Kids – The Salty Exchange

Shari’s Tips & Tricks on Camping with Kids

May 21, 2021May 25, 2021by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

The summer is really sneaking up on us and if you haven’t already booked your camping spots, then you should soon! As an avid camper, I have learned a thing or two from my many times camping but it’s no joke to start camping with kids. First off, car camping and backpacking are EXTREMELY different. Secondly, I am sure I still have a lot to learn about camping with kids as they get older but last year I felt like we won the camping experience lottery with our trip to Winthrop, WA and I am going to unpack a few tips and tricks I learned from that particular journey.

1. Snacks! All the typical kid-favorite snacks, plus some healthy options like pre-cut fruit & veggies, and never forget the power of ice cold water & La Croix! The kids each have their favorite snacks and meals. I planned out two snacks for each kid (they could obviously share), then I prepped as much as I possibly could with the meals and healthy snacks to make them grab-and-go friendly. In my meal prep I also planned on us getting pizza at a nearby restaurant on the last night of our stay. This is a smart tip because I didn’t have to worry about our last meal of the trip staying in the cooler for multiple days. I will definitely be doing that in the future if we can!

2. Toys & Games… in this case since we were at a KOA campground next to a river (the KOA was still following strict COVID restrictions at that time). We brought our own bikes for riding around the campground and tubes to float the lazy Methow River! Additional fun toys that the kids loved were glow sticks, camping buddies (a small character toy tradition their dad started with them), and a few classic games like Uno and Connect4. I got the glow sticks on a whim but it made the pre-bedtime tent games soooo much more fun and funny!

Snacks, games, and lounging at its finest!

3. Planned activities but not too many! The not too many part is key! Alex and I love allowing for some spontaneity on trips which means we are a healthy mix of a few planned activities and a lot of unscheduled adventures and relaxing time! The only planned activities were an early morning mini-golf session that we all LOVED and ice cream mid-day at Sheri’s Ice Cream Shop! We enjoyed slow mornings the other days and went tubing down the river at least 4 times a day. The fact that we didn’t fill our days with a ton of activity made it a stress-free and still adventurous trip. The kids loved being able to bike, play games, and tube the river with us whenever they wanted.

Disclaimer: I am a planner by nature so I understand the temptation to plan it all out… trust me it is worth it to give yourself an outline and fill in the rest as you go!

Bikes, mini-golf, and those beloved glow sticks.

4. Create a playlist! We created a family playlist and it made the road trip so fun. Bonus: we brought our portable speaker and played our favorite songs at the campsite too. Some favorites are “Africa” by Todo, “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas, and “Kings & Queens” by Ava Max. Granted our kiddos were 7, 11, and 13 at the time, so I totally understand some parents are still in the “Frozen” Soundtrack phase of life (your kids will eventually move on to other music, I promise)!

My last nuggets of advice when camping with kids are to always remember a first aid kit (kids are prone to accidents) and sun-sickness is real, make sure the kiddos hydrate because they wont think about it when they are having so much fun (we learned that the hard way).

Finally, just have fun! Camping is all about the preparation leading up to the trip and then making memories during the trip. Keep in mind that car camping is so much easier when you are near a town and can drive and get something you might have forgotten. We were 3 minutes away from a grocery store and thank goodness because we forgot dish soap and a sponge!

Now that I have inspired you to get into the great outdoors with your kids… go book your summer camping trip, prepare the best you can, and have the best time with your family!

Happy Camping!

Kendall On The Decision To Stay Home

September 4, 2020September 25, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

When I moved to Spain, I became a stay at home wife… that’s right… not a mom… a stay at home wife. Certain elements of being stationed there made it very difficult and, in some cases, impossible, to work. At first, I struggled. I missed working. I missed using my brain and challenging myself in ways that had pretty much been conditioned in me for as long as I could remember. I missed that part of my identity. Work had always provided me with a sense of purpose. The loss of that purpose was very difficult for me to process. My first six months in Spain, while lovely, were also very jarring for me as I searched for purpose and meaning while adjusting to a whole new way of life. With everything stripped away, I truly started over and ended up really liking who I became. Eventually I embraced the solitude and the calm. I made a lot of time for reading, writing, and adventuring with my husband.

Once our daughter was born and we learned we would be moving back to the United States, Issy and I discussed what it would look like for me to go back to work. We ultimately decided against it. The truth is, I just don’t want to pay for someone to watch my kid. BUT with that said, I also understand why parents do pay for daycare and want to get back to work. It’s an important part of who they are, sometimes it’s a financial must, and, quite frankly, the routine is essential to one’s mental health. The list can go on. I am a firm believer that each parent and family have to do what is best for them. I do not believe that there is any one right way to raise kids. I do not judge a mom or dad who chooses to go back (whatever their reason) – they never have to justify that to me. I also do not judge a mom or dad who chooses to stay at home… it doesn’t take away from who they are or make them any less smart or valuable. Yet I, like a lot of others, have fallen into that trap. I often feel like I am seen as “lesser.” The perception I feel people have of me must be that I am lazy. All of these things (and more) are completely unfair. It’s a terrible game to play. In short, it’s a total mind f%^#. And in all honesty, it takes away from the experience of being with my daughter. I have to actively work to shut all of that out.

Being at home is something I openly struggle with. I would love to engage my mind in something outside of parenting. When Issy breaks down all the details of his day and what he is working on, I am in awe because of how happy he is with his daily accomplishments, totally lost because I do not understand a lot of the super specific parts of his job, and sometimes I am very jealous that I have nothing to contribute to our conversation outside of the baby/home life. I feel… uninspiring. It’s especially hard after those days that are filled with toddler tantrums and the drinking and spitting back out of milk all over herself and the floor. The worst days for me though, are the days where Rosemary wants nothing to do with me. I can’t bear to hear how great someone else’s day is when the one job I have, I failed at. Those are the days I struggle with my decision to stay home the most.

Then, there is the guilt. I feel so guilty for asking for “me time.” I feel like my husband looks at me and is disappointed. In reality, my husband NEVER thinks or feels this. He is in total support of me taking care of myself and pursuing my own hobbies and interests. He would gladly drop everything to give me time for whatever I wanted. There is just this crazy shame and guilt that if I do something for myself, I am selfish. After all, (this is me talking to myself), I am at home all day. I am not working hard. Taking care of our child is a privilege and I need to get over myself. And there it is- that’s an inner monologue of mine. HOW on earth did my thinking get to be like this? WHY is it easier to hate and judge myself than it is to give myself some grace and believe that people do not see every bad quality in me? I am, and always have been, really hard on myself. That has only intensified with motherhood. For the sake of my daughter and my own well-being, I have been working really hard to kick that inner monolgue’s ass to the curb.

Look, being a mom is… kind of amazing. When I hear Rosemary reciting her numbers and colors and identifying things in the world… I know that that is me. I don’t mean that my husband doesn’t teach her things because he does BUT I am the primary teacher. I work on puzzles with her, reading, listening, coloring, etc. That’s my job. And so far, it’s really satisfying. Molding a little human to be better than ourselves, adjusted, happy, and bright is not easy. It takes work. When I am feeling low or confused, I can’t let her see that… kids are smart. They pick up on that. I never want her to see that I struggle with what I do because it is not a reflection on her… she is wonderfully wonderful. It’s a reflection on me and my identity markers I have crafted for myself over the past 32 years.

I hope to go back to work when Rosemary is a bit older. For now, I firmly feel my place is with her. Wanting to go back to work is also really scary… I will be older… lack about a decade’s worth of resume time… My competitive-ness will be nil. Will I look pathetic? Will someone even want to give me a chance? Heck, will I be prepared? I like to think so. My fear is having to defend my life choices and as a result, having to defend my basic worthiness as a human to a group of my peers.

Being at home is just a part of my life story, not the whole book. That’s just me. I know that there is more I am meant to do. What that means and what that looks like have yet to be determined. All I can say with confidence is that I am the badass CEO behind Arguello Holdings Inc and we function because I make it so. More on that later. In the meantime, send help. Rosemary refuses to keep her clothes and diaper on. Like, refuses. Undergrad and grad school and the workforce in general did not prepare me for this.

Kendall on Mothering A Girl: Part 1

June 30, 2020September 25, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

When my husband and I found out we were having a baby, we were ecstatic. A few months later, we were told we were having a boy. I am ashamed to admit I breathed a huge sigh of relief. So much of my experience in being a woman (at the time) was super tainted and had made me feel a little jaded. Everything I was always felt underrated; nothing I did ever made me “enough.” Meanwhile, I saw men with less smarts, talent, and drive able to move forward in every aspect of their lives simply because they were given more value and the respect of having the benefit of the doubt. Suffice to say, the relief I felt at having a boy made me feel like I would have less to battle in terms of raising him in a world that is truly set up for him on some level. Please note, I do not mean that men have it made. I know they don’t. Especially men of color. I just felt less dread. Maybe you can understand that and maybe you can’t. Either way, it was what I felt.

Then, a few weeks later, we discovered that little Ben (what we had decided to name the baby) was not little Ben. Ben became Rosemary (named after my mother). Issy was ecstatic to be a dad to a girl. My heart fluttered and I smiled in total bliss. I was also excited because, let’s be honest, baby stuff for girls tends to be a bit more varied and exciting than it is for boys… which is total crap and I will address this in a future post. I knew a little lady would be so much fun to raise. In the car on the way home from the clinic, my stomach started knotting; the dread had set in. A girl. The fight had already started. My mind blew up with the following thoughts:

We live in a world where being a woman is not always valued. We live in a world where women have to fight for basic rights and respect. Being a woman in the world today has never been so complicated. Sure, there are lots of opportunities… but not all of them are available to us. We aren’t paid fairly. Our decision to wear a sexy outfit makes us the target of uneducated men who can’t keep it in their pants. Once we say, “Yes” to sex, we can’t change our minds without conflict. We are held to a higher standard to be nice and polite and “ladylike.” Our success rides on us being aggressive, but not too aggressive. Calling someone out on their shit earns you the title of “bitch.” A woman with smarts is still expected to start at the bottom and earn the right to learn and the right to climb the ladder. But men? Not always. They just need to flirt with HR a little to negotiate their salary and position title… and yes, that’s a true story from a young man growing in his career from intern to young professional. Their strength and confidence are considered just that… strength and confidence. What makes this so impossibly infuriating is that men are always given the benefit of the doubt. Women have to earn that right.

Round and round my mind went analyzing my experiences. And that was just in the past decade… as I thought further back, I cringed. I remember a teacher telling me that the reason I struggled with math is because girls tend to have minds that are meant for literature and history over science and math. I remember being told that “good girls” are quiet by my 4^th grade teacher. And she didn’t mean it in the sense that I was too loud. She truly meant soft spoken… those were the girls she praised in class. On and on my head continued to pull up a lot of buried memories. The next day after my husband went to work, I cried. I cried because I already wanted so badly to run into battle to protect her.

In the midst of everything that is going on in the world, I am aware of how I react to it all will imprint on her. I don’t want to fill her head with the idea that being a woman is hard and create this chip on her shoulder before she is able to navigate and conquer the world on her own. What I want to do is to give her the skills to know herself well, to be articulate, and to not be afraid of a challenge. I think that is what most parents want for their child- girl OR boy. What makes the journey harder for me is that I don’t want to taint her with my own experiences. I don’t want her to see me process my own life as a woman and then carry that on her to own. How do I tell her that? How do I live that?

I am working on it. Rosemary is only 21 months and I am already so in awe of her. She is capable of so much and is learning so much. When thinking about her future, I don’t have the same dread as I did when she was growing in my belly. I still have some dread and a lot of concerns but I know that Issy and I are able to navigate it. It’s going to be a day by day thing. And that’s ok. For now, issues like this aren’t important. What’s important to Rosemary is that I wrap up this blog and help her eat breakfast. For now, that’s all.