Tag: motherhood

Kendall- Hey There!

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It’s been a minute since I’ve posted. Life with two kids changed significantly and keeping up with The Salty Exchange wasn’t easy for me. So, here I am two years later… a little wiser, a little more tired (‘cuz… kids), and a little more focused.

In the two plus years since I’ve last posted, I can tell you that time has FLOWN. Chéo is in preschool. Rosemary trekked through kindergarten and is now in first grade. Bella turned 13. Issy is now 40. And me? I made some decisions about my life that needed to be made. My faith has become one of the biggest pillars of my life. I finally shed the shame of wanting to defend or be embarrassed by my choice to serve my family as a career. I got my ass back in the gym to rebuild strength. My health became a priority, and I made the steps to get the extra help I needed to get physically healthy. I weaned myself off my anti-anxiety medicine because it was just time (no shame to those who stay on it- that stuff WORKS and I am forever grateful). In this time, I stopped comparing the work that my husband and I were doing. For a long while, I thought he was the one that was worth more than me. After all, he had a job, brought home the money, made time to work out, and had major successes to celebrate. Once I let go of comparing our values and making it a competition in my head, I actually became a much happier person. He does what he needs to do because he is the one meant to do that work and serve that role in our lives. I do what my family needs me to do and quite frankly, I am the only one who can because that’s just who I am designed to be. Through all of this, my husband has become my biggest protector. He questions what and who I pour my energy into not because he is controlling but because he hates to see me burn out, hurt, and frustrated. He is protective of my spirit and helps me walk through things. Instead of nickeling and diming his time, I have become more supportive of his love for music and performing and have helped him to balance that with family time. As he has gone through the ranks at work, I have listened to him talk through things, edit resumes, and celebrated his wins with him and I do this without jealousy in my heart.

Taking a hard look at my life wasn’t intentionally done. It just sort of happened circa the autumn of 2023. I began to see that who I was trying to be wasn’t someone I wanted my kids to know. Don’t get me wrong, who I was trying to be wasn’t bad… I was just not happy. It wasn’t actually me. I made some tough calls about who I wanted in my life and what I wanted my focus to be. Once I began to articulate that, things just got better. Gone were the distractions that didn’t serve me and in its place was something infinitely softer. I realized I am a soft person. I am sensitive, I am careful, and I am thoughtful. Imperfect as all get out? Oh, yeah! But I am here. I am content with what my life is and who is in it. God sent me some wonderful friends that have lifted me up and made me laugh. Even now, as I write this, these ladies are there for each other, sending prayer requests, prayers, memes, jokes, and wine recommendations to each other. Community is important to me but not just any community. Community that respects and supports that my family is the priority in my life, that I am an imperfect mother trying to be better, and community that lifts me up in faith and in softness is what’s important.

So, now that we are back here is what you can expect. I will be talking more about my adventures as a mom, wife, and friend, my feelings about my health journey and my choice to take Wegovy, my unfiltered thoughts on crazy people on the internet- because let’s be honest, there is A LOT to dissect there, the occasional recipe or shopping haul, and my faith. If it’s your first time here, welcome. Shari and I are just regular people writing out our thoughts like we would in a diary. We aren’t here for the fans, the likes, or the fame. That sounds like entirely too much work. But we are here to make you laugh and connect on the stuff that matters to us.

Until next time, enjoy the last warmth of summer. Fall is coming! Oh… and I am obviously a Swiftie.

Shari: I’m Back!

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First off, thank you for your excitement for Kendall and I to come back from maternity leave. It has taken a little while for me (I can’t speak for Kendall) to get back in the swing of things. I’ve learned that having a newborn brings its own amount of adjustments including admitting when extra endeavors seem like “too much.” I am grateful for family and friends that remind me to not over-do it and to keep my main focus on myself and my little one.

With that said, let’s talk about motherhood. I am so happy to be feeling more normal and less overwhelmed by the thought of anything added onto my plate besides just managing life with a newborn. I will share the birth story in a future post but for now I will tell you it was pretty straightforward. My pregnancy and Koralyn’s birth were fairly textbook and I am extremely grateful for that. My challenges arose in the days following the birth of Koralyn which will be a blog post for another day. It was a learning curve and it’s true when they say “nothing truly prepares you for motherhood” no matter how many blog post articles I skimmed, videos I watched, books I read, or accounts I followed on the topic… pregnancy, birth, and postpartum are so different and personal for everyone. One thing I think has been done well in more recent years is ACTUALLY talking about those differences so that mothers can also find some solidarity. There is guaranteed to be some story somewhere that parallels their experience even if it’s not exact. Motherhood has its pros and cons but more than anything, I am simply honored to be Koralyn’s mom and that is all that truly  matters.

My work-life balance is also coming back slowly. I am allowing myself to transition properly, or atleast I am trying to. Thankfully my coworkers and company also give me grace which is a support that I will never take for granted. I work from home half days on Monday and Friday which has helped me ease back into the full days Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday. Koralyn is with family and friends and I try not to overthink the rest (easier said than done with a postpartum brain). I have to say, trying to keep her on a “schedule” is laughable but for an almost 4 month old she is managing well and thankfully I am getting some solid sleep. I know, that seems like a very vague report on how life is currently going. If there is something more specific you’d like me to blog about, please let me know and I’d be happy to.

For now, I will leave you with this sweet photo from Koralyn’s newborn photoshoot (when she was only 7 days fresh).

Photo credit: Bailey Erickson Photography

Kendall: The Motherhood Saga Continued…

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Being a mom to a toddler is a bit of an emotional roller coaster. On any given day you can be loved, kicked, screamed at, snuggled with, cherished, or hated. It’s a total mind f^#$. 

My toddler is so… smart. She knows her numbers, colors, shapes, and emotions. But as a toddler she also completely lacks the skills to instantly recognize her feelings and then act appropriately. To be fair, we probably all know some adults that are like this. Regardless, she is fascinating. Watching her little brain learn and process things is a total privilege. Albeit, one that sometimes requires me to hide in the pantry for a five minute sanity break. 

She wants space but all she wants are snuggles. Her desire for independence is only eclipsed by her panic that comes on when she realizes I am not in the living room but upstairs swapping out the laundry. As her dad and I have gotten to know more of who she is becoming we have been left with lots of questions. Are we doing enough? Are we being taken seriously as her parents? How do we address certain behavioral issues that are TOTALLY normal for a toddler? How do we give her independence with boundaries? How do we teach her that it’s okay to have lots of feelings and the words to express those feelings? How do we not overly validate everything so that she learns and doesn’t just become some jerk of an adult? The questions are endless and the answers are few. 

Some days it feels like I get nothing right. Others, it feels like I am “on” and totally winning the whole motherhood game. What I have learned about myself is this: I am enough. My daughter has shown me that through all of her tantrums, joys, games, laughs, and frustrations that I am enough. She loves me, forgives me, and encourages me. When you receive that from a child, it totally changes you… at least it has for me! I was never certain about being a mom. I thought I might be too selfish to really be any good at it. Loving Rosemary has made me a more giving and kind person.

Being a mom is just one part of who I am. Yet at present as a stay at home mom, it is sort of the most dominant part of myself. Every part of my day centers around my daughter. I am a glorified chef, playmate, nurse, and therapist to my three year old. Where in all of that stuff am I? Does it even matter? Well, yes, it does matter. When I have consistent breaks, I mother better. I am more patient, tender, and level headed. Finding moments to take breaks is hard. They won’t always be, but right now they are. With Issy working and in grad school, our routine is different. He is working his butt off to achieve something really wonderful; something I understand. Higher education is a total privilege and worth the blood, sweat, and tears. When I was in grad school, I didn’t have a lot of support. I handled working and school all on my own without a cheerleader. Being there for my husband is really important to me. This crazy time in our life will pass. Very soon actually! What will we do when he has all of his free time back? Don’t worry- I have a list for him! Haha. And it’s one he can’t wait to jump on. We will also have a new baby and therefore, a whole new dynamic to figure out. It’s daunting. But, together, we have always figured it all out.

Things are going to change a lot in the next few months. Who I am as a mother will change. The saga will continue. I’ll keep you updated.

Kendall: The Motherhood Saga Continued…

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This isn’t a super new topic for me to write about. In fact, I have blogged many times about the challenges of being a parent, my own person, and a good partner. Today, I am taking one angle of that and diving in. 

Being a parent is hard, y’all. Being the parent of a toddler is incredibly bittersweet. I love seeing her grow and change and yadayadayada. Sometimes. It. Sucks. Rosemary has started doing this thing where she makes up absurd stories about what’s going on. Some of them are delightful and fun. Others are downright scary. Until she can better understand HOW to use words, we are keeping her back from preschool programs because I think she would be a terrible student to have around. Teachers are supposed to teach and encourage, yes, BUT, it’s also my job as the parent to try and make sure she has the basics of kindness, sharing, language and empathy down. And right now, her world consists of me, her auntie, her lovely Thea, her Cici, or her daddy “striking her.” Or if she is telling the story in the past-tense, it’s “struck.” Okay, do I have your attention? Great. What I have learned that she actually means is that she is inserting us into the world of Frozen. Where Elsa “struck” Anna… with her power. “Mama struck me and then I ran away. And it really hurt.” OR there’s this one… “Daddy and Chris hurt me.” What she means is Daddy and Chris hurt her ears while they were practicing their guitars in the living room. But if you don’t know this or have time to decode Rosemary talk, you would think, “WTF.” I mean, I live in it and I am constantly wondering how she is picking all of this up. Like, seriously, WTF? I can’t send her to daycare. Because if she came home saying any of that about the teachers or other students, I would live in a perpetual state of wondering if she is safe. We need to work on a few things first so that I can trust her to be a good student, friend, and reliable source of information.

Another crazy toddler thing? The clumsiness. I am fairly certain she is going to break an arm or leg at some point. She is so adventurous. Sometimes, that’s incredibly fun. Sometimes, it’s just terrifying. I was that mom who refused to go to the park during COVID. I was too scared of kid germs. But as we have moved on and better understand the virus (and I live in the safest state in the USA) I have resolved myself to stop worrying and live our lives. So, we go to the park now. The girl can climb a ladder and ride down crazy slides with grace and beauty but will literally bruise herself all up on the mother’s helper stool in my kitchen trying to do acrobatic tricks. When I first noticed bruise spots on her arms, I automatically assumed I was the problem- after all, those are the ones that people get nervous about when they see them on a kiddo. Maybe when I picked her up I was too rough? Maybe I hug her too tight? Maybe I don’t know my own strength? I freaked myself out and went down a dark hole of self-loathing. What I have since realized is that my kid is brave, silly, and outgoing. She bruises herself. I don’t bruise her. The fact that I even thought I was holding her too tight is freaking absurd. While I am strong, you have to actually try to bruise- and I am not like that. But I still feel a little shy and embarrassed around other parents because we all judge the crap out of each other. But trust me, in my quest to figure out her bruising I can tell you how she got every single one- including the random one on the back of her hip (thank you booster seat at the dinner table). Seriously though, there was a week where I hated myself and thought I was a terrible mom because I couldn’t stop her from hurting herself or slowing down. Now, I am not a great mom- but I am trying to be. Do I think I will get there? Probably not. I am not patient enough to be great and there is always a next hurdle that I know will trip me up. But I am loving, gentle, funny, and encouraging of her. And that’s enough for today. 

My identity as a mom has been really challenged in the past six months. Today, I was discussing with my husband how our parenting has changed and the ways it needs to continue to change. We are no longer parents of a baby who sleeps 10 hours a day and is content in her toy area for hours. We are the parents of an active and super smart toddler. I have got to continue to adjust how I parent so that I am giving her great experiences and great boundaries. That shit is hard. It’s also been liberating for me. I mean, I knew I was a mom the day I found out I was pregnant. But there was always this fight within me about measuring up, being perfect, and being seen as enough of a decent person to be a mom. I have gotten her this far- I am a mom; I am her mom. I don’t need anyone to tell me I am doing a good job. I don’t need for people to see me as a “good mom” because I just really don’t care what people think; it’s too time consuming and takes away from me actually being present with my kid. I do not need anything from anyone except my family. I don’t need someone to judge me for the crazy things she says. I mean, she spent like 2 hours with a babysitter on Sunday and if I were to believe anything she said, I would have called the police! Judgement can go both ways there… haha. But seriously, don’t worry, my sitter is the best EVER. 


To conclude: parenting is hard. Give yourself some grace. Send some my way. And if you have any tips on teaching toddlers how to properly use words- email me at thesaltyexchange@gmail.com. Seriously. Help.