nausea. Depression had dominated two thirds of the pregnancy term. Despite all of that, I knew I was going to love my daughter and that the darkness I had lived in would lift. There was a deep sense of certainty in my mind that it would all work out. And just like that, on October 1st, 2018, it did.
I won’t bore ya with the details of my labor. It was hard. It was scary. It was amazing. When I heard Rosemary cry for the first time, my heart did this thing. A flutter, joyful kind of pitter patter took over my body. All of a sudden, she was not just a being living in my womb… she was solid matter in my arms.
Rosemary and me right after she was born.
Rosemary is… amazing. Amazingly smart. Amazingly beautiful. Amazingly annoying. Amazingly human. She is unbothered by the trials of the past 18 months. She cares most about balls (of any kind really), Frozen, books, books, books, and walks around the neighborhood. Scaling the ladders at the park are her new thing and I am a little terrified. Her independence is in full bloom. And while I am delighted to see this kind of growth, I also feel scared. At present, Issy and I make her decisions. Her care is ours. Sure, she has opinions but what we say goes. What happens when that changes and she actually cares about the socks she is going to wear or the vegetable she is going to eat? I am so not ready for that. But, I know it’s coming whether I am ready or not.
SO. Her third birthday is approaching. How am I doing? Despite being totally freaked out that she is already three, I am happy. I am happy that she is relatively normal… though a little lacking in the sharing department with other kids… Rosemary is a wonderful kid. She loves to be active. She has begun to hop everywhere. It’s incredibly sweet. As we plan for her birthday weekend, we feel a lot of joy with our little family. She has already received gifts from a TON of people and I am contemplating giving her something new each day between now and the end of the weekend so as to not overwhelm her with anything on her big birthday day (Christmas of 2020 was a bit overstimulating for her and we have learned our lesson). She only turns three once and the chances that she will remember it are slim- but we still want to give her as much joy as we can! My heart is full when I think ahead of all that is going to come for her in the following year. I have a feeling she will rock ski lessons in the winter, be successful at preschool in the spring and swim fiercely during the summer. I. Love. Her.
Tis’ the season to say goodbye to your summer garden. Last week I pulled out almost all of my summer plants and started the process of winterizing my garden. Gardening has always been therapeutic for me and a place I feel at peace. There is something special about sticking your hands in the soil and growing something from a little seed that nourishes your body and also makes you feel a sense of accomplishment. I get it. I get why so many people garden. I almost wish I had a year round garden but if I am being honest, it is also a lot of work.
I decided not to do a garden next year. I seem to be on an every other year trajectory since my previous garden was in 2019. And I am totally fine with that. However, I don’t expect myself to remember everything I learned this year come the Spring of 2023 so here are some tips to help me remember and, maybe in the process, they will help you too.
Succession planting: Next time I have a garden I want to plant my vegetables in a way that allows me to maximize my space and produce. Once I pull my first batch of radishes, plant more! Same with carrots and anything else that could produce another round of harvest fairly quickly. Also if I don’t want to plant the same thing, like putting cabbage where the radishes were, then I can plant something else in place of it that utilizes the space properly. Key words there, only plant something that is space appropriate which leads me to my next point…
Spacing: My spacing was a smidge off this year. I didn’t realize how big my yellow squash or cucumber plants would get (whoops). Next time I need to remember this and space them out accordingly to avoid overcrowding. Thankfully I used tomato plant cages for the yellow squash and it kept them really contained. I also used a square cage for the cucumber plants to grow up and it worked so nicely; these are definitely two things I plan to do again.
Thinning: I need to remember to take thinning out my plants seriously. I learned the hard way with my carrots and leeks. The leeks were the worst, I thought I thinned them out but to my surprise they never got very big and still seemed overcrowded when I finally pulled them last weekend. Next time I need to make sure I follow the directions and give them the proper thinning and spacing that they require to thrive.
Weeding: A note to myself and to you… make sure to weed your garden daily or at least weekly before you water, this way you will stay on top of them as your garden continues to grow. Also a perk of thinning out your plants is that you can see weeds that grow in between your plants better. If your plants are too close together it can be hard to see the weeds that are growing right next to your plant.
There you have it, those are my final thoughts as I close out my spring and summer of gardening. I am thankful for all the kale, cucumbers, carrots, and more that I have grown and consumed this year. I have loved watching my garden thrive and tending to it. But in all honesty, I am ready for this season to end and to cozy on up for the fall and winter. I guess my houseplants and friends’ gardens will have to keep me occupied for the next year. Bye-bye garden, it’s been fun!
Let’s be real, the gym doesn’t need to be scary or intimidating. I know that is easier said than done. I have been there. I used to go to the gym and get extremely intimidated and end up just doing small workouts that didn’t utilize any of the machines or other numerous amounts of equipment available to me. It’s also worth mentioning that there was a time where I loved group classes BUT getting up at 4:30 am almost every weekday eventually wore me down. To be honest, my inconsistencies with exercise have been confusing over the years. I have gone from expensive barre classes to cheap box gym memberships and so many others in between. But like everything, there is a season and I have found myself at a local gym where I see it as an extended home gym with so many options. I now think of the gym as a sacred space for me to sweat and get my heart pumping; it’s a place I look forward to going, whenever I can.
How did I get to this current moment of loving my gym? Here is how… I knew pretty quickly into “at home workouts” in 2019 that I missed the gym. Nothing against home workouts but I know myself and I need the physical location of a gym. The machines, the classes, and mostly the separate space to work out rather than my cozy living room. My husband and I visited several gyms at the end of that year and I am so glad we did because we found the perfect gym for us and it was close to home. Everything about the gym drew us to it, from the reasonable cost of membership, to 24 hour access 7 days a week, to the open floor plan and less crowded space. It was an easy decision and so we decided to join.
Then Covid happened… and we were back to at-home workouts, bike rides, and outdoor activities. Which was fun but not quite the same as going to the gym. We counted down the days until our new-to-us gym would open back up and we could get into some sort of routine.
Finally the gym reopened and we have been diligently going ever since. My husband, Alex, and I have a routine now, we start with cardio and transition into weight training (usually targeting a specific muscle group). When we first started I would walk around the gym aimlessly and get a little overwhelmed but Alex would find exercises based on what body part he wanted to focus on and eventually I caught on and started to do the same. We even lift together several times a week! We always start with cardio and a good 10-20 minutes of getting our heart rate up. Then we pick 5 or 6 different workouts that target a specific part of the body… back, arms, shoulders, legs, or core and we do each exercise in sets of 5, the reps of each depend on the exercise we choose. To be honest, I prefer doing exercises in sets of 3 but Alex pushing the 4th and 5th set have been the game changer for me. I think I get tired of the repetition or exhausting a certain muscle group but in reality – that is the point, to break the muscle down to build it back up!
I truly look forward to the gym these days. It’s hard to explain the rush of excitement at the thought of going and working out. Maybe it is because I am finally noticing a difference or maybe it is the rush of endorphins. Whatever it is, I am thankful that I get to experience a healthy and happy relationship with the gym. I wish this for everyone so please reach out if you have any questions about the gym and what to do there. I am happy to help!
From Kendall:
I love working out. Before getting pregnant I was in great shape and was doing crazy PIIT workouts (Pilates Intensity Interval Training) and running about 5k multiple days a week. Then during pregnancy I stopped working out. Every time I went to do something, my stomach pulled in this super uncomfortable way. It hurt. So I listened to my doctor and stopped. After giving birth, I had a hard time finding that fire to get back in it. I was constantly breastfeeding AND leaking milk all the time. I preferred to just stay relatively still.
In late December of 2019, I re-committed myself to getting back in the gym. Lucky for me, that ended up being in my basement. Considering how 2020 turned out, I am beyond grateful that my husband built us an amazing and functional gym space. Phew. Anyways, I was a SLOW starter those first few months. Due to a variety of factors I mainly did quick 15 minute HIITS. Sadly, those kicked my butt. But then, I got better and stronger so I upped my workouts to longer HIITS. After about 3 months, my husband (a total gym nerd) started me on muscle group workouts. And that’s when I began to notice a huge difference in my body.
Everybody has a different threshold of what they can handle. Further, everybody has something different they want to accomplish with being in the gym. For me it has become about staying healthy and, honestly, soaking up the ONLY alone time I get all day. When I am in the gym it’s just me and my music or audiobook. It’s 100% my time where I focus on strengthening my body, pushing it to train harder, and care only about myself.
I do not have a model’s body- and I am cool with that. But I have amazing endurance, strength, and focus. I want my daughter to see that her mom is healthy. I want her to see that being active is a normal and essential part of life. Sure, she can watch Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin five times in a row (and no I am not kidding) but she also LOVES running around outside, going on walks, and climbing the ladders at the park. She is a super active kid and working out consistently has helped me to keep up with her.
Every week I average about 4-5 days of gym time. I love it. I have actually changed in that I NEED to workout regularly. IF I don’t, I am irritable. Being in the gym has been beneficial to myself not only physically, but mentally as well. Endorphins are key to being happy and I definitely feel them. Something else the gym has done is give me stamina… you know the kind I am talking about. I have no shame in saying that my appetite for that part of my relationship came back with a fierce vengeance as my body started building more muscle and cardio endurance. So not only is that part of my life on fire but I am also able to keep up with my toddler… all because of my time in the gym. Being in the gym is truly my time to mentally vision board who I am and where I am going.
Anyways, here are some of my tips and tricks for getting back in the gym, staying at the gym, and evolving your workouts:
Get a pre-workout supplement you like. I love Advocare Spark. Consult your doctor before trying any product.
Stay consistent with your gym time. Creating a routine where working out is done at the same time is key to making it part of your life and muscle memory.
For home gyms: shop sales for equipment AND make sure to use your CC for purchases until they arrive in the mail. There are A LOT of scammers out there and banks are a lot more lenient on helping you out if it is a CC transaction.
For gym memberships: make a list of what is important to you on your health journey. Do you want a gym that offers Zumba classes? Do you want a gym that has a great crossfit set up? Don’t waste money on a gym you aren’t committed to. Find a place that gives you the specific resources you need to succeed in your fitness goals.
Change it up! I get bored doing the same thing every day. PLUS- it doesn’t actually do your body justice to serve it the same workouts every day. Mix it up! Make Monday your leg day followed by cardio Tuesday and so on. If you want a sample workout schedule, let me know. My husband and I can help draft one for you. His arms don’t lie- he works out.
Give yourself rest. IF you injure yourself determine if you need to take a few days off or if you can push through. Don’t think you are a failure for taking the rest. Sometimes that rest can keep you out of the hospital!
Stretch! Ok- I am the worst at this. But you should really do it. And I am constantly trying to be better about it! Stretching is good for your muscles AND your mental focus.
Alright, get in the gym. Get your heart rate going and PUMP IT UP! And if you need some inspo, check out The Rock’s insta. Holy hell. My workouts are downright cute next to his. But hey, I still do it!
As I am sure you are aware, Kendall and I embarked on a health journey in April of this year. We included our husbands and dove head first into a very fad-diet called Keto. We didn’t agree with the typical Keto methods of gut-bombs, greasy bacon, and butter dense foods. Instead we opted for a more clean version of Keto called Mediterranean style Keto.
That is where we began. But the last five months have been a journey to say the least, we have learned so much about food, our bodies, and what we’ve been programmed to believe. I hope this post inspires you, educates you, and makes you want to take a stand for your own health. The shocking (but not really that shocking) reality is that we are set up in our culture and society to fail at taking initiative for our own health. Processed foods line our grocery aisles, we stop at drive thru restaurants to be more efficient as we go about our day, we don’t prioritize our health, we are trained to have our health be an afterthought, and we believe that if we accomplish some great weight loss that it is something we are expected to effortlessly maintain. As someone who has been anti-diet and enjoys good food, I have played into those cultural norms for too long and my health has suffered as a result.
This summer hasn’t been easy on our clean Keto journeys. Kendall had a revolving door of guests in her home and I (Shari) have been away from my home the majority of the past two months traveling for work and with family. Look- we aren’t complaining… the reality is that having back-to-back guests and trips is hard to juggle while also trying to take ownership of your own health and health goals, whatever they may be. Kendall and I both agreed that we would go easy on ourselves but not lose sight of our health in the process. We both have indulged, enjoyed, and discovered new food in the past five months. But mostly we have kept our communication open and have ended up breaking down a few myths that we have been trained to believe.
What we’ve learned:
There have been quite a few myths that we’ve had to de-bunk for ourselves and anyone asking us about “Keto”. Keto isn’t just for weight loss. However, switching over to fat-burning does make the fat and bloat come off. Speaking of fat, a lot of people say that you have to eat butter and bacon when on Keto but that isn’t the fat that is helpful for fueling your body. We recommend fat from avocados, wild-caught fish, grass-fed organic meat, pasture-raised organic eggs, raw aged cheeses, nuts and seeds, nut butters, grass-fed butter/ghee, olives, coconuts, dark chocolate, and healthy oils. You don’t have to be scared of fats like our low-fat culture has tried to project on us. Instead use those fats to fuel your brain and body. THEN guess what? BONUS! They keep you fuller longer. This is another great side effect that leads me into my next point.
When you eat organic proteins, veggies, and good fat you end up getting full quickly. You no longer have to “finish everything on your plate” because you most likely won’t be able to. I repeat, your body will feel full. I used to give my leftovers to my husband but even he says, “No I am full, I can’t even finish my own.” Despite what we have been taught, we CAN have leftovers and moderation is key to optimal health.
One of my favorite side effects of going Keto was the end of my sugar cravings! Yes, the END OF SUGAR CRAVINGS (yelling it for the people in the back). I no longer look at ice cream and want, no, NEED it. I’ve regained the power to say NO to sweets because I quite simply don’t want them or crave them. I pay close attention to how food makes me feel. Recently I was at my parents and my mom made a blueberry peach pie with homemade ice cream. You better believe I had a slice and a scoop. I didn’t crave it or need it, but I chose to indulge in it and it tasted lovely. I didn’t overeat and I felt fine afterwards but I really paid attention to my body and how it was feeling. There are simply some things I can’t eat, like beans. I will instantly feel bloated but Kendall can eat beans with no issues. Ultimately, be aware of your body and how you react to food. The goal should be to fuel and nourish your body, not treat it like a garbage can.
Lastly, I have learned a lot about what it means to be in Ketosis. At the beginning of Keto, I was in ketosis which means I kept my carbs extremely low so that my body would burn through its glucose storage and switch over to burning fat. However, I eventually phased out of ketosis because I incorporated more carbs here or there and my glucose storage was higher. I don’t test to see if I am in Ketosis anymore. I pay attention to how I feel based on the food that I am eating and focus on keeping my sugar and carbs “low”. It isn’t a perfect science and I believe we naturally cycle in and out of ketosis if we are eating what is in season like our ancestors did before us. Read Keto Diet by Dr. Josh Axe to learn more about Ketosis and why it isn’t necessary to be in all the time.
Shari’s progress photos:
A friend told me a few days into Keto that I should take a photo to help me track my progress visually. I wasn’t a huge before and after person but for my own records I agreed that it might be nice to have some progress images. I am so thankful I took her advice and took pictures whenever I thought about it. I could see the bloat decreasing, I could see my body firming, and my clothes loosening. I don’t share these progress photos to amaze you or make you feel inferior. I share them to encourage you to seek non-scale accomplishments. Please note: Kendall didn’t take photos but has seen a significant change in her body both on the scale, her measurements, and in toning up (thanks in part to her also working out about 5 days a week). In all the photos I am wearing the same workout tank top and leggings (from left to right April 2021, June 2021, July 2021, September 2021).
Shari’s progress photos from April to September 2021.
Next steps:
As we deviate away from “Keto”, Kendall and I both are invested in our own health, staying consistent with less sugar and carbs, eating whole nourishing foods, and finding more clean ingredients. Personally, I am going to start trying to cut our seed oils because *news flash* they aren’t good for us! I’m also finding ways to increase my protein levels because I just found out how much protein I should be eating to support my lean body mass. Each of us are different in that area. I’m also learning what I have intolerances to, getting my blood work done, and going against the societal norm to prioritize my body and my health because…
No one is going to put your health first but YOU!
We hope you have enjoyed our update. Although this post was written by Shari it was edited by Kendall, just like this entire blog it is the best of both of us. We would love to chat, feel free to find us on Instagram @thesaltyexchange or email us thesaltyexchange@gmail.com.
This isn’t a super new topic for me to write about. In fact, I have blogged many times about the challenges of being a parent, my own person, and a good partner. Today, I am taking one angle of that and diving in.
Being a parent is hard, y’all. Being the parent of a toddler is incredibly bittersweet. I love seeing her grow and change and yadayadayada. Sometimes.It. Sucks. Rosemary has started doing this thing where she makes up absurd stories about what’s going on. Some of them are delightful and fun. Others are downright scary. Until she can better understand HOW to use words, we are keeping her back from preschool programs because I think she would be a terrible student to have around. Teachers are supposed to teach and encourage, yes, BUT, it’s also my job as the parent to try and make sure she has the basics of kindness, sharing, language and empathy down. And right now, her world consists of me, her auntie, her lovely Thea, her Cici, or her daddy “striking her.” Or if she is telling the story in the past-tense, it’s “struck.” Okay, do I have your attention? Great. What I have learned that she actually means is that she is inserting us into the world of Frozen. Where Elsa “struck” Anna… with her power. “Mama struck me and then I ran away. And it really hurt.” OR there’s this one… “Daddy and Chris hurt me.” What she means is Daddy and Chris hurt her ears while they were practicing their guitars in the living room. But if you don’t know this or have time to decode Rosemary talk, you would think, “WTF.” I mean, I live in it and I am constantly wondering how she is picking all of this up. Like, seriously, WTF? I can’t send her to daycare. Because if she came home saying any of that about the teachers or other students, I would live in a perpetual state of wondering if she is safe. We need to work on a few things first so that I can trust her to be a good student, friend, and reliable source of information.
Another crazy toddler thing? The clumsiness. I am fairly certain she is going to break an arm or leg at some point. She is so adventurous. Sometimes, that’s incredibly fun. Sometimes, it’s just terrifying. I was that mom who refused to go to the park during COVID. I was too scared of kid germs. But as we have moved on and better understand the virus (and I live in the safest state in the USA) I have resolved myself to stop worrying and live our lives. So, we go to the park now. The girl can climb a ladder and ride down crazy slides with grace and beauty but will literally bruise herself all up on the mother’s helper stool in my kitchen trying to do acrobatic tricks. When I first noticed bruise spots on her arms, I automatically assumed I was the problem- after all, those are the ones that people get nervous about when they see them on a kiddo. Maybe when I picked her up I was too rough? Maybe I hug her too tight? Maybe I don’t know my own strength? I freaked myself out and went down a dark hole of self-loathing. What I have since realized is that my kid is brave, silly, and outgoing. She bruises herself. I don’t bruise her. The fact that I even thought I was holding her too tight is freaking absurd. While I am strong, you have to actually try to bruise- and I am not like that. But I still feel a little shy and embarrassed around other parents because we all judge the crap out of each other. But trust me, in my quest to figure out her bruising I can tell you how she got every single one- including the random one on the back of her hip (thank you booster seat at the dinner table). Seriously though, there was a week where I hated myself and thought I was a terrible mom because I couldn’t stop her from hurting herself or slowing down. Now, I am not a great mom-but I am trying to be. Do I think I will get there? Probably not. I am not patient enough to be great and there is always a next hurdle that I know will trip me up. But I am loving, gentle, funny, and encouraging of her. And that’s enough for today.
My identity as a mom has been really challenged in the past six months. Today, I was discussing with my husband how our parenting has changed and the ways it needs to continue to change. We are no longer parents of a baby who sleeps 10 hours a day and is content in her toy area for hours. We are the parents of an active and super smart toddler. I have got to continue to adjust how I parent so that I am giving her great experiences and great boundaries. That shit is hard. It’s also been liberating for me. I mean, I knew I was a mom the day I found out I was pregnant. But there was always this fight within me about measuring up, being perfect, and being seen as enough of a decent person to be a mom. I have gotten her this far- I am a mom; I am her mom. I don’t need anyone to tell me I am doing a good job. I don’t need for people to see me as a “good mom” because I just really don’t care what people think; it’s too time consuming and takes away from me actually being present with my kid. I do not need anything from anyone except my family. I don’t need someone to judge me for the crazy things she says. I mean, she spent like 2 hours with a babysitter on Sunday and if I were to believe anything she said, I would have called the police! Judgement can go both ways there… haha. But seriously, don’t worry, my sitter is the best EVER.
To conclude: parenting is hard. Give yourself some grace. Send some my way. And if you have any tips on teaching toddlers how to properly use words- email me at thesaltyexchange@gmail.com. Seriously. Help.
It’s that time of year to kiss the summer sunsets, travel, and warmth goodbye. Thank goodness for Fall and the beauty of the fresh, crisp, and colorful season that helps with the conclusion of the summer months. We have so many things we need to think about during this transition period between seasons; which isn’t limited to just house prep but also mental preparation too! We are starting to welcome the holidays and it really is such a special time of the year.
Home. After a quick search online I found a ton of helpful lists for what to take into consideration when preparing your home for the autumn chill. Here is a great list that includes taking out A/C units, winterizing your garden, putting away your outdoor furniture, and so much more. I am not a homeowner but I do have several responsibilities as a tenant that I need to take care of around our complex, including the tasks I just listed. Lastly, just like spring cleaning, I believe fall cleaning around the home is equally as necessary.
Gear. This applies mainly to our camping and backpacking items on our gear wall. This time of year I winterize all the summer camping items and I carefully take them off the gearwall to get them organized into a tote that is easily labeled for locating it again next spring. In the winter we typically only snowshoe and stay in local state park cabins. So I tend to thin out our gear wall in the winter and pack away a lot of our backpacking and hiking stuff. I leave out all the first aid kits, snowshoes, trekking poles, gators, camping stove, gloves, hats, ropes, mugs, blankets, seat pads, and backpacks… along with countless other items that we like to bring with us when we go to our favorite cabins in the winter.
Clothing. It is time to swap out those summer clothes for your warmer layers! As a born and raised Washingtonian, I really value clothing that can transition between seasons. I have a lot of t-shirts and tank tops that I wear in the summer but that also transition well under sweaters in the winter. Which means when I put away my “summer clothing” my tote is actually quite small. I usually keep it towards the front of the storage unit in case we go on any tropical vacations during the fall/winter months too *wishful thinking*.
Cozy. This is where the mental preparation comes into play and is key to helping you transition between the summer and fall months. Think “cozy” and warm thoughts when you swap out the above items. Whether that is setting out some candles, a basket full of blankets next to the couch, or organizing your calendar to prepare for upcoming seasonal events that you don’t want to miss. Mentally it is good to give yourself time to think about what this next season is going to look like and how you want it to feel. So go on and close your eyes, let yourself get wrapped up in the smell of orange cloves and apple spices, feel the fresh crisp air, see the leaves changing colors and falling to the ground… prepare your heart and mind for change.
Ultimately, I hope that taking a look at the home, your gear, your clothing, and thinking cozy thoughts helps you prepare for all that autumn will bring. Fall is my favorite season and I welcome it with open arms but it isn’t lost on me that we really do have to prepare for the major change between hot and warm to chilly and cold.
Cheers to embracing the tasks that come with Autumn preparations and may your next season be happy, healthy, and full of coziness!
I really miss you. I miss your laugh, your stories, and your shrimp pasta salad. I even miss your grumpiness. This Saturday, September 4th, would be your 66th birthday. I feel like this is beyond cruel since you never got to your sixth decade of life. You are forever frozen at 59. I guess some people spend their lives trying to stay at one age but not you. You didn’t seem to mind aging. The greys on your head are still one of my most favorite things about you.
I don’t know what you would think of this year. In my head, I can hear you telling people to grow up and get it together. If you felt that way at the last birthday you ever got to celebrate here on Earth, then I just know you are looking down and rolling your eyes at humanity. Your threshold for BS was always pretty low. I sort of loved that… granted, not when it was directed towards me.
Most nights, I show Rosemary a picture of you on my phone. She loves it. She loves to say, “Hi, Grandma Rosemary.” Then she insists I say, “She lives in Heaven.” From there she has created this little story about you getting into the pool with her but taking off your glasses before jumping in. Then to finish, she kisses my screen to give you a kiss. Considering how much you didn’t really care for swimming, I find this narrative highly amusing. And, my heart always aches a bit after this small exchange. This summer, Rosemary got to see all of her living grandparents- but not you. This summer, we got to spend a ton of time with family- but not you. You never got to meet your granddaughter. Considering how many gifts you shopped for throughout your whole life, not being able to shop, give, and enjoy a gift for your only granddaughter makes me, well, sad. Gifts were your thing. And you were so good at it. Why couldn’t I inherit gift giving from you?
You were never one to give much of what you were feeling away or get overly sentimental. You and dad were very much the same that way. So how I got to be the emotional person I am is still a bit of a mystery. But regardless, I am a sentimental gal. With that said, on Saturday night, I will make Issy watch “Singing in the Rain” with me. We will drink champagne and laugh at the ridiculousness of Lina Lamont together and in my head, I will hear your laugh. God, you laughed at that movie. I think cackled hysterically is actually the more appropriate term.
Anyways, I miss you. And there is nothing more eloquent to say. Happy Birthday, mama.
“The best view comes after the hardest climb.” – author unknown
This quote has been on my Facebook page for years… maybe even a decade! I have resonated with this saying since before I was really into hiking or going any sort of distance. It initially hit me that life and experiences take effort, they take time, however, there is always something to look forward to. The view to me could have meant getting a promotion and working hard to get there. It could have related to how I felt about relationships and how difficult or hard conversations (which I used to avoid) actually make your relationship stronger. Whatever it meant to me back then was important and essential and to this day, I have clung to it and adapted it to who I am. Who knew a random quote (that I probably saw on Pinterest- ha!) would lead me down a path of purpose and peace.
Now, a decade later, this saying has morphed into my love of hiking and pressing onward despite how challenging the present moment can be. When I hiked 26 miles through the Enchantments (a coveted hike in Washington) I remember thinking of this quote as I was climbing straight up a loose rock path over Asgard Pass. I knew what was over the top of this rocky and difficult pass was going to be worth the effort, sweat, and pain of carrying my 40+ pound pack on my back. Let me tell you, it was magical and I was truly in awe that this particular vista awaited me over a tough and formidable climb! It was more than I could have imagined and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
All that to say, no matter how difficult something in your life might be… remember that the best outcome can follow. So keep pressing forward. Keep going. Stay strong, determined and consistent. You will be better for it. I know I sure am.
There are a series of life questions that people ALWAYS ask (myself included). It starts when we are three years old and a teacher or loved one asks, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Is it because it’s cute? Is it because our answer is indicative of who we may become? Either way, it begins this trend of pressuring us to always have a good answer on hand. Then, when you are older and have had a job, people are constantly asking you about your growth and opportunity within that… like, when did our jobs become our whole life?
And then- the love and kids question! People begin asking you about your dating life. If you want to get married, or when you are going to get married become the Christmas dinner topic of conversation. From there, it’s on to the kid question. Excuse me while I lock myself in a bathroom somewhere and sneak out. Oh- but wait! Then you get married and have a kid and people want to know about the second or third kid. At least now, you can just gulp down a glass of wine and smile.
Look, I get it. We ask each other these questions. I am SO guilty of it myself. I do try to not ask because I have realized that these questions are often filler questions and not intentional questions. Instead of asking a three year old what their favorite snack is these days, it’s more acceptable to wonder what their ambition is like. As if they really get that. But, ok. It’s easier to ask when your BFF is going to get married than to ask the question as to what their current life goals are.
Ok- let’s get real. Truth or dare? If you answered, “Truth,” then pay close attention. Why are these the questions you go to? If you answered, “Dare,” then please do the following: next time you are chatting with someone please ask a less obvious and filler filled question. Go deeper.
I contemplated not sharing this story because it is so new and extremely personal. The irony of that sentence is that it goes against all the reasons we started The Salty Exchange. We started this blog to get personal, to be vulnerable, and to share stories in order to relate and connect with anyone who follows along. So here it goes… after 60 years apart, my mom reunited with her half brothers Joe and Eric in June (this year) and I met my uncles for the first time a few weeks ago.
It is a tragic and confusing story as to why Joe and Eric were sent into foster care. A story that doesn’t reflect well on my grandma (no matter which way you try to explain it) but we suspect it was the fact that she had a mixed and blended family which was a bit unprecedented at the time. Regardless, they were just little kids; my mom was 6 years old, Joe was 4, and Eric was only 2. My mom fiercely loved her brothers and one day while she was at school (or so her mother thought), the state workers came and picked up her brothers. They coaxed Joe away with the promise of food. My mom knew something was happening that day and skipped school to hide in the bushes, she cried watching her brothers get taken.
I will spare you from the details of what life was like for my mom. She had a rough childhood and there was never a moment when she didn’t think about her sweet little brothers. My grandma told her she was never allowed to talk about Joe and Eric. I know… too much to demand of a 6 year old but my mom was scared just enough to obey. My mom had two older half brothers and besides Joe and Eric she had another two younger half brothers. Six brothers in total.
Growing up my mom never kept secrets from us, I knew my entire life that I had six uncles (not four) and that Joe and Eric were out there somewhere. Their names would make it into my nightly prayers and I dreamed of meeting them someday. In 2019, my grandma passed away and a few months later I asked my mom if she was going to start the search for her brothers. She said she didn’t know where to begin and honestly thought maybe they didn’t want to be found.
Fast forward to this Spring 2021… My aunt was calling old adoption agencies and around the same time my mom saw an ad on Facebook called People Whiz. My mom typed in her brother’s birth name and birth date (yes, that is how much they meant to her that after 60 years she still remembered these details). Sure enough Joe’s name popped up and connected to it was Eric’s name and details. My mom quickly realized that they still lived in the same state, they still had their birth names, and Eric had kids. My aunt and mom joined forces and the plan to contact them began.
They eventually found out that my uncles are ‘mountain men’ who have little to no service at their property. My aunt made contact with Eric’s daughter and although she was skeptical (who wouldn’t be) she realized that this contact was from a legitimate family member and the process of reuniting these siblings began. Thankfully Joe and Eric were receptive and excited when Eric’s daughter told them the news. Apparently Joe had tried and failed to find their family previously (which makes sense because my mom’s name changed when my grandma re-married). Before their reunion in June of this year I was talking to my mom and I asked her how she was feeling about everything. With tears in her eyes she said she felt really excited and a little nervous.
I’d like to take a moment to note that I’ve really struggled with my mom’s life story. I can’t quite fathom how her childhood could have been so awful yet she is the most beautiful person inside and out that I’ve ever met. It makes me angry when people dismiss her. My mom has a quiet but sincere presence and is the least demanding person I know. I pay close attention to how my family and friends interact with her and treat her. These days I can clearly see how my mom broke the cycle of abuse and neglect by raising us the opposite of what she experienced; she was and still is the absolute best mom. My brothers and I consider ourselves extremely blessed.
Needless to say, the reunion in June went well. When Joe first saw my mom he said that he remembered seeing her in the bushes crying all those years ago when he and Eric were taken from their home. My mom nodded, cried, and hugged him. Their first embrace in 60 years. Eric confirmed he didn’t remember much other than what he had heard from his brother. My mom told Joe how he got the scar on his face, she shared stories of their childhood… all the stories she had held onto for these years and her brother’s learned more about their past. The reunion was beautiful. My cousin’s husband filmed it all and I can’t watch it without crying and feeling all the emotions.
Now several months later (mid-August), it was my turn to meet my uncles and cousins. I couldn’t believe how sweet and funny my uncles were. Eric, his son, and his daughter came to visit and I could hardly wait to hug him and my cousins and meet their families. The following day my Uncle Joe rode up on his motorcycle and he looked equally shocked and happy when I popped out of the car and said “I’m your niece!” Both Joe and Eric made jokes about ‘betcha never knew we existed’ but it’s quite the contrary… I did know they existed and I had thought about them so much growing up. I am overjoyed that I finally have been able to hug them, laugh with them, talk to them, and learn about them and their lives. I also feel the same with my cousins! Eric’s daughter has a striking resemblance to our grandmother (all her best features) and she has such a positive personality, you can’t help but want to be around her. My other cousin is hilarious, he is easy going like his dad and adds the perfect amount of sarcasm to the conversation. I can’t wait to keep learning more about them and spending time with them.
Families are complex and I know many reunion stories that hold so much resentment and anger. I am grateful for a family that can look past the tragedies of the past and come out stronger and full of joy and appreciation for the present moments. We don’t understand why things happen the way they do but I sure am amazed with how everything works out. That is my story of our reunion… my mom’s sweet brother’s, my uncles, my cousins, our family.
This week, we are keeping it simple. The truth is, we love cooking. The truth also is that sometimes cooking is just a pain in the butt- especially midweek. SO- here are some of our favorite recipes courtesy of Natalie of Tastes Lovely. She is all about clean eating and making that clean eating fun for everyone that you are trying to get dinner on the table for (friends, kiddos, partners, etc). With Shari currently off on family vacation and me (Kendall) in the thick of a toddler screaming for more Trader Joe’s Honey Oh’s (because YES she knows the difference between Honey Nut Cheerios and the TJ’s version), we need some simplistic and clean options to save time. Without further ado, here are some favorite tried and trued recipes from the lovely Natalie. Make sure to check out Tastes Lovely for more recipes and inspo!
Ok- we know, you are probably thinking, “Dairy free? Yeah right…”. BUT you would be remiss to ignore this recipe. It is super good, healthy, and easy to make. You can throw it on top of nachos, burrito bowls, veggies, etc. The sky is the limit. Make a large batch to keep on hand for the week. You will not regret it.
Look, don’t be scared off by the word “keto.” Take a chill pill- keto stuff is actually pretty delicious. Just ask my husband. Anyways, if you want pasta but you don’t want the bloat and all the extra carbs that make the morning after harder, look no further. It’s easy, it’s delicious, and it feels… nourishing to eat. That’s a trifecta of things if you ask me.
Look, friends… I (Kendall) am just a Hispanic girl who loves her Mexican, Tex-Mex, and Latino foods. Living in Vermont, I don’t really get many options so whatever I am craving, I gotta make. I am telling you- this is so freaking good. I spice it up with, literally, extra spices and it’s perfect. I also am not gassy or bloated after… I call this a win. It’s great to make a large batch of these and keep them in the fridge for the week.
Shari and I love soup. Like, love soup. Soup is the hallmark of the fall and winter seasons. Soup makes us feel warm inside. Soup gives us satisfaction. SO, here is one of our favorite recipes from Natalie. It kicks The Olive Garden’s version of this soup in the booty. Keep this one on deck for late September.
Hey friends! We have been MIA for about a month. Shari and I were both super busy and needed some time to really focus on people, events, and ourselves. We are happy to be back! Our month away has shown us A LOT about where we are in this whole pandemic. With that said, read on for our thoughts, experiences, and questions.
COVID Updates from Kendall:
We’ve had mixed feelings about this topic. I mean, what is there to really say? Shari and I birthed The Salty Exchange during the height of the COVID lockdown. We spent hours talking about when things would get back to “normal.” Over the past 18 months we’ve seen our friends and family members all express their opinions, hopes, and fears to varying degrees. We’ve all worn masks, missed each other, dried our hands out because of hand sanitizer and hand washing, and we’ve all wondered what was next. It’s been an interesting time…
As a current resident of Vermont (and undoubtedly the safest place to be in during this pandemic), we’ve had our fair share of worries and woes. We’ve missed our families (TX and WA). There’s been cuts to our paycheck (thankfully that’s remedied now). Our proficiency with Zoom, FaceTime, and WhatsApp video chats has matured. In recent months, things have begun to open up more. With the vaccine available to the masses and a hopeful vaccination rate on the rise, there was a small sliver of time this year where it felt… familiar.
It was during this sliver of time (May-July) that my husband and I were lucky enough to see our immediate family members. We had a steady stream of guests for about 2 months straight. While this was a lot of work on my end as the hostess, I wouldn’t trade it for a minute. It had been two years since seeing my husband’s family. That’s far too long to go without seeing the people you love. As these reunions were taking place, Vermont was also lucky enough to hit our 80% vaccination goal. Life was starting to happen. Literally. I saw life coming back to the streets of my small state.
I still see that life. I still see that hope. My husband and I have done our part. We have vaccinated ourselves and anxiously await the day we can get Rosemary vaccinated. I don’t know when it went from “we are all in this together” to making the vaccine political. I get that there is a strong group of people who don’t like vaccines. I getcha- I may think differently than you, but that’s totally fine! I care enough about you to vaccinate myself to protect you. Even with all of these new variants like Delta and Lamda (WTF- Lamda sounds scary), I have hope. But every day I feel that hope slipping a bit. The anger of being asked to wear a mask seems pretty extreme and just too much for some. Why is it too much? I am genuinely asking. Is a mask really an infringement on your rights as an American? Because I just don’t see it but I am open to hearing your reasons why. Seriously. Let’s talk.
I often feel triggered by the news. The numbers of those dying are too high. The number of people not trusting science is too high. For me, I have yet to see anyone die from the virus. I know of people who have passed on because of it or are currently sick. Truthfully, it’s hard to process. We should care more about this stuff; specifically, we should care more about the prevention of diseases and viruses than we do.To not take the threat of this pandemic seriously means you are ok with the circumstances. It means you don’t really value what is right in front of you. You must be incredibly privileged to think you can beat it. It’s just the flu right? Well, surprise! People die of the flu. All the time. And it isn’t fair. It should be stopped. So when did trying to find a better cure or treatment plan become political? I have said it before and I will scream it again: I saw my mom die of the flu. And it was pretty much the same way people are dying of COVID. I can hardly think of that time without a pit in my stomach. I wasn’t even supposed to touch her because they were worried about us picking up her virus. But I still snuck in a last kiss. That’s the most basic and human thing I have ever done. I couldn’t let her go without hoping she felt it. Even if it meant I could get sick. So, for her, I vaccinate. And I ask that in her honor, you do too.
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Even if it turns out this is all a hoax, don’t you want to know that you did all you could to protect your family? Your friends? Your life? Don’t you want to know that you cared enough to do something?
COVID Updates from Shari:
When Kendall and I decided to write a Covid Update in August, I thought I’d have so much insight after just helping pull off the first in-person conference for my company since March of 2020. But to be honest, I don’t have much more insight. This is still a confusing time in life as we enter into what is undoubtedly another slough of restrictions and social navigation amongst family and friends.
Immediately before we left for San Diego, the CDC issued new guidelines for wearing masks indoors (including those that are vaccinated). My company informed us that all the employees would be abiding by this new information; so I promptly washed all my masks and packed them in my suitcase. Our event made national news as the first conference held at the San Diego Convention Center in 18 months. The event went as smoothly as it could with a significant drop in attendance (we missed our International attendees) but the smiles on faces, the side conversations that felt naturally unnatural, and the slightly awkward networking that proved how out of practice we are… was worth the distance, safety, and vaccination to be together again knowing we had done our part in it all. As a result, our event was outbreak free and we are so thankful everyone had a good time.
Now that I am back home and have a few moments to reflect on the past week in San Diego, and simultaneously take in the emerging news, I am torn. I just witnessed the connection and embrace of humanity in-person again. The reality that we are going backwards with variants and the spread of Covid again is a bit much to accept. I see meme’s from both sides of the coin and honestly… it feels like we are entering into an interpersonal civil war rather than one against the real enemy that is the virus. As a nation we are not a team. We are kids bickering going from one conspiracy theory to the next. Social media is our battlefield and it is obnoxious to say the least. Maybe it is my personality that causes me to be appalled by conflict or maybe it is the fact that adults seem to enjoy playing the devil’s advocate and it’s extremely exhausting.
Whatever it is, I long for some good news. So here it is…
Today I am celebrating the fact that a good friend of mine is on the mend after fighting for her life last week due to Covid and pneumonia. I couldn’t imagine losing her (I am sure I will write more about this eventually) but in the meantime, let’s work together for goodness sake. It is a helpless feeling when your friends or family are sick and I don’t wish it on any of you.
Reading has always been a favorite of mine. I love getting lost in literature and can appreciate a fiction novel just as much as a non-fiction one. My book club took a little break and as a result, I have been making up for lost time with my favorite series. Here are a few of my favorite books and series!
This series is about a game warden in Wyoming but before you poo-poo the concept, don’t. CJ Box does an amazing job of painting the picture and keeping the reader entertained while also setting the scene for chaos to happen and the main character, Joe, to get caught in the middle.
A classic book that I probably love due to the sweetness of the read, the Scandinavian references, and the reminder to never judge a person because, truthfully, you never know their whole story.
In a world where we could use a little bit of bravery and courage… this book (as all of Brene Brown’s books) does an amazing job of guiding the reader on a path to self awareness. Brene gives real life examples to relate on a deeper level to the struggles we can overcome and new achievements we can make.
This series is taking words to the TV screen and is rumored to be BIGGER than Game of Thrones…! Apparently the cast will be an “all-star” one. I gotta read this before the race to binge the TV show starts!
I hope you enjoy my small but mighty list of recommendations. What are your favorite books to read?
From Kendall:
Reading is one of my favorite things in the world to do. As I have gotten older, I have had a harder time making the time to read so when I do get to sit down and get lost in the pages of a new story, it is heavenly!
This book is so important to me. My sister introduced me to this story while I was in high school. It has become the book I give everyone. The Mirabal sisters were REAL women fighting the reign of Trujillo in the Dominican Republic. Their bravery and courage are inspiring. When their deaths were carried out, Trujillo had no idea the impact it would have in their country and across the world. November 25th, 1960 marks the day of their brutal assisnation and has become the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.
Robert Galbraith (really J.K. Rowling) keeps you on your toes. Cormoran Strike and his partner Robin are gritty, determined, and creative detectives. Be ready to be thoroughly delighted.
To continue the mystery genre, we have Veronica Speedwell. These Victorian era books are so much fun and balance mystery and romance in a way that keeps you on your toes!
Margaret George is a phenomenal writer that merges history and fiction in a captivating manner. Her storylines are rooted in accuracy while the finer details are the stuff docudramas are made of.
I am a sucker for poetry. In fifth grade I wanted to be a famous poet. That never happened. Haha. BUT, I love reading poetry. My dearest friend Kate sent me this volume of poetry and I have willed myself to read a bit every week. There is nothing better than making poetry last. Especially good poetry.
OK, before anyone jumps up my butt about this- let’s clarify. Purity isn’t a bad thing. Purity is subjective and Valenti makes the argument that we use the idea of purity to control women, to limit their sense of accomplishment, and label them to keep them “in line” for fear of being “impure.” She talks about how we have chained a girl’s purity to her father with purity balls and rings. Purity is more than my lady parts. Purity is more than my sexual life. Purity is my heart, my intentions, my authenticity, and my own strength.
Ah, a classic. I love this book so much. It makes me feel adventurous. Frodo Baggins is a lot like me; a little grumpy, likes his meals, his wine, his books, short visits from friends, and routine. Take that all away from the little fellow? You have a hero in the making. Though if you take any of that away from me, I might bite your nose off.
When it comes to getting things for my kiddo, I am a hardcore researcher. Like, obnoxiously so. I like to have all of the available information organized for me to review before I make any purchase; at least for the big purchases like strollers, cribs, and other misc. kid things. My design and toy purchases are far more laid back and spontaneous. All kids are different and thus, all kids have different must-haves. The biggest rules my partner and I have when it comes to getting things for Rosemary are the need to consider if she really needs it and is it adding to her life? Now, that last part might sound like a little large of a question to be asking when it comes to a toddler, but it really has helped us to not buy things in excess. I like to be thoughtful when making toy and clothing purchases. With that being said, here are our toddler must-haves… for now.
This is sort of a kid classic. We were lucky enough to grab this from a neighbor who was cleaning out her sons’ toys. This has provided our little one with a lot of fun. She can do so many creative projects with this easel AND it will grow with her for quite a few years. In my opinion, it is a sound investment.
Teaching a kid to ride a bike is a hallmark of childhood. Not having to buy a new one with each new step of independence between the ages of 2-5 is even better. This trike is a joy to take on walks or run around with in the driveway.
Whether it is summer, winter, fall, or spring- these are AMAZING. They go with pretty much any top, are comfortable, wash well, and don’t stretch your wallet. Enough said.
Look, we live in Vermont. Weather here is no joke. Buying cheaper outerwear hasn’t worked out well for us. We learned almost instantly to invest in good quality jackets, pants, and base layers. We also learned to shop the sales because outerwear is super expensive. Columbia has great sales and is where we just purchased R’s base layers for winter and her fall rain jacket. We also LOVE LL Bean. Fair prices and good quality.
There are several. They are all awesome. They are not only BEAUTIFULLY illustrated but they also take music from some of the most prestigious composers and make them relatable… to a toddler. I mean, come on. Shout out to my sister, Marisa, for gifting these to R. Because of her, we have Swan Lake, Sleeping Beauty, and Four Seasons In One Day. Rosemary knows who Vivaldi and Tchaikovsky are. WHAT?
What better way to learn about the heroes of our time than telling their story in a relatable way to kiddos? Rosemary has learned all about Maya Angelou, Coco Chanel, Frida Kahlo, Audrey Hepburn, and Anne Frank. Confession: I can’t read the Anne Frank book to her without crying and holding her close. Thanks to Tia Dina and Fairy Godmother Kate, Rosemary has books and flashcards from them that teach her all about these fantastic people. Rosemary is currently OBSESSED with Audrey Hepburn.
Truth be told, I have never lived in a place over 1,300 square feet. In my twenties, I lived in an even smaller (500 sq ft) studio apartment and can confidently say that from childhood to adulthood, I have learned the art of getting creative with the space I have.
After my apartment flooded a few years ago (a blog post for another day), my husband and I were able to move back into a newly-renovated blank-slate of an apartment. We took it as an opportunity to utilize space differently and accommodate kids, sleeping situations, and even creative food organization. I learned a lot through that process and have several tips and tricks to share with you. Here are my top three:
Wall Space: When you don’t have much floor space it is helpful to utilize wall space. You can do this by mounting your TV, adding additional shelving, and creating a dedicated wall display for items that would normally be tucked away in totes. You can even get creative and make your normal toys and misc. items a part of your decor. For example, I’ve seen a kid’s room decorated with a pegboard wall which hung all their squirt guns! So fun and so smart. In our apartment we have our bikes hung on the wall in our bedroom. It works really well to get them out of the way and surprisingly I hardly notice them anymore. We also have a gear wall in the spare room, I won’t go into detail about it because you can read all about it here.
Hidden Storage: When I finally started collecting better furniture (meaning it wasn’t a hand-me-down) I bought new furniture with purpose, function, and multi-use. For example my couch has a chase and under the chase is a hidden storage area. I love having hidden storage and it all started when I was about five years old with the empty space under my bed. You know how much stuff you can cram under your bed when you are in a rush to clean up?! I should have received an award as a child. Typically cleaning my room meant pushing it all under the bed to sort through later. My parents eventually caught on so I moved my messes to the closet (which wasn’t much better). The closet and bed area are great places to store and organize extra items that aren’t used daily. As an adult, I now utilize these spaces to my advantage and tend to put items there that aren’t used daily.
Toss It: Yep you heard me correctly, if you are not using it, just get rid of it. Items quite literally take up space, collect dust, and clutter an already small living area. If you haven’t used it in the last 6-12 months… part ways with it. I have to tell this to myself often. To be really real with you, I hoard clothing. I had a few bad experiences where I regretted donating something and it has plagued me for the last decade. It’s extremely hard for me to part ways with items that “could come back into style” or that I could re-purpose. I have to take my own advice and just toss it when it hasn’t been used in a significant amount of time. Easier said than done, I know.
There you have it- my top three tips and tricks for saving space in your small living situation. Whether you are hanging it on the wall, hiding it strategically, or tossing it there are plenty of ways to maximize your home organization. Get creative! I’d love to hear if you have any other space saving ideas.
This has very much been a year of inspiration. I feel more certain of my path forward in life in terms of myself, my family, and my partnership. Getting this level of clarity takes a lot of work. Work to really look at myself, decide where I want to go, what my life needs, and how I can achieve all of that without sacrificing all of the other important parts of my life. It certainly hasn’t happened overnight. As someone who has spent most of their whole life finding reasons to downplay my inherent self, it’s taken years to reach this point. Here are the women who have been guiding lights to discovery, reflection, and, ultimately, awareness.
Samin is the famous author of the fantastic cookbook, “Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat.” This book (it’s also a Netflix series- GO WATCH IT NOW) has given me a greater appreciation for food. In turn, that’s turned into how I think about food. That has turned into how I feel about food. I don’t really hate food anymore. I appreciate the crap out of it. I appreciate how food can be simple; how cooking doesn’t need to involve a million different gadgets (but don’t get me wrong, I love me a Pampered Chef party). Samin’s passion for food is infectious. And life is too gosh darn short to not appreciate the way in which we nourish ourselves.
Jane Austen
Ms. Austen understands both the complexity and frivolity of falling in love. Sure, the days of her writing are filled with corsets, stolen glances, and epic sideburns- but the messages are still incredibly powerful and relevant. We all know an Elizabeth Bennett or Anne Elliott (my personal favorite). Well, Eleanor Dashwood may be my favorite- I can’t choose! But there are endearing and relatable things about these heroins that have stood the test of time. There are many books out there- and yet, we all know who Jane is. To be on a first name basis with most of the western world is an impressive feat.
Mr Darcy: A girl’s first love. As it should be.
Julie Andrews
She is the leading lady of my childhood. Her kindness wasn’t a gimmick for the stage but is actually renowned throughout Hollywood. Her eloquence, poise, timing, and feeling translate into every role she has ever had. Watching her in all the different stages of her life makes me feel like I grew up with her. She has been my babysitter, mother, and grandmother.
Julie Andrews in “Thoroughly Modern Millie” (1967)
Michelle Obama
When I started reading her book, “Becoming” I felt a little nervous. After all, I grew up in a completely different time and way than our former First Lady. Yet, the more I read, the more I kept saying, “YAS GIRL.” Her vulnerability showed me a whole different side of an already impressive and driven woman. When former President Obama decided to run for office, I love that she didn’t mince words. The girl had doubts. GOOD ones. I RELATED. No, Issy isn’t running for office, but the drive of my husband can sometimes be all encompassing. Her questions, concerns, struggles, and, yes, demands, were things I understood.
Yes. Just yes.
Jean Kilbourne
Advertising and women. My two passions. I loved studying the way that ads and media impact the socialization and treatment of women. And it does- as it should. That’s what people pay for. Ms. Kilbourne calls out a lot of the systemic BS of these things and the dangers of not having a critical eye. Further, she discusses and advocates for more positive and real depictions of women in the media. I think we can all agree that this is a GOOD thing from both a social perspective but ultimately, from a financial perspective as well.
Malala Yousafzai
The right to education is a basic human right. This would be a right she was targeted for and eventually shot for. Malala has been fierce, driven, and passionate about the access of education to women and children. It’s easy to forget this here in the US. While our school systems need some major love and a lot of work, the principle of it stands that it should be free regardless of your sex, gender, race, etc. We don’t think twice about it. She almost died for it. Take a moment and thank whoever or whatever you believe for that awesome right to learn.
There are many more women out there. And the reasons are all COMPLETELY different. From standing up for herself and her legacy (Hey, Taylor Swift) to telling your political party to knock it off and get back to business (Rep. Liz Chenney, and the Honorable RBG). Women who own their past, their families, and their futures (KKW, Britney Spears, Senator Duckworth and Iliza Shlesinger to name a few) to women who have created the most amazing art that has influenced my heritage and pop culture (Frida Kahlo) to women that make you think about the world and where it is going (Naomi Wolf, Billie Jean King) to women who make you laugh so freaking hard at the realness of what they are saying (Ali Wong and Amy Schumer), I have never identified with so many women from all different times, places, AND views. Opening myself up to different views is actually really hard. I like to be stuck in my ways and convinced I am right. The truth is, I am, like, never right. Ever. How much time have I wasted from not standing in someone else’s shoes? From really living out empathy? How much time have you wasted? Explore the world. Explore the people in it! There’s a lot to learn, to see, and to be.
Summer has officially hit the Pacific Northwest with a vengeance! As I write this, it is 84 degrees outside; which feels very unusual for the end of June in Washington! This weather is more like the end of July heat wave we are used to getting. I am not complaining though- I love that the heat is warming up the local lakes so we can go swimming soon! Speaking of swimming and summer, I have a few summer essentials that are perfect for going to the lake or the beach… you’re welcome in advance 🙂
Swimwear:
Hallelujah, a cute Romper Swimsuit from Target that looks classy and flattering on all body types. This is going to be a summer staple for me. I can wear it to a BBQ at the lake as my outfit and also jump in the water to swim if I want to. I was skeptical at first because rompers and I typically don’t go together well but I was pleasantly surprised at the fit and the cuteness factor! Speaking of the fit… they have extended sizing which is awesome and it comes in a variety of colors. I went for the classic black and it is amazing!
Footwear:
OluKai ‘Ohana Sandals are the best sandals since Superfeet stopped making their footwear. If you know me, you know I used to work for the insole company, Superfeet, and I am super picky about what goes on or under my feet. Superfeet stopped making their footwear in 2019 which means my favorite sandals were discontinued and I finally wore out my black pair completely and needed a new pair that was comparable… insert OluKai ‘Ohana Sandals which are comfortable, similar looking, and the perfect summer sandal. I bought mine at a physical REI store so that I could try them on and I can confidently say they run true to size.
Summer Accessories:
I linked my exact Hydroflask water bottle which is currently (June 2021) discounted at Dick’s Sporting Goods. I grabbed the Hibiscus color and my husband got the Spearmint. We brought these Hydroflasks to San Diego with us last month and they were slim enough to take everywhere and they were the perfect size. I am not exaggerating when I say I have EVERY size water bottle you can think of so the fact that I like this water bottle so much means it is worth taking into consideration (and running to go buy yourself one).
This Roll-up Travel Hat which is technically called a “large brim visor”. This hat is perfect to throw in your beach bag and take with you anywhere. I bought mine in Palm Springs last year and found almost the exact same one on the San Diego Hat Company’s website. Trust me this is a summer must-have quite simply for protecting your face from the sun and the ease of traveling with it! I have used it so many times and I love that I can throw my hair up into a bun and keep it off my neck on hot summer days.
There you go! These are just a few of my summer must-haves! Quite literally from head to toe this is what you will see me wearing on repeat Summer 2021. Let me know below if you end up trying any of the above items. Happy Solstice, my friends!
When we first decided to have a baby, I know you trusted me to be more certain. I know that during our first appointment at 6 weeks, the Tricare preferred doctor left us in tears and scared that something was wrong with our baby. It was you that found a better doctor and clinic (Tricare be damned) and made sure everything worked out. You spent endless hours during our pregnancy translating almost every medical appointment so that I wouldn’t be scared or frustrated. I know that it was hard for you to understand me as I struggled with a heavy depression during my pregnancy. You felt helpless but I didn’t see it. All I saw was the same stable and able partner that I had married.
When I went into labor, you held it together. You were my rock. You held my head during an unexpected c-section and brought Rosemary to my chest as soon as she was out. That night, you sweat (literally) during her first diaper change. You helped me change my postpartum diapers (because I couldn’t move) without complaint. You took Rosemary’s first set of dirty clothes home for Bella to sniff so that she could be prepared to welcome her baby sister. You joke that Bella is in our family because she was part of the package deal with me. That may be true- but you snuggle her every night and whisper sweet nothings into her ear. She is just as much your daughter as Rosemary.
To say that Rosemary loves you is simply not enough. Whenever you have to shut the door to do school, go to work, or just take a minute, she misses you. You are her everything. Seeing you completes her day. You’ve taught her to slide, dance, sing, and say, “Hola! Como esta? Bien bien.” You, Israel, are so loved by your daughter.
Rosemary won the lotto with you. You worry over every bump, cry, and mood change. Because of you, Rosemary will be strong. Because of you she will know what opportunity is and she will understand the complexity of life. Every day, I wonder what the hell I did to deserve you. As honored as I am to call you my husband, I am more honored to call you the father of my daughter.
When I think of you there are so many memories that come to mind. I remember how I felt as a child when you would come home. I could hardly wait for you to walk through the door… like a little puppy I wanted to be the first to greet you and tell you how much I missed you. My heart still swells when I see you and hug you. You have such a special place in my life.
Like most kids, I am sure my teenage years were tough but you took it in stride, coaching my rec-league soccer team, attending every sporting event, and every orchestra concert (both at school and at home)! You were always there and always consistent; a strong support in my life that I didn’t take for granted. I appreciated seeing you in the crowd and knowing that you would cheer me on- win or lose. I knew that regardless of what happened we would go home and eat dinner around the table and laugh about something that happened that day. You, dad, were always a highlight to my day.
When I was born mom said you cried tears of joy because you KNEW I was going to be a girl. You picked out my name because you wanted it to be special. You named me after all your sisters. I know how much you wanted a girl and how deeply loved I was before I even took my first breath. As your only daughter and the baby of the family, I know I mean the world to you. Thank you for making sure I always knew and felt your love. I still remember hearing you brag to other parents, “Yeah the blonde one, Shari, she is my daughter” and the pride that would shine across your face. I hope I always make you feel that way.
Thank you for teaching me how to agate hunt and enjoy kayaking out on the bay. Thank you for the copious amounts of dahlia bouquets in the summer (you have the greenest thumb). Thank you for always having the newest and nicest camera and insisting on taking photos. I love that we have a lifetime of documented memories. I’m so happy that you are enjoying your retirement with mom. You deserve it after all those years of hard work. I can’t wait to plan our next family vacation and make more memories together. I love you and am so honored to have you as my dad.
If you know me, you know I am a bit OCD. I thrive on a schedule, general organization, cleanliness, social interactions, and prep of any kind. When I don’t have control of those things, I lose it. I become irritable, stressed, and in some moments, I can even shake involuntarily. There is a big part of me that is deeply ashamed and embarrassed by this. What in the h-e-double hockey sticks is wrong with me? In short? Nothing. This is just how I am wired. I recognize the strengths in these “quirks” and also totally see the craziness of having an anxiety attack because there are crumbs on the floor.
I realize that my life cannot be lived by a rigid schedule so I do allow for plenty of wiggle room. Basically, my days have an organized skeleton schedule that guides that randomness. This gives us a chance to live life and still stay on track for the things that need to get done. There are times though when all my planning, organizing, and focus go by the wayside. Vacations, visiting guests, holidays, and major life changes tend to disrupt the orderliness of our lives. To be clear: THIS IS NOT A BAD THING. BUT, this is where I have to make sure to check in with myself and make sure I am mentally prepared for changes. To some, this may sound silly. I get it. It just is what it is for me.
Having a routine keeps me balanced. When I am balanced, I am rational, calm, happy, and focused. These are essential things for my well-being as well as my husband’s sanity! When I feel disruption coming, we are able to plan for it and make me feel prepared to deal with randomness. This is also where my obsessive need for boundaries comes into play. Boundaries have a negative connotation for a lot of people. For me, boundaries help me sort through interactions with people and things in a way that doesn’t overwhelm me. Once internalized and analyzed, I can be more adaptable to most situations. Control freak? Maybe. Too sensitive? Most definitely; hence the need for boundaries. But this is who I am. And if critical thinking, caution, and reflection make me feel better about disruption, leaps, and having unplanned fun, let me be me.
My husband is the EXACT opposite of me. He loves randomness. He loves spontaneity. I love these things about him… most of the time! Together, our extremes have molded a pretty happy life. I accept that he needs an element of surprise to keep life exciting and he acknowledges that planning ahead has actually made life better. While I still hate surprises when it comes to anything solely for me, I have learned to love the surprise moments for us as a family. Now, I am off to live my carefully crafted Friday. There are some changes to the schedule- and I am totally ok with it.
The Salty Exchange 