Marrying my husband after six and a half months was the best decision of my entire life.
Before I dive into my marriage though, let me say this: not everyone should get married that quickly. Ok, that’s out of the way…
Issy and I got married at the courthouse and then only days later, moved to a whole new country. Talk about change; we have endured it in spades. Committing to Israel was one of the most sacred and intimate things I have ever done. The commitment that we have made to each other both spiritually and legally is the binding of our book that houses our story. Investing in him changed my life (for the better). It allowed me to grow my own family. Being with my husband has made me more open to change. Last month (April) marked our 7 year anniversary. I have absolutely no 7 year itch. Our love for each other is deeper than it was in 2016. Our life is more beautiful than ever. We know each other better and we prioritize each other and our children over anyone and anything else. Our binding to each other isn’t a prison but is actually the most freeing part of my life.
Not every moment has been cake. We have faced our struggles in so many different areas of our life. We cope with things differently. Issy is the “talk it out” one while I am the “leave me alone to digest” one. We have conflict. We have scary life moments. We have days where it’s hard to communicate because we are just so caught up in everything. But we always come back together because we are each other’s peace. Together, we are stronger. Together, we figure it out. Being his wife makes me happy. It’s not the only role I have but it is one of my most valuable. To love someone in all the good, bad, ugly, raw, and beautiful moments and have them love you the same way in return is humbling.
After 7 years, here’s what I know so far:
1) Court each other. Don’t stop dating and learning about one another.
2) Check your ego at the door. You aren’t the only one that matters. Marriage is humbling so be prepared to question yourself but find an even better version of yourself.
3) Don’t forget sex. It matters. A lot. Intimacy births not only babies but a deeper connection to one another.
4) Don’t be petty. There may be a lot of things that bother you sometimes but if you are going to bring everything up, you only look like you can’t handle sharing your life and like you are out to hurt your partner. Be above it.
5) Respect other couples. Don’t compare yourselves to anyone. That is dangerous to not only your own self but to the foundation of your marriage.
6) Prioritize each other. No one comes before your wife or husband (well, your kids, but you get what I am saying). Don’t allow friends or family to play games with your relationship or try and dictate anything. That’s toxic for all involved.
7) Remember that every phase of your relationship is a season. You will grow, have different responsibilities and trials, and life changes. Go through it all together.
My only regret is that I didn’t meet my husband sooner and that I spent so much time trying to figure the whole love thing out. But I met him when I was supposed to and that gives me so much peace and gratefulness for what I learned before him.
Some people call marriage nothing more than a piece of paper. If you are thinking about it that way, then yeah- you shouldn’t get married and that’s all good. Love and commitment come in different forms. With that said, I also think we are in this weird place where we shame people for getting married and/or we expect them to fail because, well, lots of marriages do. My last piece of advice is this– if you love someone, take a chance. But do it because you love that person- not because you love the idea of that person or what life could be like. Those things are important but mean nothing if you don’t fully love the person. If you are too scared, you are leaving the door open for either of you to walk away from each other. Marriage can be challenging enough- don’t make it harder.
The Salty Exchange 