Mental Health – The Salty Exchange

Postpartum Be Like…

November 22, 2022November 22, 2022by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

Confusing. With Rosemary, I had little to no postpartum symptoms. Granted, I had a terrible pregnancy that was fraught with depression and constant queasy-ness. But in terms of postpartum, nothing. With Chéo? My name is Kendall and I have postpartum depression and anxiety.

In my college years, I dealt with depression and anxiety. Through therapy, I learned A LOT about myself and depression/anxiety. I am beyond grateful for those experiences. It taught me so much and has allowed me to understand my current feelings. I have no shame about my feelings and understand the “triggers” that affect me. Chéo’s pregnancy was relatively easy- which, I was thankful for. But the feelings that have come after his birth are… intimidating. I feel so overwhelmed at times that I can’t breath. It’s not rational. It’s not healthy. But it’s what I feel. I feel safe and confident when it comes to caring for my son. Life is what I am struggling with. It feels so scary; so negative. In reality, I KNOW life is not either of these things. But, in moments of emotional vulnerability, I struggle to know that. One of the only moments, I feel calm is when I am snuggled into my husband before bed. This struggle was beginning to creep into my daily life. And truthfully, I don’t have any patience for that. I have two kiddos to raise. I am mama. My daughter needs me for practically everything as does my son. I can’t be anything but my best. So…. when the point came where I felt like I couldn’t be my best, I knew I needed to get some help. I need help not because I am weak because I am not. I need help because I know myself and know I am capable of talking over all those negative voices. If I ignore them, I risk the chance of truly hurting myself emotionally. By acknowledging them, I guarantee success for myself as a person, wife, and mother.

Postpartum depression and anxiety feels like an extreme amount of pressure. I have such a big life outside of these feelings that I can’t become too consumed by them and I know this. Seeking help is paramount to not only my mental health but the health of my family. That doesn’t take away that my feelings are very real and very important. Going through this has also shown me how I have changed. Strip away the titles of wife and mom and who the heck am I? I am not sure. But I know I need to figure that out. I have to swim through the maze of diapers and perpetual smell of baby poop, dinners and dishes, and commute to Rosemary’s school in the next town to see who I have become. What interests me? What do I want to do? What about me is interesting? Truth? I have no effing idea. It’s hard work because I don’t have the time to just sit and figure it out. But, I need to make the time.

I have given all of myself to bear my kiddos. It’s a special kind of love and one that I feel honored to understand. Now, it’s time to reclaim a bit of myself. I will encourage other moms all day long whether it be in the SAHM struggle, or the boss moms returning to work. But I don’t give myself even a teaspoon of that love and acceptance. Hypocrisy isn’t for me. What is for me is accepting my feelings, working through them, and coming out of them a better person. If you are struggling with any mental health issues, please reach out to your doctor.

Shari: Sometimes, We Need a Break!

October 7, 2021by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

Hey girlfriends, this blog post is for you. The other day I was sitting at my desk feeling emotionally exhausted from a busy and unusually stressful day at work. That same evening I knew my sweet step kids were on their way and dinner would be demanded the moment they walked through the door (I was right) and in that moment I just wanted to tag out from my life for a second. I didn’t want to reply to another email or cook dinner for anyone. What I wanted was to curl up in a ball on the couch with the fireplace going, soft music playing, and just close my eyes for an unknown amount of time.

Have you been there?

I firmly believe that as women, moms, friends, partners, and ladies in general we should get a “pass” to check out for an evening (or maybe even an entire weekend). I mean life is exhausting, I understand that life is a gift but you can’t tell me you don’t think it is a little overwhelming and exhausting at times. A break of any sort can be just the thing you need.

So what do we do when we feel this way? I am sure if you are anything like me you just take a deep breath and look forward to whatever “feels like a break” activity or time you have. That may look like the extra 30 minutes you allow yourself before the rest of your family wakes up, it could look like the extra few minutes out of your morning drive to get yourself a coffee, or it could be quite literally walking over to the couch and shutting your eyes for a bit. Whatever it looks like for you, make the time. Life is beautiful and if we are exhausting ourselves to the point of needing a break or feeling that fatigue, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY and obey it. Somehow find that break for yourself so that you can feel even an ounce more rejuvenated than you did before.

We are all collectively there, in some way, shape, or form… we all know the feeling of being “over it”. That feeling is so simply relatable across humanity which is why I decided to call it out in this blog post. I have heard it from ALL of my girlfriends at one point or another. Most of the time I hear every excuse as to why a “break” isn’t possible. The thing is, if you are feeling like you need a break it is because you do. That initial feeling of needing a break can quickly spiral into a mental breakdown and impact your overall health. It is important and mandatory that you stop pushing yourself to the side and make yourself a priority. Like I have said on other blog posts, no one is going to put you first but YOU!

So take that break. Listen to what your body and mind need. Advocate for yourself and the fact that you deserve a damn break! If you struggle with the concept of taking a break… listen to this Ted Talk by Melinda Choy.

Shari: Health- Beyond Diets & Workouts

January 21, 2021January 21, 2021by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

Health: what a LOADED word that is. It can mean so many different things to so many people and, sadly, most of us still struggle to define it in a truly healthy way.

My adolescent brain associated heath with weight and athleticism. As a 16 year old, going into my junior year of high school, I trained all summer in the hot and blistering sun to attend a soccer camp at what would eventually be my college alma mater. All of that hard work was put in to obtain athleticism and yet… that time was really just a thief of joy because I never felt good enough… no matter how much energy I exerted. Countless days during camp left me nearly crawling back to the dorms, feeling nauseous and fatigued for the majority of the summer. My hard work and consistency paid off though. I made the varsity team that year only to sit on the bench because the coach had her own methods of not allowing her subs to play, if she did, it was never for long. Due to her warped coaching agenda she single handedly ruined soccer for me. After playing soccer for 12 years I never played again after that year. Dramatic? Yes. Absolutely. However, I wish I could go back and tell my younger self during that season of life how proud I was that I did not allow my mental health to go through the abuse of that ignorant coach. Instead, I used my own, hard earned money and took private tennis lessons after school and around my work schedule my senior year. Again, my hard work had paid off, I was captain of my tennis team. High fives, 17 year old self for being competent enough to re-route that energy into something positive (a major enneagram 7 trait, I’ll blog on that in the near future).

In college, fad diets and an unattainable image of what women were supposed to look like was the standard. Although I wasn’t particularly mad at my weight or pant size, I was constantly striving to be smaller which translated to petite, cute, attractive… UGH. I remember looking at all my beautiful girlfriends and thinking I was the largest one of the group (*facepalm*) when the truth was I actually wasn’t and probably had slight body dysmorphia at the time. Also in my 20’s, I did fall victim to fad diets. There was, however, one fad diet in particular that was a 24 day challenge which made me rethink my cooking skills and try some fun food switches like using spaghetti squash instead of pasta (who knew?). Although I am not a fan of fad diets because they are usually not attainable for the long term, I did enjoy improving my skills in the kitchen and still reference several of the recipes from that challenge. I like to lovingly refer to ‘the experimental food phase’ as a major advancement in my appreciation for food and eating thoughtfully. Food is fuel! It really is AND we are allowed to enjoy it too. I learned that I could make a vegetable soup that tasted delicious and ALSO have a cookie with no shame or punishment at the gym. What a liberating concept!

Now I am in my early 30’s and looking at health in a completely holistic way. I have the experience and maturity to understand that health is not only about weight, athleticism or food…it is about your mental health, financial health, spiritual health, work/business health, and relational health. Health takes EVERYTHING into consideration which is why it is such a loaded word. We all search for what health means because to be healthy isn’t one specific answer. When I write out my health goals now compared to when I was younger my goals include budgeting my finances, incorporating spa days, traveling, daily prayer & gratitude, sleep, meal prepping, movement, career goals, and lots of family time. The vision I have of myself at my healthiest looks like hiking up a mountain barely winded, cooking meat and veggies over the open fire, with my husband and friends laughing nearby, bare feet in the dirt, security of a job and a home to come back to after this idyllic, healthy, and welcomed getaway. And during this getaway I envision being well-rested with energy to explore and swim in the alpine lakes. I will also see my family when I get home – we’ve made dinner arrangements. I am out enjoying God’s creation where I honestly feel the most spiritually connected. I am happy, I am content, THIS is what HEALTH is.

If you’re reading this, I hope it is a reminder that there is more that comes into play with your health than diet and exercise. How do you envision yourself at your healthiest?

Shari: Redefine Your Busy

August 20, 2020August 20, 2020by thesaltyexchange1 Comment

The redefinition of a word: a superpower you may never know you had.

Recently I went on a walk with a friend. We were talking about motherhood and babies. She, a new mom herself, made a comment in passing about how “over-committed” I am and how that would have to change if I were to have a newborn.

I laughed it off because she clearly doesn’t know how many responsibilities and leadership roles I have tapered off over the past two years and how slowed down my life has felt since the beginning of 2020 (even pre-Covid) but, nonetheless, her words stung. I had to stop and utilize a skill I learned several years ago in my life coaching group.

During one of my life coaching meetings I came to the group super upset. Multiple people that day had referred to me as being “too busy,” my life “so exhausting,” and even asked me “how do you have friends with a schedule like that,” etc. It wasn’t the words that held the weight but all the nonverbal cues (ahem, Communication Major over here) like facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language told me these people clearly disapproved of my professional and social schedule. Why did it matter to them anyway? My life coach smiled and said, “instead of letting the word busy hold a negative meaning, what if you could change it? What if the word busy meant that you are putting your time and effort into activities, organizations, and people that you love? What if busy was a compliment?”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I had been letting other people’s negative connotation to the word busy upset me for far too long. It was time I realized that all my effort in leading a local young professional group, learning more about my Scandinavian heritage, and encouraging women and girls to get outside was serving me in all the most fulfilling ways. I didn’t think of myself as overcommitted; I was proud of my commitments. I chose each of them. I said “yes” when most would say “no.” I chose to push myself professionally and personally. I chose to get outside my comfort zone and make my community better. I was busy but in the BEST way possible.

After that life coaching session, I felt empowered with my new definition of the word. It seems silly that we let a word hold so much meaning when we have the power to change our perspective- a superpower each of us possesses and can use at any moment!

The next time someone says something that feels deflating to you, rude, or insensitive, I challenge you to stop and think of ways that word can be redefined to better represent it’s presence in your life. For example, if your thoughts around the word healthy are negative, redefine what healthy means to you. Go use that superpower!
**AND let me know what word you have redefined for yourself.