Family – Page 2 – The Salty Exchange

Kendall On Coping During Covid-19

August 20, 2020August 20, 2020by thesaltyexchange1 Comment

I am lucky. We still have income, our health, and general stability. What’s changed for me and my family is more cosmetic than anything. Vermont has handled the outbreak of COVID-19 with relative ease; this being a perk of living in a small and rural state. While we have had deaths in my state, we have had far more survivors. As of this writing, our current number of deaths sits at 58. It is still 58 people too many for my liking. People from all over New England are now flocking to Vermont to “ride out” the pandemic. This isn’t a joke- real estate has become competitive with out of towners looking for a second home oasis. Local businesses have rallied the best they can. Citizens are mostly responsible. Yet…

Yet for all those things, life has still been altered. Due to the economy, we had to take a temporary pay cut. Rosemary’s exposure to much of the world has been cut and/or limited but, luckily, she is completely unaware. Issy now works from home full-time and sees his coworkers from the computer screen. The list goes on… for all of us regardless if you see this whole thing as a hoax or not.

COVID-19 has awoken a dark fear in me. My mother passed away very unexpectedly and quickly from the flu. Seeing the swift actions taken to try and save her are still fresh in my memory. When I think of what the coronavirus does or can do to someone infected, I see my mom. And I am afraid. I do not want to die that way. I am not ready to go. There is so much left to learn, live, and see. I am not ready to leave my daughter without a mother. Sufficed to say, I am more conscious of my health. Pair this new-found alertness with a seriously lethal allergy season that has been rife with breathing and throat problems galore and all I can say is that 2020 has kept me on edge.

Despite the virus lockdown , I have been active with both myself and my daughter. I am always trying to figure out a new way to expose her to different things or a way to keep my mental health healthy. If you have any tips, PLEASE let me know. The alteration of one’s expectations and routines are never easy to accept but I remind myself that there are people who are truly struggling with the effects of this virus on a physical health, mental health, and financial health level/levels and I tell myself to, “STFU.” I am lucky. Life could be different.

Being in quarantine doesn’t bother me so much. As an introvert, it feels like this is the general way I have lived my life- and no, that’s not sad. I like the quiet. I like being at home. What I do miss greatly about normal life though is the freedom to leave when I want or take my daughter to the grocery store with me. Every outing has to be fairly calculated and that is not always convenient. I miss date nights with my husband on Church Street- selfish, I know. I miss seeing all the local shops jam packed full with people during this time of year. It’s quieter and I know that means more financial burden for the community and its members.

I have hope that a vaccine will be developed. But I also realize that the development of a vaccine isn’t going to instantly bring back our economy or restore people’s stability. That will come with time and time can be pretty darn cruel. Eventually though, life will resume to a level of “normal.” And when it does, I hope to see you; maybe even give you a hug or kiss. Until then, I hope you are doing ok and if I can do something for you during this crazy time, let me know.

Kendall’s Public Love Letter

August 13, 2020August 13, 2020by thesaltyexchange1 Comment

Dear Husband,

Thank you. Thank you for being born- though I realize you can’t actually take the credit for that. Regardless, thank you. Because you were born, we are where we are.

Meeting you changed my life. Meeting you calmed me. Loving you has made me a better person. You have this beautiful outlook of the world that makes me feel more positive, stable, and open. Your happiness is infectious. Your ability to talk with ANYONE about ANYTHING baffles yet delights me. Your easy going nature makes you magnetic to our friends. Your “figure it the f&!$ out” attitude is what drives us. Working hard isn’t just something you do sometimes- you do it every day, without fail.

We’ve had successes and we’ve had some failures… yet we somehow always end up where we need to be… and that’s something I 100% attribute to you since I get caught up in a lot of the smaller details. Your drive is something I am so proud of and it’s something that has been tested a lot in the past few years. You don’t give up. You get up at 5:30 every morning to sneak in a workout before you sit down for an 8-hour work day. You are constantly wanting to better yourself in every way possible.

More than anything, who you are as a dad is what I am most proud of. Rosemary is the luckiest little lady to call you “daddy” or sometimes “danny.” She loves you hard, Issy. While she is little, her love is the biggest of all for you. And let’s not forget Bella… she loves you so much that she cannot not touch you while we sleep. The second you came into our lives, she ditched me for you. I know that. I can’t even be that mad at her… you are pretty spectacular.

I know you don’t particularly love public tributes… but too bad. You are someone to be celebrated, my love. You make everything in my life better.

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! August 13^th, 1985 is one of the most important dates in my calendar. You’re it, Israel.

I love you,
Your wife

Shari On Unconventional Grief

July 28, 2020July 28, 2020by thesaltyexchange2 Comments

Grief is described in the dictionary as “very great sadness, especially at the death of someone.”

What about another form of grief? Grief that feels socially unacceptable, grief that is defined as grieving the loss of someone still alive. The term is relatively new to me but also so familiar, namingly ‘unconventional grief’. I argue that unconventional grief can simply be felt in normal everyday stages of life, especially when those stages come with unplanned, life altering, and dare I say, gut-wrenching changes.

** Before I tell you about what led me to my realization of how unconventional grief has manifested in my life, I want to acknowledge that sadness over the loss of a loved one is valid, heartbreaking, and painful. If you have lost someone you love, my heart and soul sympathizes with you. I am achingly aware that grief is ever evolving and never completely goes away.

My unconventional grief hit me hard at the age of 26 when my oldest brother informed me he was moving his family to Columbus, Ohio… 2,500 miles across the United States. My heart sank, my pulse quickened, and I was torn between showing excitement at my brother’s new opportunity and the overwhelming sadness pouring out of me. I pushed every emotion aside and toasted to my brother’s new adventure. Later that evening when I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry, I told myself to stop. I thought about all the people I knew with family in other states and I told myself to suck it up, be happy for my brother, plan trips to visit them, and deal with it. In the months to follow I did suppress all of those emotions and focused on my brother’s family and their upcoming move. I helped them pack, I spent as much time with my little nieces and nephews as possible (see picture of me kissing my youngest niece), and I trained for a half marathon to distract myself/ try to deal with the pain I couldn’t control.

It wasn’t until years later that I finally acknowledged my legitimate grief during that season of life. What I wouldn’t do to go back and hug that 26 year old version of myself and tell her to allow herself to be sad and not to bottle it up.

Now when I hear of friends or family that are grieving a change in their life or a loved one moving away or their children growing up too quickly, I am the first to tell them that their unconventional grief is acceptable, understandable, and normal.

What unconventional grief have you bottled up?

Acknowledge it, allow yourself to be sad, cry, and simply feel it.

I promise the sadness will dissipate, you will find happiness again.

Kendall’s Chicken Enchilada Pie Casserole Recipe

July 15, 2020July 28, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

Okay, so this isn’t actually my recipe! This gem belongs to my father, Gary. Growing up, Gary didn’t cook a whole lot. He had a few go-to favorites that my sister and I tired of quickly and easily. For example, I am fine NEVER eating hamburger pie again. With that said, my dad makes a mean clam chowder, egg drop soup, and, well, enchilada pie casserole.

This is a wonderful recipe to feed a crowd of people or make and have as leftovers throughout the week. You can totally modify anything below… for example, we grilled the chicken breasts instead of baked them. You can season with different spices you like or use flour tortillas instead of corn! This is super easy and sure to please your friends and fam!

What you need:
4 or 5 boneless chicken breasts
Salt
Pepper
Paprika
Chili Powder
Chili Quick (can be hard to find so chili powder is just fine)
1 regular size yellow onion
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 can cream of mushroom
2.5 cups of water
1 package of corn tortillas
Shredded cheese (amount is up to you and your preference on cheese)

How to make it:
Preheat oven to 350F
Season your chicken breasts with salt, pepper, paprika and salt
Place in a regular casserole pan, cover with foil and bake for about 1 hour
** For the last ten minutes, remove the foil
Cut chicken breasts into cube size pieces and set aside
Dice up onion
In one large pot, add can of cream of chicken soup and can of cream of mushroom soup and reuse those cans by filling them each up with water and adding that water to the pot.
Heat up and add chicken and diced onions
Add your chili powder or chili quick and add to taste
Let everything heat together in pot for about 4-5 minutes on medium heat
** If the mixture seems too thick, add a little more water as needed and stir
Cut up your package of corn tortillas into fourths (you can use the whole package or less- this is really up to you- I like a whole package for substance)
Layer your casserole dish with the corn tortilla fourths, and then cover with chicken mixture and a handful (or more) of cheddar cheese, repeat this about 3 times
** If you have room for a fourth layer, do it!
Cover with foil and place back into oven to cook at 350 degrees for about 45 minutes
** For the last ten minutes, remove the foil

Please note, this is not the healthiest of recipes but it’s great for feeding a crowd or enjoying some comfort food. Eat hearty!

From Super Aunt Shari To Super Stepmom

June 30, 2020October 12, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

Let’s start with the facts: I am an aunt to 8 kids, 4 boys and 4 girls. I became an aunt at the age of eighteen and like clock work, a child was born every two years after that. My oldest brother has 6 kids and my other brother has 2 kids. At the age of thirty two, my youngest niece was born right around my birthday in October.

But who really cares about me being an aunt? Well, I wasn’t just ANY aunt. In my early years of being “Auntie Shari”, I was the young, fun, and super involved aunt who saw the kids every week. I played with them, had special auntie dates with them, and people often thought they were my kids (they are all blondes like me).

What did spending so much time with them teach me? I learned what it meant to be an aunt and what a special role I played in their lives. I learned that their mom and dad always had the final say. I learned that I couldn’t discipline them but I could let them know what was and wasn’t okay. I learned that it was a privilege to be the fun, funny, and loving aunt and I hope that is how they remember me during those early years. When I was twenty six my oldest brother with the 5 (now 6) kids moved to Ohio. I grieved their move like I was grieving a death. I know it sounds dramatic but Washington to Ohio is a big move for our Pacific Northwest based family. Plus, did I mention I saw them weekly if not more?! Those kids were everything to me. The impact of their move floored me and was an identity shift that I will dig into on another blog post.

Now, nearly 6 years post their move to Ohio (where they still currently live), I just got married and have started a family of my own. Not a conventional family but a blended family. I am lucky enough to be a stepmom to 3 amazing kids. Very quickly after getting introduced as their dad’s “girlfriend” I easily slipped into that ‘fun aunt’ role with them. Similarly to how I respected my brother and sister-in-law as my nieces’ and nephews’ parents, I accept my husband and his ex-wife as my step kids’ parents. I learned so much from being an involved aunt that I can now apply to being a hands-on, loving, and fun stepmom.

Tickle fights, one-on-one dates, slow to anger (which means remembering that they are just kids), building sand castles, watching them play video games, throwing the football, belly laughs, the same movies and music on repeat, and keeping all their favorite snacks stocked…I have been inducted into the stepmom hall of fame and I am here for it. All of it. The good, the bad, the ugly, and all those beautiful moments in between.

Oftentimes I find myself saying “ask your dad” or “what do you normally get to do” which helps differentiate that I am not their mom or dad, I am a special person in their life but not the one biologically responsible. Trust me I love them fiercely but, let’s be real, like any kid they can get on your last nerve… lol. Thankfully, they are also incredibly easy to love and give love in return.

So if you are a stepmom (or stepdad) and having a rough time, I suggest changing your mindset to the fun aunt (or uncle). I also suggest remaining calm and communicating well with your spouse. Give yourself some grace and when all else fails, book a family getaway weekend and make some fun new memories.