As a natural optimist, I understand that not everyone is on my level of positivity. That said, there are definitely people out there that (quite literally) suck the joy out of the air. I am sure you know someone that leaves you feeling stressed out, depleted, and guilty. They come in various forms but most commonly as the victim, the over-exaggerator, and the guilt-tripper! I will share with you some basic ways I have identified these types of people in my life and what have I done to protect myself from getting my energy zapped out from underneath me.
**Let’s get this out of the way: I am not an expert but I have had my fair share of friends/acquaintances in these categories.**
Here are some identifying traits of these energy vampires:
The victim is typically a person that always has a sob-story and nothing is ever their fault. They blame others and often make it seem like the world is against them. A key feeling to watch out for is your physical reaction around these people. Are you uncomfortable? Do you wish you could just tell them to take ownership and move forward? If that is the case then you are probably dealing with someone who is draining your energy by playing the victim.
The over-exaggerator can take any situation and blow it out of proportion. Even a simple trip to the grocery store can seem like a scene from a movie. Their emotions are usually extremely good or horribly bad with a story to accompany the feelings. Their need to be the center of attention goes from charming to narcissistic quickly and simply being around them is draining. Watch out for that feeling of dread when they enter a room. Acknowledge how you feel when they talk AT you, rather than TO you. Simply notice if you feel like you don’t matter when they are around.
The guilt-tripper is a more subtle energy vampire because they can hold a normal conversation but tend to veer off-topic and start blaming others at some point. Or my favorite example of a guilt-tripper is when you mention how great it is to see them, they quickly remind you that you know where they live and have their phone number, as if that doesn’t obviously go both ways. This type of person is harder for me to identify until I have left the conversation feeling (you guessed it) guilty. Remind yourself that you are not responsible for their blame. A key skill to build is remaining neutral and not accepting their accusations, no matter how innocent they may seem. Often the best and most inconspicuous guilt-trippers are family.
Now that we have identified several energy vampire traits, let’s discuss some ways to combat them. Like I mentioned before, pay attention to your physical reaction to other people, your body is an impressive indicator and will react subconsciously. Trust yourself, listen to red flags, and don’t down-play your intuition. The feeling of dread when someone walks in the room, is NOT a normal feeling. Stop and ask yourself “why do I feel this way” and pay attention to the interaction you have with that person and notice how they are being an energy vampire.
Next, I recommend you protect yourself; commonly known as setting boundaries or simply telling someone “this is what I can do for you, and this is what I can’t.” When you set boundaries it is easy for the other person to become defensive or feel attacked by you drawing a clear line in the sand. Do not engage. Stay neutral, stay focused, and make the decision to NOT react. It isn’t your job to explain why your boundary feels right for you, it is only your responsibility to make the boundary and for them to respect it.
My last suggestion for how to combat energy vampires is to be aware enough to notice who those people are in your life and take a conscious step back from them. Think about the type of people you want around you, hey, even think about yourself and what traits you may possess that could attract those people? Are you empathetic and people come to you with sob stories because you make them feel better… stop being their garbage can that they are allowed to dump their emotional trash in. Or think of the law of attraction… if you are an angry person, you may attract angry people into your circle. A little self-awareness work goes a long way and you’d be amazed to see how the people around you change too.
Regardless of the type of energy vampire you are dealing with, you are capable of walking away, addressing the issue, and/or setting boundaries. If you have any questions or want to discuss this topic further, feel free to leave a comment below.
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