They are marketed as meak, quiet, boring, and unhappy people. Who wants to be friends with an introvert when you can hang out with a fun extrovert? Well, I suppose the answer is up to you!
I am very much an introvert. Specifically, I believe myself to be a social and thinking introvert. Always have been. Probably always will be. I prefer time alone to recharge and feed my soul. Big crowds can be overwhelming and make me feel very insecure. I don’t have a particularly “big” personality. I cannot (not even to save my life) charm a crowd of people. Attention paid to me of any kind makes me a bit uneasy. Ok, a lot uneasy. I am better off one on one. That’s me. And I am ok with it.
With all of that though, I am a lot of other things… more peppy things. I am a realist (which makes my optimism more authentic- in my opinion). I love getting to know people- just not all at once. Because I get to know people on a personal one-on-one level, I also remember a great deal about those individuals. I am self-reflective and take my time making decisions… which is a good thing for my family. Hence, my personal identification as a social and thinking introvert.
Taking ownership of this part of myself has taken some time. Hell, liking myself has taken way too much time. Being an introvert in college always made me feel… inadequate. Pair that with a very angsty and intense battle with depression and I WAS very much a stereotypical introvert. With the help of medicine and counseling, I was able to overcome a lot of the darker parts of introversion. Better than that, I was able to understand how my introversion can get in my own way and how to work on combating it. I don’t want to be so fearful of the world or closed off that I sabotage the important parts of my life.
I often feel the need to defend myself because of how I live out my introverted ways. For example, my husband loves to socialize. I can- to a point. I am happy to leave him at a party and go home to either watch a movie or go to sleep. People often misread this and assume I am pissed at them or him because he didn’t leave with me. Not the case, my friends. Another example? I dislike large social gatherings… even with friends! I prefer smaller group settings… but I will do both because I am not so introverted as to not appreciate socialization… especially in the time of this pandemic isolation. And a final example is that I am terrible at engaging in loud debate and banter. To this point, I am very capable of being loud and more “fun.” It’s just exhausting. AND depending on what we are talking about or where I am, I often feel shy about talking too much. Why waste my breath when I know I can’t possibly keep up with more boisterous friends? My silence isn’t a sign of disinterest or even lack of knowledge on the subject… I am just listening and (usually) enjoying myself! So be flattered when 6 months from now I remember what you said and chat with you about it.
To put it simply, I prefer a more mellow approach to life. Thus, it can be assumed that quarantine hasn’t been as challenging for me. You would be right. Being in quarantine has been hard on MANY levels but not really on my mental health and well-being. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss my friends- because I do. I hate that our families have had to cancel trips out here because I do love and want to see them. All it means is that being on my own during this time has really helped me to refocus, reflect, and plan for the future. As an introvert, these are all GOOD things- for me. So, my name is Kendall and I am your resident introvert at your service.
I wouldn’t consider myself an Enneagram expert by any means. The Enneagram (if you haven’t heard of it before) is a collection of nine personality types and each “Type #” has a different description. At its core, the Enneagram helps us to see ourselves at a deeper, more objective level and can be of invaluable assistance on our path to self-knowledge.
When it came time for me to figure out what number on the Enneagram fit my personality type, it was painfully obvious. Don’t get me wrong, I feel very seen as an Enneagram Type 7 but with every personality test or classification there are parts that make you say, “Hey wait a second, do I really come across that way?” AND that is the painful reality of self awareness. No, I don’t relate to EVERY part of the description of Enneagram 7, however, I’d say The Enthusiast description is 98% accurate; see the below excerpt below from the Enneagram Institute website:
“Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied. Their key motivations are to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid the possibility of pain.”
Amelia Earhart was also a Type 7 🙂
It is true, I am an extrovert but there are some common misconceptions that I have learned over the years. People assume I am always busy. While I enjoy doing a variety of activities, I also enjoy relaxing at home. I do not have infinite energy (I wish) and don’t always feel like socializing and networking (blasphemy!). I get tired and exhausted; I am human. During a time in my life when I was networking daily, working late, and burning the candle at both ends (so to speak), I remember thinking, “I wonder what would happen if all my plans all got cancelled?” I never thought that question would become a reality but due to Covid it has…
What have I learned about myself from COVID?
I have learned that having a full calendar isn’t always fulfilling. As much as I love being on the go and looking forward to the next adventure, it took my attention and focus away from those closest to me. Cancelled plans back in March of 2020 translated into free time that I wasn’t used to having but welcomed; re-organizing my neglected home to suit my work-from-home needs, quality time with on my soon-to-be husband, re-planning an upcoming wedding, all these things required me to rely on my quick problem solving skills (I love brainstorming and thinking creatively). Although I can list off all those positive outcomes due to Covid cancelling my plans (very type 7 of me), I still have to acknowledge that I miss people, I miss physical touch (hug me!), and simply being in social settings like events and family gatherings. I had travel plans that I was really looking forward to in 2020 (including my honeymoon) and canceling or changing them ALL was rough. I can understand the ‘dumpster fire’ that was 2020 but my personality can’t help but simultaneously reveal all the silver linings as well.
As a Type 7, there are a few things I think you should know… with their naturally cheerful outlook on life their bright ideas are often brushed off as wishful thinking, when actually they want to be taken seriously. Often my ability to spin a situation in an optimistic light and my excitement for a specific topic may seem like an *eye roll* enthusiasm to most. However, I‘ve genuinely thought the topic through and my ideas are worth taking into consideration. I can’t tell you how many times my initial idea was overlooked, only to be what the group finally agreed on weeks later. Frustrating. Similarly, Type 7’s are great at problem solving and generating ideas “on the fly” – this is probably the reason I am a professional event planner and enjoy the spontaneity of being on-site and working logistics for events. Often I find myself getting so caught up in making sure the event is going smoothly and everyone is having a good time, that I literally forget to take care of myself. It took years of physically demanding events to realize I have to sit down, drink water, take a self evaluation on how I am doing and not to overexert myself and my energy. I have also learned to ask for help, which isn’t always easy.
Me trying to balance EVERYTHING. But not really me.
Another reason I value learning more about my Enneagram Type is to become more self aware. Self awareness can go a long way- especially when you are trying to relate to those close to you. For example, I practice empathy, not because it doesn’t come naturally but I am just so used to dismissing my own pain that I struggle to acknowledge other people’s pain. I have worked hard to empathize and not try to make the other person see the “bright side” of the situation, like I would do to myself. I’ve learned how to sit with my friends and family in their pain and their grief and I am still learning how to do that for myself. Check out my post on unconventional grief.
I encourage you to start there (take the free test if you’d like) and if you want to know more, I suggest the Sleeping At Last Podcast that discusses each Enneagram Type. Sleeping At Last is an artist that wrote a song for each Type and the way the artist approached each Enneagram Type with such specific sounds, detailed lyrics, and genuine care is amazing. Here is the song for the Type 7, simply named Seven:
There are two parts in this song that related to me in a very personal way…
“I will find the silver lining no matter what the price”
This line made me realize that at the expense of myself, I aim to see the positive even when I really need to allow myself the pain of the situation in order to process and move forward stronger, healthier, and more self aware.
The other part of the song that I related deeply to was the part about travel…
“Let me tell you another secret of the trade
It feels like sinking when I’m standing in one place
So I look to the future and I book another flight
It is known that Type 7’s get bored easily and like to look ahead to the future and worthwhile experiences. That is VERY me, that was my 2020 plan… so many trips to look forward to… Interesting to use a concept of travel to expose the 7’s inability to feel satisfied and thus always want to seek something new and exciting. Also showcasing my point earlier about pain and being able to suppress it and move forward in the lyrics “when everything feels heavy I have learned to travel light”.
To wrap up this long post about Enneagram Type 7’s, I just have to say to my fellow 7’s… stay curious. Don’t let others diminish your sense of childlike wonder and happiness just because they don’t understand it. I tell myself this a lot lately. And to anyone who knows their Enneagram Type but doesn’t think it accurately describes you… it probably doesn’t. The Enneagram is a guideline, not a perfect representation. The beauty of being alive is to be unique and ever evolving.
The Salty Exchange 