Wedding – The Salty Exchange

Shari’s Reflections on Her Wedding Day (One Year Later!)

May 14, 2021by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

May 16th, 2020, our wedding day; a day that looked nothing like we planned but was more than we could have ever imagined. It may sound cliche but our hearts overflowed as our friends, family, and vendors rallied to make our day so extremely special. Our wedding was considered a micro-wedding due to the pandemic and gathering restrictions. The 150 person guest list quickly went down to just 10 of our immediate family (not counting a few vendors).

Our newly revamped, small wedding only took a few hours and was simple and stress-free. It included the first look, a sweet intimate ceremony, our first dance, cake cutting (and eating), and a lot of pictures.

In an effort to still celebrate with our extended family and loved ones we had a drive-thru receiving line following the intimate ceremony. For an hour we stood outside our venue and received love and congratulations from 50 cars. All together it was about 150 friends, coworkers, and family that were still able to be a part of our special day! Our hearts exploded seeing that so many of our loved ones were holding up signs, had decorated their cars, and cruised through to wish us a “Happy Wedding Day!”

Despite the change of plans, our wedding day was efficient, unique, and perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.

If you want to see a glimpse into our special day, grab a tissue and enjoy our wedding video…

COVID Bride: Part 1

August 28, 2020August 28, 2020by thesaltyexchange2 Comments

A title I never thought I would have. COVID Bride.

Let me set the scene… Our wedding date- May 16th, 2020, our invites were sent, our wedding website prepped and ready, my beautiful bridal shower and bachelorette party already took place the beginning of March, and I was blissfully checking off my bridal appointments and to-do’s. Just when I thought I was perfectly on track, exactly 60 days before our wedding on March 16th, 2020, we started quarantine.

Honestly, I was in denial for the first week and if someone asked about our wedding I would respond and say “it’s still happening.” During the second and third week of quarantine, I started to unintentionally let myself grieve as my wedding dress alteration appointment was officially cancelled, relatives from the East Coast told me they didn’t feel comfortable traveling, and so many unknown details started to take up my brain space. Our goal was to wait until a month before the wedding to make any decisions. I thought I could be patient and press pause for a month but who am I kidding, I am a professional Event Planner. Asking me not to prepare and plan is like telling someone not to scratch an itch.

Needless to say my desire to have some control over my wedding and the unknown led me to something I never thought I would utilize…bridal support groups on Facebook (I know, it surprised me too). I joined a general ‘COVID Brides’ group and another group specifically for ‘May 16th, 2020 Brides’. In these groups I didn’t feel alone, I knew there were others just as confused, sad, mad, (insert every emotion) like I was. Sure, some of those brides took their emotions and vent sessions to the extreme rant level but it was also in these comments and questions that I took comfort and started to reframe my mindset. Rather than what our wedding couldn’t be, I started to think of what our wedding could be and talked to my soon-to-be husband about his thoughts on it all. The obvious trend was to postpone the wedding and that didn’t feel right to either of us. We wanted May 16th to be our wedding date and to push forward even if we got push back like so many other brides in my Facebook groups had. It was in those groups where I realized just how incredibly blessed Alex and I are. What could have been an absolute emotional roller coaster was met with flexibility and support from our wedding planner, vendors, bridal party, family, and friends.

One of the most memorable conversations during that time was a call from my dad. He said, “Shari, I met someone who knows someone who has an alteration shop in her basement. He thinks she might be able to alter your dress and if she can’t then your mom has another idea too.” This gesture from my parents meant a lot because honestly, I had given up on my dress. It was only a month before the wedding day and I had already bought a backup dress online and fully accepted that my beautiful, expensive, brand-new wedding gown wouldn’t be altered due to quarantine and restrictions on businesses. However, the determined call from my dad, who was simply trying to save his daughter and her special day… lit a fire in me. I decided to make some phone calls and get the ball rolling. Luckily the first alteration lady I called was able to get me in. She was the sweetest! We talked from a distance as she ripped apart my gown and on the same day I brought it in she had pieced it back together and put it on me. It fit like a glove. This, my friends, is the first time I cried. I was in my dress; I finally felt like a bride.

After the dress everything else seemed to fall into place. My talented friends agreed to do my hair and make up on the wedding day. My MOH altered her own dress and had face-masks made for the bridal party to wear, mine sparkly white. My wedding coordinator took my original decor plan and shrunk it into a micro version (Zeina your skills are unmatched). Our cake lady and good friend agreed to make individual ‘to-go’ mini-wedding cakes for our guests with disposable silverware attached. We found a videographer a week before the wedding who made my last stress disappear because now I knew our day would be captured for all those important people who couldn’t be there with us.

Mixed in all those bigger wedding details were the small moments like my mom and I giving each other pedicures the week of the wedding since all the nail salons were still shut down. We soaked our feet and pretended we were at a spa. My best friend and her husband made a mountain shelf that acted as one of our main decor pieces for the wedding cake table and now has an honored place on our wall at home. The night before the wedding at our backyard mini-rehearsal with just us and the kids, we laughed so hard because our neighbor’s dog, Scamp, stood next to Alex in place of our officiant. And the real wedding MVP goes to Amazon Prime… all those last minute orders came in clutch with wedding attire for the kids and groom.

One of my favorite memories was a few weeks before our wedding when our dear friend and talented metalsmith, Marijo owner of Martini Metal Craft, came to our doorstep and dropped off Alex’s wedding band and my custom jewelry for the wedding. The jewelry was more exquisite than I ever could have imagined and Alex’s topographic map imprinted wedding band was so sentimental that he started to get emotional. It was these little moments that made those few months of uncertainty worth every second.

Alex and I look back at the last two months leading up to our wedding with so much gratitude. A huge thanks to our photographer telling us she would fly out no matter what, our venue for saying yes to a micro-ceremony and drive-by receiving line, and our officiant & marriage counselor virtually meeting with us during that time was so special and kept us focused on what our wedding was truly about.

Despite all the mountains of unknowns, we had done it. Our wedding team had rallied hard for us and we would end up having the best day full of celebration and love. More on our wedding day in another post. xoxo.

Kendall On Her Courthouse Wedding

August 28, 2020August 29, 2020by thesaltyexchangeLeave a Comment

I am a girl who loves her wedding TV shows. David Tutera? LOVE. Saying yes to THE dress? Love the moment.

When it came to my wedding though, I knew I didn’t want any of that. It simply just wasn’t important to me or Israel. Also, our situation dictated that a quick, no fuss ceremony was needed- on many levels. Let me explain…

To clarify, I was not pregnant. I can see why many people jumped to that conclusion and assumed that that MUST be the reason why a girl would forsake her “special” day. What I was dealing with was a time crunch. Issy was due to PCS to Spain on May 2^nd… and we decided to get married on Saturday, April 2^nd. Our original plan had me going to Spain unmarried and upon further investigation, we realized that wasn’t logistically responsible. Since we knew we were going to get married anyways, we decided there wasn’t any reason to wait. And I am glad we didn’t.

*Special shout out to Al C…. thank for the real talk regarding marriage and PCS life. You definitely helped us make a better decision and it’s one that we have never regretted.

So, the time crunch became the guiding force on our road to matrimony. We made the decision to get married in Seattle after our return from the vacation we were currently on in Texas. I left a few days early to return to Seattle and figure out the HOW we were going to get married. I had to consider all the documents I would need to file and how to get the certificate the quickest to ensure that we could get me all squared away on the military side of things while I still had Issy to help me… I was super intimidated to walk into the DEERS office on Fort Lewis since I did not, and to this day do not, speak the befuddling language of the military. Time was of the essence.

At the heart of it, I also really didn’t want a big wedding. Really, I didn’t want a wedding at all. This was very hard for some of my friends and family to understand. I was at a point in my life where I didn’t care about the details. I didn’t care about the dress, the food, the wedding party, etc. It simply was not important to me. Committing to a man that made me happy, who loved me, and who I loved was really ALL I cared about. I didn’t need the typical wedding to make me happy or validate my decision. It is also important to state that I was also terrified that a wedding would become about my mother. My mother had passed away about a 15/16 months before and it was still very raw for ALL of us. My fear was that the day would become sad. People would cry that she wasn’t there. As her daughter, I cried regularly about that and as selfish as it may be, I didn’t want “my day” to become about that. I wanted to savor the moment of commitment to my husband without everyone else “wishing my mom could be here.” Or saying, “Ah Kendall, can you feel your mom?” I get that that brings solace to others, but those kinds of things don’t bring me any. More on that in a moment…

I figured out the details and was able to find a judge at the King County Courthouse that could marry us on the date we wanted. He gave us great instructions on what we needed to do and how to do it. While I was working out these details, Issy was in Texas telling his immediate family and close friends about our upcoming decision to get married at the courthouse. Like me, he had some people who thought we were crazy and others who thought we were brilliant for skipping the wedding. It was April and we had started dating in September… this sh&* was happening quick. All of these things were really good questions and concerns. Through all of the voices before and after our ceremony, Issy and I never wavered on our decision to do this our way. Issy and I both had dated A LOT. We had both been around the block and back a few times. When we met and connected, we quickly knew that we were it for each other. Our multitude of experiences made us very certain that we were doing the right thing.

Flash forward a few weeks, Issy had returned to Seattle with his dad in tow to help us with a few things. It was nice that our dads got to meet and hang out a bit. Having parents and family that live in different states makes the whole family bonding thing super difficult. Issy asked my dad for permission to marry me and it was done. My dad was so great about it. He was thrilled we were getting married and he was confident in our choice. When our dads found out I had already set a date and talked to a judge, they jumped on the support bandwagon. Things were all falling into place.

We got married on Thursday, April 21^st, 2016 at 5 pm… I think? Maybe 5:30? I can’t even remember. I went to work that morning with lots of butterflies in my stomach. That afternoon I checked in to “Inn At The Market” in Pike Place Market and put on my dress that I had picked for the occasion (shout out to Lorie who met me on whim to help me make the final decision- having you there was special for me). Then I took an Uber to the courthouse to meet Issy, my dad, and Jenny and Jeff (our other witnesses). As I checked into the courthouse I was surprised at how many other couples were there getting married. When Issy walked off the elevator with a bouquet of flowers for me, I knew that everything was perfect. Our ceremony was quick and efficient. Thanks to my dad, Jeff, and Jenny, we have some great pictures to remember the day by. And just like that- we were married. We went out for a really nice dinner right after and were in bed by 11. The next day, I went to work for a few hours and then grabbed my certificate to start the process for a new driver’s license and social security card. Needless to say, Friday April 22^nd was efficient.

Over the next few days we shared the news with more of our friends and family. Most were super supportive and happy that we had done what was best for us. Heck, most were happy that WE were happy. Then there were the few who weren’t so pleased or supportive. Someone had the nerve to ask me, “Is that really what your mom would have wanted?” Right there- that’s one reason why I didn’t do the whole big ceremony thing. The whole day would have been about that. And to answer that question (as I did then) my mom thought the drive-thru chapel in Las Vegas was the ideal wedding. That’s the gospel truth. So going to the courthouse was sort of a step up from that… Of course, I wish my mom could have been there. I missed her so much and still miss her every damn day. I don’t feel like I would have disappointed her- which was the implication. In fact, I feel like I honored her. My mom was a huge proponent of doing things that were best for yourself and being confident in your choices. I did those things. I did them with certainty and I would do it all over again.

I know people who have spent some serious money on their wedding and LOVED their day. I know people who spent some serious money on their wedding day and regretted it. I have known some people were getting married and complained about not having the budget to do things the way they really wanted. I know those who have had smaller weddings and those who have done destination weddings. And I have been in A LOT of weddings. Ultimately, you have to do what you and your partner want to do. You have to live with all the choices and be happy with them. Just because I had a courthouse wedding doesn’t mean I think bigger ceremonies are stupid! I personally just didn’t want one. We didn’t want to spend the money on one- even though my dad would have paid for it in a second. But I didn’t want to ask him. And Issy and I wanted to put our money towards building our life together. The courthouse was convenient, simple, and was 100% about Issy and I. It was perfect for who we are as a couple.

I often get asked if I regret not having a dress to pass on to my daughter. No. That’s just not a thing for me. If Rosemary decides to get married and have a massive wedding, we support her! She can create her own traditions and embrace her own vision. Who knows? Maybe she will go to the courthouse? Honestly, I have no opinion on the matter. She has to make her own decisions and be happy with them. I don’t want her to do one thing or another just to try and make us happy… life is too short for that kind of stuff.

Embrace falling in love the way you want to fall in love and if you choose to get married, embrace that too and find your own way! Everyone will always have an opinion based on their experiences and that’s ok! Take it all in. Listen to it. Then do what is best for your partnership.

And to people who have said I didn’t have a “real” wedding… shut up.